Why are three year olds so mortifying!?

[HairsprayBabe]

Just got a call from nursery - a wellness check - DD told her key worker that "mummy is very sick from drinking too much wine" 🙃

Key worker saw me at drop off and I was clearly not drunk or hungover - she just had to check and we laughed about it.

To be clear - I drink a few times a year, Christmas, weddings ect. and never to excess, 3 max 4 drinks. My children have never seen me drunk or throwing up hungover. I haven't even had a hangover since way before I had kids.

Me and DH and extended family have openly joked about pre-kids, uni life, hen-dos, weddings etc that have included "being sick from too much wine" - not just me! Which I know is where it has likely come from but I am SO embarrassed, really looking forwards to pick up this afternoon 😬maybe I do need a wine!

Make me feel better with the lovely things your little darlings have said about you!

NC just incase....
Should have known mine was trouble when at just over a year she stripped off, pressed her naked self against the living room window and shouted HELP repeatedly, despite not needing help down from the sofa....

In a Dr's surgery there was a lady in a white burqa, MUM IS THAT LADY GETTING MARRIED 😳

At primary school I was called in at the end of day to explain why my child had said she'd had CRACK at the weekend. Nope, she had roast pork and crackling ffs 🫣

The final embarrassing exchange I recall was being asked on a bus packed with parents & commuters MUM, WHATS A BLOW JOB?
Everyone went very quiet and looked at me expectantly.
I will tell you what we get home..... & I did.

Now her own embarrass her. Gc1 shouting COCK on the bus when someone was drinking coke (I now call it cock 🤣)
Same gc told an old person on a bus they needed a wash because they smelled (aged around 2/3)
Middle gc shouting daddy at random (mainly black) men ,when daddy is white 🤣

Im waiting for the youngest to come up with their own ways of embarrassing mum now.

Kids are fab 😂

DD was really interested in her auntie and DP told her a story from when they were kids and auntie kicked uncle's chair so he bumped his head then he hit her. DD carefully recited the story to nursery staff but not mentioning that this was 40 odd years ago when they were about 4 and 6 and she didn't actually witness it. They thought it was a married couple battering each other in front of DD and called me in to discuss it!

My 3yo told preschool yesterday that "daddy hits me and my brothers and Bob really hard". They pulled me aside after school very concerned. The context he had missed out is that daddy was helping out at their kickboxing club and Bob is the instructor.

Mine (now 11) once pointed to the wine aisle and shouted at the top of his voice: 'Mummy drink!'

My daughter told the ladies at nursery that I go to work “on the sofa”

I was in a taxi on the weekend with my 3 year old and he said ‘Look at that man, he’s got no hair’ and started laughing. I looked out of the window and then he said ‘Noo mummy, there…’ and pointed to the taxi driver. Cue deadly silence from the front 🫣

DD asked me why I had jam in my pants in a similar situation

"Hello skeleton face" is going to stick in my head for a long time I think. Shall be looking out for any skeleton faces on the train today.

When DD was in nursery she loved to jump on frozen puddles to crack the ice (as we all do) and she called this activity "crack". Walking home from nursery one day she had jumped on a lot of frozen puddles but there were no more to be seen and she shouted "I love crack! Want more crack!"

She also briefly went through the calling random men 'daddy' stage. And the talking loudly about my "boobies" stage.

When she was a bit older, it was during lockdown and she had a teams call with her teacher. I was sat just out of sight with her little brother (2) who was still breastfed, and he loudly said "need booby mummy, need booby now!"

Waiting in a pharmacy with my four year old for a prescription when a very elderly couple walk in.
He says very loudly ‘oh look mummy, they’re very old aren’t they? Are they going to die soon?’
Then followed up with ‘which one do you think will die first?’
Thankfully I don’t think they heard but the woman next to me found it very amusing!

