Why are three year olds so mortifying!?

[HairsprayBabe]

Just got a call from nursery - a wellness check - DD told her key worker that "mummy is very sick from drinking too much wine" 🙃

Key worker saw me at drop off and I was clearly not drunk or hungover - she just had to check and we laughed about it.

To be clear - I drink a few times a year, Christmas, weddings ect. and never to excess, 3 max 4 drinks. My children have never seen me drunk or throwing up hungover. I haven't even had a hangover since way before I had kids.

Me and DH and extended family have openly joked about pre-kids, uni life, hen-dos, weddings etc that have included "being sick from too much wine" - not just me! Which I know is where it has likely come from but I am SO embarrassed, really looking forwards to pick up this afternoon 😬maybe I do need a wine!

Make me feel better with the lovely things your little darlings have said about you!

Eldest DS then 4 (now 34) said very loudly on a small hopper bus "Mummy.....why is that man wearing a dress?!" I said in my best quiet shut the fuck up voice "thats not a man, thats a lady". Son......"NO THATS A MAN, HE HAS GOT A BEARD"

She was well into her pension years so I cling to the vain hope that she was deaf and didnt hear him. If she did then I wouldnt have objected if she had given him a thick ear, as I dearly wanted to.

When I was pregnant with DC2, DD1 was 3. For a while I had some very light headed spells and on one occasion actually fainted briefly. I found myself on the living room floor with DD standing over me saying to herself "oh dear mummy's dead, now we'll have to bury her in the garden ". This was a couple of weeks after our neighbour had explained that she was burying her deceased pet budgie in a flower bed.

Cork?

On a Weds morning I like to take my 2 year old on an extended dog walk across the fields in a carrier on my back. I've recently been trying to teach her that it's good manners to greet other dog walkers and say hello except this Weds she spontaneously decided to do her own dog training and as we were nearing the top hill, an old lady with an equally old spaniel was approaching, i'm smiling broadly waiting to say a hearty 'hello' when a booming voice above me shouts 'Merlot, SHIT', 'Shit I say, SHIT'!!
Mortified doesn't begin to cover it.

I laughed over this one. They really can be mortifying. When my son was around 3, we were sat in a cafe with a very scruffy man at the next table. Son said very loudly, “why is that man so dirty?” 🫣

My youngest DB is 6, almost 7, years younger than me (Jan 82 vs Dec 88). We were raised Catholic up until High School, so whilst me and my middle DB’s were at primary school, we would attend Mass every Sunday at the church attached to our school.

Every time my youngest DB, 2.5-3 at the time, was an absolute hooligan. In fact, we used to joke there must be a 666 mark on his head somewhere!

He’d pull faces at the band who played the music to accompany the hymns trying to distract them, crawl on the floor between the pews and tie people’s shoe laces together, shout loudly at regular intervals throughout the mass that he was bored / this was boring and ask when we were going home.

His pièce de résistance was at a service around Christmas time where he managed to crawl under the pews from around 5 rows back where we were sitting until he reached the front and the altar. A typical nativity scene was set up at one end and after getting a really good, close look in the manger, he loudly announced “Mum! Mum! Look! Mum! There’s a baby! They’ve got a baby!!”

The only way to get him to behave at all was to warn him that he wouldn’t be allowed to go up and get a blessing off the priest if he carried on misbehaving, which for some reason he absolutely loved.

At the end of every single mass my Mum was left mortified and apologising profusely to Father John, who, very graciously, would reassure her not to worry, there was no problem and nothing to apologise for, and that he’s just an energetic and spirited young boy who was simply showing his faith and love of God in his own unique way.

And you found that funny?

I dont judge your child, but I do judge you and the PP that you quoted who also didnt teach their child the right lessons.

I'll never forget when my niece was around 3 years old, I was around 14 - she walked into the bathroom as I'm changing a tampon, started shrieking "why have you got a mouse up your bum 😂🤦
She's grown up now with little kids of her own, I can't wait for their comments to start 😂

My daughter did the exact same thing to me on the street when she was 2 or 3!

