Why are three year olds so mortifying!?

[HairsprayBabe]

Just got a call from nursery - a wellness check - DD told her key worker that "mummy is very sick from drinking too much wine" 🙃

Key worker saw me at drop off and I was clearly not drunk or hungover - she just had to check and we laughed about it.

To be clear - I drink a few times a year, Christmas, weddings ect. and never to excess, 3 max 4 drinks. My children have never seen me drunk or throwing up hungover. I haven't even had a hangover since way before I had kids.

Me and DH and extended family have openly joked about pre-kids, uni life, hen-dos, weddings etc that have included "being sick from too much wine" - not just me! Which I know is where it has likely come from but I am SO embarrassed, really looking forwards to pick up this afternoon 😬maybe I do need a wine!

Make me feel better with the lovely things your little darlings have said about you!

My son was never very creative or imaginative, more logical, so when he wrote his best story ever about Mummy being arrested for shoplifting in the Co-Op, his teachers were very surprised to see me turn up for school pick up! They did not think he had the imagination to create such a story!

I used to go over to a friend's house once every few weeks for a game of poker with mutual friends. I'd stay overnight at his, as a few drinks were inevitable, and we'd travel into work in the morning together. My daughter knew my friend and his wife and was aware that I was going for a sleepover at theirs.

Cue one particularly memorable parents evening where my daughter's teacher produced drawings our little cherub had done throughout the term. "this one is particularly interesting" she said (or words to that effect). The picture in question was of stick figures of me, my friend and his wife all holding hands beside an oversized bed. A speech bubble from either me or my mate (can't remember which) said "Let's play poke her".

DS, then about 2 1/2, was in the kitchen when DP dropped something on the floor. It didn't break but it made quite a racket. DS said "Oh, fuck". DP's rather straight grandparents were scheduled to visit two days later. 30+ years on, DP and I still don't agree on which of us had used that word around him!

Three year old me found a dead robin in the garden and was very upset. For some reason, my parents decided to explain survival of the fittest to me, so I didn't need to be sad because there were plenty more robins.

Shortly after, there was a big plane crash, all over the papers, etc. I came out with 'Don't be sad, Mummy and Daddy, there are plenty more people.'

Oh no...poor old lady.

I was on a work call today, not on mute. DD 7 who is off with a nasty chest infection, came in and said "mummy, do you know it has been two hours since your last trump?"
I gestured for her to go away and she followed up with "I thought since you trump so much I would time them on my watch."
Still not on mute because I was the one presenting.

My grandparents used to very occasionally give their dogs half a rich tea biscuit, and so they'd give one to me, and then split one between the dogs. They were mortified when I told everyone that "Grandad feeds me dog biscuits" 😂

Thank you all so much for these posts. I was feeling down today but better now I’ve had so many good proper Laugh Out Louds. 😂

Favourites (there might be a theme here….)

‘why have you got a beard between your legs’

‘That man's face looks like your front bottom’

This reminds me of my daughter´s class when they were 3. The teacher was explaining how God created everything in nature, flowers, butterflies, trees etc etc
Just to make sure they were getting the message she asked: so, who created the sky and the stars. All hands up, my dd´s friend says "her father!" pointing at dd, cue teacher and t.a. looking a bit puzzled, how come? Totally seriously "because he is an architect!", all kids nodding in agreement.
The teacher was still trying not to laugh when she told me about it...

My DD once told her home economics teacher that she didn't have the full lemon needed for that day's recipe as "mum used it in her gin & tonic"... 😳😂

DD used to chatter away about a boy at nursery she was convinced went by the name of Stalin.
Turned out, it was Sterling.

When mine was little they used to pull packets of tampons and towels off the shelf in Superdrug and loudly enquire "Mummy do you need any lady things". I have never used that expression, towels and tampons were always out in our bathroom, no secrecy about them and age appropriate explanations always given when child asked what they were for. Who knows what goes on in their minds at times?

