Why are three year olds so mortifying!?

[HairsprayBabe]

Just got a call from nursery - a wellness check - DD told her key worker that "mummy is very sick from drinking too much wine" 🙃

Key worker saw me at drop off and I was clearly not drunk or hungover - she just had to check and we laughed about it.

To be clear - I drink a few times a year, Christmas, weddings ect. and never to excess, 3 max 4 drinks. My children have never seen me drunk or throwing up hungover. I haven't even had a hangover since way before I had kids.

Me and DH and extended family have openly joked about pre-kids, uni life, hen-dos, weddings etc that have included "being sick from too much wine" - not just me! Which I know is where it has likely come from but I am SO embarrassed, really looking forwards to pick up this afternoon 😬maybe I do need a wine!

Make me feel better with the lovely things your little darlings have said about you!

That’s very rude. I hope you stopped him.

Oh god that’s so awkward

For some reason when we were kids, my Mum nicknamed a penis as a widgie and a vagina as a tuppence.

Anyway, one morning in Liverpool, I’m approximately 3 years old, extremely confident and chatty, waiting at a busy bus stop to go into the City Centre with my Mum, younger DB, an Auntie and two cousins. Also waiting for the bus was an elderly gentleman with a black lab type dog.

Without missing a beat, I walk over to said man stood further back in the queue, proclaim it’s nice to meet him, introduce myself (first, middle and last name no less!), ask him for his name and then enquire after the sex and name of his dog.

Just as I finish asking, the bus has pulled up to the stop. Timing which proved crucial in avoiding embarrassment, when the man proceeds to tell me his name was Ernie/Bernie (Mum can’t recall the exact name), advise that she’s a girl dog and that her name is Tuppence.

Mum says she was keeping an eye on me, watching and listening to this exchange and as soon as she heard this she saw me open my mouth to reply. As she knew me, she could confidently predict that my next sentence would have been to proudly declare that I have a tuppence too! Suffice to say, she’s never moved quicker, bundling me up and onto the bus before I had the chance to say another word!

This is one I'm guilty of rather than my DD - took her to the toilet at the leisure centre. Heard a fart, assumed it was her as she's a windy bum. I said "pardon you". She said "that wasn't me". Cue deathly silence from the cubicle next door. I just about died trying not to laugh out loud at my mistake and the poor woman didn't budge from the cubicle till we'd washed our hands and all and gone.

That brings back memories of when my (now adult) DD was in the car with her Gran and shouted out ‘fuggin ‘ell!’ and Gran was a bit shocked. DD said ‘Daddy always says it when we’re on this road’. 😀

DP and DD didn't meet my Dad until DD was 3 (Don't ask, my Dad is a knobhead)

DP was rather nervous about this, she'd had 3 years of me bitching about my Dad, and so didn't quite know what to expect.

DD decided the best way to break the ice was to find the skimpiest bit of DPs underwear she could find (luckily clean), stick it over her head, and run around the living room laughing maniacally, claiming she was a pirate and had an eyepatch.

DP was less than amused.

This has me in stitches 🤣 thank you

Picked my toddler up from nursery the other week, as I'm talking to the staff doing handover, my little boy strokes under my armpit and says 'mummy's got spikey arms' 🙃 awkwardly trying to laugh it off with the staff to which he then says mommy's legs are spikey too 🙃 nothings a secret with a toddler 🤣

I'm told that as a very small child I once walked out of a funeral service I have no recollection of being taken to, loudly intoning 'It's bloody hot in there!' after some comedian I'd seen on TV. (To make matters worse, it was a cremation...)

And when a relative got married in church and the hymn singing started, someone rather witlessly told me to sing (because all three-year-olds know the words to Oh God Our Help in Ages Past, or whatever the hymn was 🙄) and I started singing How Much Is That Doggy In The Window, then kicked off when I was taken outside. Hopefully God's forgiven me by now.

I got called in by DS2's pre-school once because DS2 had mentioned multiple times how much he liked Grandad taking him to the pub, he must have mentioned that they went a lot as well. I'm not sure if the pre-school leader thought my Dad had a drink problem, or whether she was worried that the pub might not be a safe place for DS2 to hang around, but she looked very relieved when I told her it was the local pub that has an amazing outdoor play area, and that my Dad would take DS2 there for lunch, but it was really just so he could play in the play area.

