How to ask without offending

[bepositive247]

There is a group of friends and one of them is celebrating a special birthday.

The rest of our group have planned to take her to a theatre show in London and for a meal. She doesn’t know about a night out we have planned. We have decided that we will all pay for her, so we are paying for our own tickets and meal and have agreed to split her share of the theatre ticket and meal bill between us. That will be her birthday gift from us.

I have known her the longest and have ended up organising and booking. I was asked to provide my account details for everyone to transfer, but one of the girls hasn’t paid me or even mentioned anything about it and I don’t know how to bring this up.

I don’t want to bring this up with the other girls in the group as I don’t want to her to think I’m talking about her and if it was £50 I would let it go (even though that’s still a lot of money) but it’s over a £100 and I’ve already paid that as part of my share

I was hoping to get some advice on this and how to ask without coming across as rude

Drop a group message that one ticket remains unpaid and they all need to pay a % to make you whole

Sod caring about her feelings, the consequences are for her own decisions

I can't agree with this sorry. Im a bit forgetful and scatterbrained and could easily be the one that forgets or doesn't get around to paying.
I would take no offence at a straight up, hey, can you send me on the money for the trip please? I need to pay the venue.
I would not like the sly insincere 'incase you lost my details'. If someone was eager to pay and that was the issue surely they would just text and ask for them.

It just sounds a bit of a sneaky sarcastic thing to ne

Just be direct and say I need you to transfer the money , here are my details It’s not rude at all.

Thank you everyone.

I have been overthinking it and need to get a grip.

I’ve just sent this - Hi Lucy, I’m just double checking if you did the transfer for Sarah’s birthday as I can’t seem to see it on my account. If not, then here are my details again. Looking forward to seeing everyone as it’s been ages since we all got together x

Yes that's good, send that.

Group text, thanks everyone who's paid, can any outstanding balance please be paid for in next 24hrs.
Anyone who's paid will reply, saying they sent already. Thus leaving her it reply or send..
Have a lovely time.

Honestly if it was me and I hadn't paid I would be glad of a reminder.
Sometimes you mean to do something and then life gets in the way and you forget.
It happened to me recently I was meant to pay for my DD sports club membership and as I was about to pay I got a phone call to say a relative had died suddenly. The whole day went to crap and I forgot I was meant to be paying for something.
A week or so later the coach gave me a friendly reminder - I'd have been really upset if they had thought they couldn't remind me!

Surely the meal hasn't already been paid for? Wouldn't she be paying her share on the night once you've eaten?
Is the £100 for her ticket, a share of friends ticket and meal plus her meal?
Just ask remind her.

I'd be glad of the reminder - my memory can be shocking!

Well no, this will cause confusion with those who have paid. Even if she writes 'those who haven't paid', people will then ask her to confirm she's had their payments. She just needs to remind the person who hasn't paid yet.

Just ask her. It's all been agreed, and you're not being rude or offending her by asking.

She is the one being rude and causing offence by not paying up, and allowing you to take a £100 hit for her. She's being offensive!

Oh, now I've RTFT. Well done - that's a nice message. I hope it does the trick.

Maybe I'm petty but I'd @ her in the group chat.

I really cannot stand this behaviour from grown adults. On more than one occasion I've spent months chasing money I really needed.

Did she reply? There is no need to worry about being rude, she is being rude by leaving it to the point you have to ask.

I always forget to transfer money, its not avoidance just completely slips my mind. Just remind her.

This is perfect - don’t over complicate it.

£100 is a lot for a theatre ticket split between the group. Maybe she doesn’t have the money to pay. But she needs to tell you now rather than assume it will be ok

A generic reminder via group text ‘hey, just a reminder for anyone who still owes for Jenny’s birthday outing, my details are xxxx’.
Then if the offender still hasn’t paid after a day or two, you’ll need to be more direct and message or call her individually.
There is always one con artist with these things. But that’s way too much money to ignore.

It's not rude to ask for money you are owed. One of three things is happening: 1. She can't afford it and is hoping you won't ask. If that's the case, she needs to be upfront about her situation. 2. She can afford it but is hoping you won't ask. In that case, she's taking you for a ride. 3. She plain forgot, in which case, she'll be grateful you reminded her (at least, I would, as a chronic forgetter myself).

Don’t give get the option if next going, else you won’t get the money. If she can’t go, she still has to pay.

I organised a gift for someone at work and everyone said they would pay on group chat. One then went poorly, missed the event and afterwards assumed she didn’t have to pay as she wasn’t there, and the way she said it, didn’t leave much room for discussion. Still wrangles with me. (It was only £5!)

Message her directly. Be polite and ask if she’s able to make it, if she says yes, ask if she’s able to send the money for you to book her place- simple

Start with a generic reminder on the WhatsApp group phrasing it like not everyone has paid and I need all payments now.

Give it 48 hours and then message again naming her if she still hasn't paid or sent you a private message. Just say thanks everyone - x please can you send it now?

Wise words.

I’m an over thinker at times too OP.

Hope she pays you soon.

Have you never forgotten to do anything? Honestly I wouldn’t stress or judge, just a quick message asking for payment,