The worst one I've ever had (as if begging for change wasn't bad enough!) was the time id taken my eldest two swimming (aged 2 and 3 at the time)

We'd got out and where in the changing rooms

I'd wrapped them in towels and sat them on the bench while I got charged

We used to play i-spy but instead of letters,we used colours

'I spy with my little eye something white' (the lockers)

I spy with my little eye something blue' (the floor)

Then the fatal one 'I spy with my little eye something brown'

Dd whips round and points at a woman of colour 'HER!'

I meant the bloody bench they where sat on!

She just glared at us

I have never got 2 kids dressed so bloody fast in my life...

We were having dinner where there was a rather rotund man sitting at the bar. My son, aged 4, tapped me on the shoulder and said in a very loud stage whisper 'Look mummy! It's Humpty Dumpty!'

This is the same child who used to look people up and down in the street and mutter 'Jesus Christ!' if he didn't like what they were wearing.

He is now a very polite 11 year old - just an extremely judgemental pre-schooler.

When I was little I told a friend’s mum that my mum did something “very dirty” for work…she was a lawyer 😂

My daughter 6 at the time told her teachers that “mummy grows lots of weed” she overheard me moaning about having to weed the garden of dandelions. I got pulled to one side and questioned by the teacher, I can’t stand the smell of weed and certainly wasn’t growing it.

Used to take DC swimming weekly there was a lady at the basket store
who had a lot of facial hair.
I said to DS give you bag to the lady he said loudly "that's not a lady it's man" I said "no shes a lady" he said very very loudly and indignantly "mummy they've got a beard and moustache it's a man! "
I tried to shush him but he just got louder and more indignant!

In an art shop the sales assistant had dreadlocks, paying at the till and DD said loudly why does that lady have snakes coming out of her head? It looks disgusting! "

I had a vaginal bacterial infection and DD loudly said in a public toilet , mummy your bottom really smells yucky.

My son and niece were in the same class at school. After the holidays the kids were all asked to write a story about something they did during the summer break. My niece wrote a very in depth story explaining that everyone had to evacuate the caravan for several hours after her Dad farted. The detail was quite impressive for a 6/7 year old.

What a great image!

When DS was 3 he asked for ice cream from the van and I said sorry I don't have any money (meaning change, as it was a cash only van). The following week they were learning about food banks at nursery (collecting food and dropping it at local food bank) and he said to his key worker that he would tell his mummy about food banks as she doesn't have enough money to buy him food!

He also told them that he was moving into a new bedroom and his old bedroom would be used for the new baby. He was moving rooms, but not sure why he thought a baby was involved. Nursery asked me if I needed a new registration pack!

these have made me feel no end of better - and nursery were so lovely at pick up I am glad they don't think we are the naked piss head family

I was reading some to DH and he reminded me of one our DS said to him in the swimming room changing rooms aged 4

DS "Excuse me Daddy could you take off your clothes"

DH "No I'm not swimming today"

DS "Oh I wanted to see you best naked boy body"

DH (bemused) "What?"

DS "It is the best because your willy is so big and so brown"

😅

my 3 year old said shouted exactly the same thing to me in the loos of a busy shopping centre not long ago 🤣

DD told her grandparents that mummy said the C word in front of her, after an awkward conversation with them it turned out that the worst C word she knew was crap so I wasn't in too much trouble 🙄

My husband, daughter and I were eating a roast in a busy pub. My daughter picks up a small cocktail sausage wrapped in bacon and shouts “DADDY THIS LOOKS LIKE YOUR WILLY” 💀💀💀

was with my DS age 3 in a shop, trying on hats for a wedding.
There were several other ladies around.
I put on a hat and DS looks up at me
" oh Mummy you look beautiful"
I smile everyone goes Ahhh
"just like the Fat Controller"
laughing stock.

Probably something her friends should have told her ages before then!

Getting dried after swimming. 3 yr old DGS said. ' can I comb your bottom'?

Haha. My DD used to tell her daddy, when she saw him naked, 'Daddy snip your willy off, I don't like it.'