Why are three year olds so mortifying!?

[HairsprayBabe]

Just got a call from nursery - a wellness check - DD told her key worker that "mummy is very sick from drinking too much wine" 🙃

Key worker saw me at drop off and I was clearly not drunk or hungover - she just had to check and we laughed about it.

To be clear - I drink a few times a year, Christmas, weddings ect. and never to excess, 3 max 4 drinks. My children have never seen me drunk or throwing up hungover. I haven't even had a hangover since way before I had kids.

Me and DH and extended family have openly joked about pre-kids, uni life, hen-dos, weddings etc that have included "being sick from too much wine" - not just me! Which I know is where it has likely come from but I am SO embarrassed, really looking forwards to pick up this afternoon 😬maybe I do need a wine!

Make me feel better with the lovely things your little darlings have said about you!

My daughter used to refer to Kindergarten staff as Tall lady, Brown Lady, Curly Lady and so on, when she pointed out Brown Lady I was surprised but apparently she always wore a brown tabard and the rest had a different colour.

I came downstairs once, when DS was about 2, to find a pair of legs sticking out of our understairs cupboard - an unexpected gas engineer doing something to our meter. DS, with a voice like a foghorn, announced 'Mummy, there's a black man in there! A black man! He's black, mummy!' DH instantly buggered off to work and left me to it. I was desperately trying to shut DS up/distract him, completely bemused as to why this was a big deal to him because he had friends of all colours and nationalities at nursery and had never commented on skin colour before. After what felt like several thousand years of wanting the ground to swallow me up, the guy emerged from the cupboard looking as bemused as I was - he was white (complete with freckles and bright ginger hair like DS's), but was wearing an entirely black uniform.

My 3 year old as I stepped out of the shower the other day:
Her: Mummy, you're BEAUTIFUL
Me: Ah, thanks darling
Her: You're not beautiful right now though, you need to put your clothes on

Or a few months ago her dad came with me to do nursery pick up - he's usually at work as he works evening/night shifts but it was his night off. She proudly announced to her key worker - 'Daddy doesn't go to work anymore, he just stays in bed'

On train with ds during half term.. mummy what’s does STD mean… deathly silence all around with lots of parents looking at me with expectation… I asked him where he had heard this… he passed me his train ticket STD is standard class on the ticket … phew😂

In the supermarket in the bread aisle when DS loudly declared ‘mummy, you can’t have bread because it makes you do eggy farts’. I am indeed gluten intolerant, but the cringe was real.

My daughter had a tiny scratch on her arm and told nursery mummy cut her with a big knife 🫠

My eldest went through a phase in which any man with a beard was 'Daddy', quite embarrassing.
We were surprised to hear our youngest, 3, call out gooly which she laughingly repeated seeing our reaction. Took a minute to realise that she could read and we were on the M62 passing signs for Goole.
A former colleague and his wife were very strait-laced, one day he was in the car with their 3 or 4 year old when she came out with a few choice words, never heard in their home. When asked where she's heard those words she said 'It's written on that wall over there'! She too was an early reader.

At nursery there was a very overweight employee. Me and my son passed her on the stairs and he pointed at her and said "Why is she so fat mummy?" I had no idea what to say.

My god daughter asked her mum "why is that man made of chocolate?"

Getting changed in a posh hotel swimming pool changing rooms, a very butch lady came in, and one of my kids said very loudly "why is there a MAN in here?"

This is my absolute favourite thread of all time. Must be a classic, surely! I've howled my way through these!

In the supermarket and 3 year old clamps eyes on a man with moustache and beard and SHOUTS
"That man's face looks like your front bottom!"

I don't know who wanted to disappear first. I still die a bit thinking about it!

Memories of a very hairy cross channel ferry journey, the majority of passengers looking green and puking. I took the girls to the loo where there were a lot of sick people and as we hit another massive wave one of them declared, This is fun, just like the big dipper. Not many agreed with her.

I took my daughter to Costco, and there was a man in front of us at the till, clearly stocking up for a corner shop or similar. She piped up in a very loud stage whisper 'Mummy, do you think that man is an alcoholic? Look at all the beer he's buying'

My son did that in the queue at LIDL behind a woman with a trolley full of booze. 'That woman's DRUNK.' (She wasn't.)

I remember my daughter opening presents on Christmas morning, and saying "Mummy, Santa brings us all these presents, and our aunties and uncles and nanna and grandad buy us presents too, but you don't buy us anything and you're meant to love us the most!" 😮

So many.

DD1 in the leisure centre in Plymouth (so lots of navy folk about) "is it mostly villains who have tattoos?"

DD2 went through a phase of making random announcements, in a very loud deadpan voice and always about men.... a selection:

"He's dressed. As. An. ELF." (Man in uniform)

"He's come out wearing his pyjamas." Big sigh. "Again." (Random completely normal man not in nightwear)

"I'll bet he's killed a duck." (Guy behind the butcher's counter)

"He's off to London. He'll find himself a man." (Random teen boy waiting at a bus stop)

And on and bloody on.

Oh I do remember another one of these threads, so this isn’t my own story, but it did stick in my mind as utterly mortifying. A woman posted that her child was newly starting at Reception. The lady had her period and her child had obviously been in the bathroom when she inserted a tampon. The child proudly walked up the Headteacher on her first day and announced “my mummy stuck a pencil up her bottom”. Poor woman didn’t know where to look!!

Oh that’s delightful!!!

Allegedly when the French President De Gaulle retired he and his wife were at a dinner party in the UK where someone asked Mde De Gaulle what she was looking forward to and she replied 'A penis', took a while for the party to realise she had said Happiness with a French accent!

My 5 year old nephew didn't have very good aim (what little boy does!) so in public toilets, my DSis often would help him with his aim, so as to not make a mess that she couldn't clean up easily.

Cue the time that I (and a lot of other women in the public loos of a tourist attraction) overheard "Mummy! Stop touching my willy!"

My goddaughter used to get the bus to town with her Nan. She was a stereotypically cute kid with ringlets so attracted a lot of attention from the old ladies on the bus. Unfortunately, one day, one little old lady waved at my goddaughter who declared, loudly, "Nanny, I don't want that lady waving at me - she smells funny!"

Mortifying!

When my daughter was around 2 she suddenly yelled out “I like coke and wine and beer and booze” while we were in McDonald’s once. Really loudly, just when there was a lull in the general conversation.

When my son was four he was a big fan of Kylie Minogue. He told his reception teacher that I wasn’t his mum and that he was born in Australia. He told his little friend kylie minogue was his real mum.

When my daughter was little she was sat in the back of my car with her friend next to her and friend's pregnant mum in the front passenger seat.

Friend said, "My mummy's fat because she's got a baby in her tummy".

Daughter said, "My mummy's fat because she eats too much fooooooooood" 😄

My daughter was raised in a very multi-cultural city, lots of diverse friends at nursery / pre-school - never a comment made. One day at about 3, we were at the checkout in Tesco, and she was staring very intently at the assistant. As I was paying she shouted - Mummy - why is that lady BLACK! I was mortified 🙈🙈🙈🙈

"Mummy that man's belly looks like aunty Sue's" very loudly on a bus. Aunty Sue was pregnant with twins at the time.

I've nominated this for Classics -

I have been laughing like a drain at this all morning. DS is now 12 so we've passed through that stage (thankfully!) but I can certainly identify with a lot of these!!

Also my DD at that age (she has a limb difference with a missing hand) was playing with some kids at a park. One asked what happened to her hand and she very solemnly replied “Daddy did it” 🤣🤣🤣