Why are three year olds so mortifying!?

[HairsprayBabe]

Just got a call from nursery - a wellness check - DD told her key worker that "mummy is very sick from drinking too much wine" 🙃

Key worker saw me at drop off and I was clearly not drunk or hungover - she just had to check and we laughed about it.

To be clear - I drink a few times a year, Christmas, weddings ect. and never to excess, 3 max 4 drinks. My children have never seen me drunk or throwing up hungover. I haven't even had a hangover since way before I had kids.

Me and DH and extended family have openly joked about pre-kids, uni life, hen-dos, weddings etc that have included "being sick from too much wine" - not just me! Which I know is where it has likely come from but I am SO embarrassed, really looking forwards to pick up this afternoon 😬maybe I do need a wine!

Make me feel better with the lovely things your little darlings have said about you!

Hahahaha.

I once arrived at nursery and DS's keyworker came rushing out to ask me how we all were after our car accident. I looked at her blankly and then remembered that we'd gone the wrong way on a very quiet, narrow country lane that weekend, and DH had had to do a fiddly three-point turn at about two miles an hour and bumped a grassy verge very slightly as he reversed. DS had described it as some sort of Casualty-style high-speed collision involving us screeching to a halt and spinning across the road 😳

Oh blimey !! 😭😭

I repeatedly told my catholic primary school teachers (some of whom were also nuns) that my mum used to be a prostitute before she married my dad 🫣
I meant protestant!

Why does it always involve waiting rooms where you can't escape?! I once helped a friend to move a really big, heavy unit at her house. Somehow she managed to manoeuvre part of it straight onto her foot and shouted out loud "Oh you fucking bastard" (not her finest hour but understandable given the circumstances). What neither of us realised at the time was that her 4yo DS was stood right by it until we were all sitting in a crowded a& e waiting room and he very loudly asked his mum why she'd called him those exact words earlier!

My DS told nursery that “daddy has a bigger willy than me” and also used to loudly congratulate me on going to the toilet when he came into cubicles with me.

Was out with my son one day when we passed a woman in a very low cut top, v voluptuous with lots of cleavage showing, and he asked me 'why her bum was up there.' Really hope she didn't hear him.

DD, then about 3 or 4, told her nursery a similar thing. She said that DH had been in hospital because he'd drunk too much. We took had a wellness check - nothing of the sort had ever happened! No idea where she got it from!

There was the time the pointing finger of doom slowly raised and my daughter announced 'nobody look over there that man has no top on and he is REALLY fat'
There was the time my son karate chopped a man in the arse in the middle of a shop with sound effects
The time my son pointed at the postman and said 'oh he looks like daddy except daddy doesn't have a huge nose'

Off track here - but as a hospital social worker I was once asked to see a woman who was 107 and had a problem she wanted to talk to me about. It turned out that she lived with her single daughter, who was in her early 80s and she was worried that she was "getting into bad company." I asked what she was doing and patient said: "She has started going to the WI"! ..... about time too!
I did not ooze with sympathy .....

I was seriously ill at 18 and my mum stayed by my hospital bed all night

In the morning after handover, a nurse came rushing in, stopped at the foot of my bed and couldn't stop laughing

When she calmed down she explained "in handover, they said we've got an 80 year old with her mother staying with her, and I thought I've got to see this!" 😂

My DC is too little to have mortified me just yet.

But when I was about 5 or 6 we had to make a Mother's Day card at school with a picture and sentence about what our mum does for us. Bear in mind, I was one of five kids at this point. My card was an unflattering picture of my Mum in bed that said "My Mum just lies in bed all day." My Mum has kept the card

@Mischance the WI! Whatever next! Let this carry on and the next thing you know she'll be crocheting and baking....it's a slippery slope to delinquency 🤣

My DC never got to watch Thomas The Tank Engine

My DN, who is older than my DC, loved Thomas The Tank Engine, and his favourite character was the fat controller

So any time he saw a slightly overweight person when they were out, he would point and try to loudly exclaim "fat controller" but he was around the age of two and it came out very clearly as "Look!!! Fat Cunt!!!"

My DS had to avoid going out for a couple of weeks while training him to say Thomas Man instead 😂 watching a lot of episodes and pointing him out saying "look ds, Thomas man" until he started saying it

I wasn't taking the risk 😂 I knew my DC would land me in enough bother without a repeat of what happened with DN 🤣

I'm unwell today and reading some of these has really cheered me up 😊

My DC have been quite good actually.

There was one time we were in aldi and there was an Indian lady head to toe in red. Ds looks down the aisle and says "there's Santa".

DH goes to the pub once or twice a year. One time he got home around 5am and I was heading out to out of hours doctor with DS. We walk into the doctor, around 6am by this point, and DS says "daddy couldn't come cos he just got home from the pub and was drinking beer".

Approx six months ago, DD1 in swimming changing room: "MUMMY LOOK. Your bottom is all fluffy".

Now, everything we go swimming and get changed, shouts: "MUMMY'S GOT FLUFF".

Many years ago a child in my class announced that her mummy and daddy woke her up last night because they were trampolining on their bed...

I once asked my aunt if it was true she was a virgin. She was a vegan.

Just last week on the way home from pre-school, my 3 year old pointed to a man walking past and shouted "IS THAT DADDY???!!!"
The man was black. My husband is white!

These are hilarious.

I was in a cafe years ago and there was a Grandmother with her Grandson who was around 2 ish I guess. He was shouting 'dickhead, dickhead, dickhead' just randomly and repeatedly! Granny was blushing furiously and kept repeating 'yes we're going to see Uncle Nicky, Nicky, Nicky.'

I still wonder if there was an Uncle Nicky or if he'd overhead something! 😂

My 3 year old asked a lady at the park if she fit on the swings becasue of her fat bum 🫣

Hahahah!

This has jogged my memory of me teaching a Y3 class about the the birth of Jesus and the Virgin Mary. Explaining what a virgin is to a bunch of 7 year olds is pretty tricky - so I simply said, to keep with the context of the lesson, a virgin is a lady who hasn't had a baby.

One girl looked at me and said 'well Mrs Sunshine you're definitely not a virgin then are you.' (they knew I had two DCs). Hilarious 😂

I just remembered another one. When my DS was three he was obsessed with Thomas the Tank Engine. I left his sisters with DH and took him on a surprise train ride. A very obese man came on board a few stations down the line and my DS yelled, “Mummy, Look! It’s the Fat Controller!” *Luckily the guy saw the humour and laughed.
i was horrified.

Oh I actually choked laughing.

When our eldest was starting school we had to go to the meeting for new parents, even though OH worked in the school she had insisted we went, and the Head told everyone 'Never believe what your child tells you has happened in school without checking and we'll not believe all they tell us happens at home!'.