My DS1 once announced to his teacher in front of me; 'My daddy has a willy and my mummy has fur'.

Kids' honesty can be absolutely terrifying sometimes, can't it? The things they say without thinking... it’s like they’ve got no filter at all!

When my DD was 5 we had a basic conversation about periods because she had seen me with a sanitary towel. She was given to malapropisms so in all seriousness called them majesty towels, which I thought was cute. We had queued to use the loo in a posh department store and when in the stall loudly asked me why I had a majesty towel stuck to the outside of my pants. I equally loudly explained it was a heat patch (it was) that I had stuck to my pants because of stomach cramps, but we exited the stall to a line of women all grinning at us.

When my dd was little, we were in the grocery store when she started screaming for “more dicks more dicks!” …. She meant breadsticks!!!!!!

A friend's son told the teacher his mum was pregnant, that his mum and dad were divorcing, and that his real dad was called Nick, had a purple van and lived in the countryside. Teacher asked if she was ok and if there was anything she could do to help, which is how it came up.

Complete fabrication from start to finish. He was about six at the time. She was not pregnant, she's still happily married 15 years later and they don't know anybody called Nick or anybody who owns a purple van - oh and he's the spitting image of his dad who she's still married to, not that there was ever even a hint of doubt about his paternity 😄

😂😂😂😂

We were in a museum when DS, aged about 3, spotted a well-endowed woman and shouted “Look at that lady’s breasts!” To this day I tell myself that she can’t have heard because the room was large and noisy and he was speaking English in a non-English-speaking country. Please…

My eldest at 3 to a poor innocent lady in the supermarket 'You...are..FAT!' with a slightly judgey look in to her trolley. Luckily she didn't miss a beat,smiled at him and said 'Yes,I am.I eat too much cake'. I was mortified,couldn't apologise quick enough but she was incredibly graceful.

My youngest during potty training - when toilet talk was constant - to a lady sitting on a bench while walking home from nursery. 'And what colour are YOUR pants today?'

She shot us both a look of disgust and leapt up and walked away.My apologies fell on deaf ears.

Same child also told their nursery teacher that Mummy had wine for breakfast.He saw me chugging one of those small bottles of Pelegrino.

My 3yo at the time once chased a slightly chubby man, in a plaid shirt like Justin wears, around Sainsbury's, pointing and shouting MR TUMBLE

My DCs, even as teens, thought I was almost an alcoholic because I drunk more than exDP (who almost never had so much as a sip) because occasionally I bought a bottle of wine, which I drunk over the course of about 4 days.

But yes, 3yo can come out with the funniest things!

During a chat about feelings (with one of his friends mum's, she's a psychologist who had come into nursery to do some workshops with the children).
'What kind of thing would make you sad?'-
DS response 'when Daddy locks me in the cupboard '.
Has this ever happened??? No.
Why did you say that DS? 'because she asked what would make me sad, Daddy hasn't locked me in a cupboard but if he did it WOULD make me very sad'.
🤦🏻‍♀️
Nursery and friends mum both thankfully very understanding.

daughter was in the sharing circle at nursery and the topic was what mummy does best (best cuddles etc) when daughter announced that her mummy could drink alcohol through her eyeball ( there had been a film with eyeball Paul ) which daughter had seen advert for and dh thinking he was funny said oh your mummy can do that - nursery staff very amused when I picked her up that afternoon and asking me about my “special” skill!!

Best one yet 😂😂

I had to take my twins into a public toilet with me as I was busting. One let out a round of applause after “inspecting” the results and the other waited until I was washing my hands to announce to the room “Mummy done a big poo!”…. An older lady smiled and said “Good girl, Mummy!”

I’m laughing so much at this 😆

Ds8 has autism and absolutely no filter so I've had almost a decade of this.

Regularly points out overweight people by shouting 'He's even fatter than you Mummy!'

An client in her 70s was telling us about her mum who is 98 and ds pipes up 'Ooh, your mum must be dead by now'.

Told his 13 year old cousin that 'babies come out of your vagina, not your bum'

Told his teacher that she was the worst teacher he ever had and she should just 'go home and stop annoying everyone'.