I have some a couple of gold crowns on my back teeth that used to fascinate my then toddler who would loudly demand to see my "golden mouth" when we were on the bus. Another bus incident occurred when we had been to pick up nit killer plus a leaflet and they ringingly proclaimed, "mummy we have insects living on our heads, let me see the pictures"

My 3 year old was playing with a Barbie and a smaller doll on the metro on the way home. The Barbie was obviously the mum, the other the daughter, and my daughter´s voice as clear as day: baby doll to Barbie: Mum, can you play with me?, Barbie answers: no! leave me alone I am drinking my beer and watching my favourite on telly! (cue quite a few smirks from all those around us, and sideways glances at me)...

When my now 16 year old was 3, she told the whole of Morrisons that i fed her cat biscuits whilst she was in the cupboard. Could have cried.

One more, which I'm sure I've shared before. When DS first came out of nappies, his trousers kept falling down at the back and I'd hoik them up while telling him he had builder's bum. One day I was walking down a busy aisle in Tesco with him slightly behind me when he randomly decided to pull everything down at the front and blared out 'Mummy, LOOK! I've got Builder's Willy!'

They always seem to make these remarks while out in public with the tones of a medieval town cryer 😁

Elderly neighbour came round to tell us that their much loved cat had died.

Daughter age 3 asked them, 'has it rotted down yet?'

These are so funny 😂

My absolutely mortifying moments were DS1 now early 20s was obsessed with the Disney film Wall.ee about the little robot. He was about 3 when we were walking to the shops & this poor man in a motorised wheelchair came out past us. DS pointed at him and shouted "Waaaaaaaaalllllllllllllllleeeeeeeeeeeeee" in the robots voice. Never wanted the ground to open up so much ever!

DS2 had 2 spectacular moments in Sainsburys as a toddler. One time shouting and pointing "Mummy, mummy look, why has that lady got a beard?" to some little elderly lady. The second time at the checkout he pulled something out from under his buggy and dumped it on the counter saying to me "You forgot these". It was a packet of Tena, ladies, I didn't use Tena ladies and had to apologise and say to the cashier "They're not mine, sorry"

The shame is flooding back 😂

If it makes you feel better this does also happen in other countries. I’m pale and have blonde hair… when living in Japan a small child asked if I was a Yurei. Aka a ghost who is too filled with thoughts of revenge to move on.

Lovely.

When my nephew was much younger, we had a whole family outing to the little local swimming pool near my parents' house (Grandparents, siblings & all their children). The pool had one group change area for males and one for females. Apparently while they were getting changed DN turned to BIL and announced very loudly "Grandad's got a really big willy!". My poor BIL was mortified, but my dad found it highly amusing. 😂

When DS was 3, we got on a bus that smelled like BO (not pleasant but nothing we could do). As we say down he says (extremely loudly) “this bus stinks, it really stinks” then “who stinks??” . I was shushing him and trying to distract him but he wasn’t having any of it. When we got off the bus he said to the driver “your bus stinks”. I was mortified

I was a childminder for a 5 year old girl. Her parents had only recently told her the correct words for private parts, penis, vagina etc. We were playing one day and she drew a stick figure of me and laughed " that's you BetandBob and your naked and everybody can see your vagina". I laughed and said " oh goodness put some clothes on me".

Next day parents got an urgent phonecall from the school for them to attend a meeting immediately. They were brought into a room with teacher, principal, safeguarding lead and two members of the board of management.

Apparently the 5 year olds favourite game was when "BetandBob" was naked and everybody could see her vagina. She also said "Daddy plays the game to but he has a penis"..

Parents had to explain the situation as they had been in the house the day we were playing "this game".

I still got the side eye from teacher every morning and afternoon when I was at the school.

Oh and he also asked why a man in a wheelchair was in a buggy in the supermarket, when we said he couldn’t use his one any more. The man was more gracious than we deserved

My son was in the public toilet with me and loudly announced for all the ladies in there "mama that's the biggest bottom I've ever seen"
I had to hear all the laughter my butt caused and walk past the line out of there 🤦🏻‍♀️