Why are three year olds so mortifying!?

[HairsprayBabe]

Just got a call from nursery - a wellness check - DD told her key worker that "mummy is very sick from drinking too much wine" 🙃

Key worker saw me at drop off and I was clearly not drunk or hungover - she just had to check and we laughed about it.

To be clear - I drink a few times a year, Christmas, weddings ect. and never to excess, 3 max 4 drinks. My children have never seen me drunk or throwing up hungover. I haven't even had a hangover since way before I had kids.

Me and DH and extended family have openly joked about pre-kids, uni life, hen-dos, weddings etc that have included "being sick from too much wine" - not just me! Which I know is where it has likely come from but I am SO embarrassed, really looking forwards to pick up this afternoon 😬maybe I do need a wine!

Make me feel better with the lovely things your little darlings have said about you!

Friend shopping with toddler, got to the wine aisle, he shouted 'Look- Mummy juice!'
(I bet that happens a fair bit in supermarkets though!)

This one’s on me. I have four brothers I am the middle child we were at an Embassy party in Jordan, someone asked if I was excited about my new brother. Very loudly I informed the person that no I was not and that I had told mum to find someone else to make babies with. I still remember my dad almost choking on his drink and the room going silent.

Due to the following comments coming from the same DS in Supermarkets - packed full of people Supermarkets - I no longer bring him to any shop of any kind!!
So If the new baby is going to have milk from this booby (pointing to one of them) will there be orange juice in the other one?
What did you say the name of your hole is that the baby will come out of? the vulva or the vagina?
Daddy always says ducking hell but I know he really means fucking hell
Which word is worse fuck or bastard?
I'm so happy to see you haven't bought loads and loads and loads of wine today, Daddy won't be so happy though.
Mum isn't it so funny that you are the only one who has no willy (5 boys + DH) but it's sad too, poor you, willies are great, I really love my willy.

😭

Was going through my mum's papers recently when I cleared her house and found an old letter from a woman we met on holiday. My brother and I were about 6 and 4 and shared a table with an elderly couple in a guesthouse in England, they were really nice and my mum must have taken their address. I think from the tone of this lady's letter, my mum had written apologising for us because it said things like 'we didn't mind the children, you know,' and 'children often don't conform to adult standards.' 😱 It's made me wonder just what the hell we did or said, and realise that all kids embarrass their parents at some stage!

When I was 3 or 4 I went to nursery with a tampon sitting in my knickers then wet myself and had to be changed. My mum was mortified when the nursery teacher presented the tampon - I think mum had said something about big ladies using them and I’d wanted to be grown up

Yes this is my favourite so far! Hilariously mortifying.

When he was quite small, my son made me a coaster as a Mother’s Day gift at after school club. The other Mums had pretty flowers or smiling faces on theirs, I had a bottle of beer with ‘Sol’ written next to it! I didn’t even drink that much beer back then (or now) but I do like Sol if I do.

Another time, after an expensive trip to the hairdresser, he told me I looked like Willy Wonka!

Both my children called wine and beer "mummy juice" so there were occasional shouts of "look, mummy juice!" In the supermarket. Though once when DD was a toddler I picked up a bottle of wine and she dramatically screamed noooooo until I put it back

I was told that I delightfully told a shop assistant that we kept my younger sister ‘in a box’ when buying baby clothes for her.
she was in hospital… in an incubator…
my poor mum 🤣

also had some concerned teachers by how much I knew about syringes and them being at home. They were oral syringes for my sisters medicines. 🤣

Not actually my DD but years ago I was in the cafeteria at uni and a woman was there with a little girl who I’d guess was about 4 or 5. The lady at the till was very friendly to her and said “and what would you like?” and totally deadpan she said “I’d like your head on a platter”.

It was hilarious. And also a bit sinister.

I’ll preface this by saying DS has communication difficulties in addition to autism, ADHD and various assorted extras….

When he was 12 or 13 he told his special school staff that he didn’t want to go home because Mum and Dad whip him every Wednesday morning.

He was flexi boarding at the time and wasn’t even at home on Wednesdays.

Social services got involved.

😐

'Another time, after an expensive trip to the hairdresser, he told me I looked like Willy Wonka!'

Every time I came home from the hairdresser with my hair cut and straightened to jaw length, my youngest used to say, 'you've got that Norman helmet thing done with your hair again.'

Yeah that's my DD2. She is quite something.

Another one was her randomly suddenly standing up in a cafe, glaring at an elderly man at the next table, and then turning to her brother and remarking very loudly-

"First you become a ghost. Then you become a skeleton. Then you get sick. Then you DIE."

And another was passing a nativity display outside a church and announcing contemptuously, "Father Christmas is a lie, and Jesus Christ is a FOSSIL".

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

🤣🤣 just before one of my DNs were born we'd had a family bereavement and the concept of death had to be explained my elder niece.