When I was 15, we had a 3 year old foster child living with us. She was a proper little mischief, and I remember one particular day when I was in my school uniform and I'd taken her into Woolworths with me to buy something for DM. My foster sister asked me for some pick and mix, and when I said no, she laid down on the floor and started shouting "Mummy, buy me some sweeties! Mummy! Pleeease!" All these people were looking very oddly at 15 year old me, and my 3 year old "daughter", I was mortified, as only a teenager can be!

I also remember a day when we were giving a girl from my school and her DM a lift home, when my foster sister decided to announce to the woman "You've got a witches nose!" Then to top off the embarrassment, she added, the the daughter "You've got one too, but yours is a little and tiny witches nose!" 😳

My DS was 3 yrs he told the Pediatrician we kept a gun on top of the refrigerator 😏 It was true except the gun was for shooting catnip bubbles. Needless to say there was a bit of an uproar. Fortunately we lived in the states at the time, Americans love guns so could’ve been worse if we lived in Canada or U.K. at the time.
3 year olds are frightening because you never know what will come out of their mouths.

I was in the waiting room at the doctors. A man smartly dressed in a suit came in and my three year old shouted ‘daddy’. It wasn’t daddy. I was mortified.

When I was about 4 I went with my mam to visit a very old, very prim maiden aunt. House full of gleaming wood furniture and figurines. I was all done up in my best dress, bows in my hair. We went in, and I was deposited in a huge arm chair, looking like a little angel. Five minutes in, I leaned forward and demanded "Get us a fuckin' drink then!" To this day, no one has any idea where I got it from.

I taught Year 1 and we were learning about the Easter story. A child had brought in their picture bible, and it included a rather gory picture of Jesus getting 40 lashes.
I was trying to skip over it, but the boys were fascinated and explaining to each other what a whip is and miming using one. One boy proudly declared that he had loads of whips at home, mum kept them under her bed!

Omg that’s so funny sorry 😂🙈

my daughter told a gp that her daddy locks her little sister in a room.
What actually happened was her sister kept hitting her so we sent her to her room for a 5 minute time out 🙃
Thankfully the gp found it funny 🤦‍♀️

My almost 3 yo toddler saw sanitary towels in my parents' bathroom, after a cousin stayed over and forgot to take them home, and loudly asked in front of all the family, 'Nanny, has Grandad got his period?'

DS (speech delayed, so couldn't relay context very well) told his teachers he wanted a smack, and mummy gives him a smack.

At pick up they put him in one classroom and took me next door and I could still hear him saying A SMACK A SMACK I NEED A SMACK MUMMY GIVE ME A SMACK.

He was really worked up, and school just assumed that when he gets frustrated I smack him.

It's hard to remember that when your child is learning to talk, you sort of learn their language but not everybody else does. So I opened his backpack and took out a packet of crisps and told them to take it next door.

I could hear him say "YAY A SMACK"

He meant a snack 🫠 cheers kid for almost getting social services involved though.

I don't swear at home, my husband occasionally does. The other day my almost 3 yo DD saw some dirt on the kitchen floor and said to me, 'Mummy, you and Daddy are dirty fucks, you can't keep this house clean!' As she proceeded to wipe the floor with a tea towel. I swear to God I don't know where she picked up the phrase - though obviously somewhere!

this made me laugh, I used to be quite butch when I was younger and also worked in a shop and got similar a lot from kids, a memorable time was a child asking “dad why does that lady look like a big BOY” !! the lovely dad was very apologetic but I found it hilarious hahaha

When I was a kid I was really into creepy crawlies and I used to go round digging in the dirt and collect earthworms to carry around the garden. I was pleased as punch that I was saving them from the birds and putting them under shady areas and in our flower beds and out of the lawn, so much so that I went to school and told everybody that would listen loudly and proudly that I've got worms.

My 2 year old keeps telling people im pregnant when i am in no way shape or form expecting in the slightest

Oh God, that is bad!! 😧One of my little munchkins pointed out a guy with one leg and a dark beard with an excited, 'Look, a pirate!!'

My daughter told the teacher that mummy takes her to the pub every day after school. The teacher mentioned it to me and I was stunned and proceeded to over egg my denial as I was so embarrassed.
When we got home my daughter remembered she got pub and cafe mixed up!