Once the baby arrived DN wasn't too taken with their new sibling and had obviously taken on board that when someone died you didn't see them anymore so when a lady at the supermarket checkout who'd seen DN and SIL regularly asked where the new baby was DN loudly stated "Baby X dead". The poor woman was mortified and SIL had to hurriedly explain that the baby was fine and currently in the supermarket cafe with MIL.

When my sons were 6 and 2, they asked to speak to their dad privately ("without mum please dad", said the 6 year old). I went into another room. They were worried that I didn't have a willie. They thought there was something medically wrong with me. They asked my husband if he had "noticed", because they had. We still laugh at it. God love them.

My youngest when he was 4 and in P1 asked me, when I went to get him after school, "how do you walk in high heels mum?" (just finished work, high heeled ankle boots, walking home with him). I replied "you just get used to it". He said dramatically "I will NEVER get used to it".

Best years of my life. I could go on all day, but those two wee boys delighted me. I laughed every single day at one or the other.

Gold! 😂😂

When my son was 3, his dad took him into the loos at an attraction. He took him into the cubicle for a wee and took the opportunity to go himself when my son exclaimed at full volume, "Now that is a good willy!"

My then husband heard an audible chuckle from outside the cubicle 😁

When in a supermarket checkout queue with DD aged about 3. A lady in front of us was tutting and huffing with her nose in the air and I thought what a snooty cow. I then looked down and saw that my DD had her hand up the lady's skirt and was playing with her underslip, using it like her Noo-Noo!

And similarly I was on a bus with my little sister and the woman in front was being very sniffy. Little sister then says: "It's really soft down here." She was running her hand along the gap between the seat and the back rest and stroking the woman's bum!

At the cemetery with my gran and little brother shortly after my grandad had died. "Can we dig him up and see what he looks like?"

My DDs wanted a third baby very much and went on and on about it (we did eventually have one!) - at tea one day they started up again and my OH gave the usual response, explaining how it was a very important decision and needed a lot of thought etc. etc. My c. 5 year old got very cross, stood up from the table and flounced out saying "Well if you won't do it for Mummy she will just have to find someone else to do it!" I thought this showed an admirable grasp of the biology, but less so the social niceties!

Some of these are brilliant!
Skeleton face and the little boys concerned about Mum’s lack of willy have really made me laugh.

We’ve just been on holiday with DS, 3. In the pool with him one day and a (not actually that big) elderly German man got in. DS turned to me and said “That man is BIG…like a yeti”😁

About 10 years ago there was a whole school fear of ‘Killer Clowns’. I guess it was around the time It was in cinemas. There was lots of rumours, fear mongering, and general winding each other up.

I took my 6 year old to Waterstones one day, and he was chatting excitedly about the Killer Clowns at the till. The teller said conversationally, ‘What would you do if you saw a Killer Clown?’ My child replied, ‘Kick him in the nuggets’.

Dd is almost 29 now but back when she was about 3 ish,id taken her,her 2 brothers and my mother to Tesco

She started to get a bit whingy,so I said to my mother that I was going to take her outside before she really blew up into a tantrum

It ended with her slung over my shoulder,her kicking and screaming while shouting 'help!help!this is not my mummy!I'm being kidnapped!' (God only knows where she got this from!)

Thankfully not one person stopped me/rang the police (they really should have done!) and she cooled off outside before we went back in

Her sister (who's now 18) was about 7 when we set off to go to a friend's house

This friend was very houseproud

The house was somewhere in a confusing maze of streets and I always seemed to get us lost

Dd suddenly says 'oh mum,this way' and lead us to the end of the street

I praised her and jokingly said 'oh sweetheart,did you use your nose to sniff out nanna Julie's house?'

Didn't think much to this throwaway comment until friend answered the door and the first thing dd says 'nanna Julie,my mum says your house stinks!'

I did not say this but I got a really evil look and the friendship fizzled out

Oh god where do I start 🤣
We were shopping as a family , husband had walked to another aisle in the supermarket so we couldn’t see him.

Youngest walked up to a strange man and started putting things in his trolley and calling him “ dad “
Did the same with a woman in a museum ( to be fair woman did look a lot like me ) 😂
Middle one shouted in her foghorn voice “ mummy !! Why do you have tomato sauce in your pants “ in the women’s loos in a nice dept store .
Same child had got slightly ahead of me and patted a strange lady on the bottom who was attending to her child in a pushchair and said ‘ you have a lovely bottom “
Also oldest one loudly said in the women’s showers “ oh you have nice boobies mummy , that ladies are funny looking “
I was mortified

DH’s story from before we met:

He was on a bus with toddler DS. DS kept staring at a lady on the bus dressed in all her finery, despite being admonished for doing so.

In the end DS piped up, at the kind of volume the entire bus could hear:

‘Dad! Why has that lady got a dead fox hanging round her neck?’