Page 12 | Why are three year olds so mortifying!?

HairsprayBabe · 2025-09-18T12:22:01+00:00

Just got a call from nursery - a wellness check - DD told her key worker that "mummy is very sick from drinking too much wine" 🙃 Key worker saw me at drop off and I was clearly not drunk or hungover - she just had to check and we laughed about it. To be clear - I drink a few times a year, Christmas, weddings ect. and never to excess, 3 max 4 drinks. My children have never seen me drunk or throwing up hungover. I haven't even had a hangover since way before I had kids. Me and DH and extended family have openly joked about pre-kids, uni life, hen-dos, weddings etc that have included "being sick from too much wine" - not just me! Which I know is where it has likely come from but I am SO embarrassed, really looking forwards to pick up this afternoon 😬maybe I do need a wine! Make me feel better with the lovely things your little darlings have said about you!

TellMeItsNotTrue · 19/09/2025 15:31

When my uncle was about 6/7 my grandma was sitting behind him and his friend on a packed bus, with friends mum

The boys started a "my dad's bigger than your dad" type conversation, going back and forth trying to beat each other

The other boy said proudly "well I've got 2 daddies, a black one and a white one!" 🙈

His mum was mortified, the bus had gone quiet right before he said it, and we are going back nearly 60 years so it wasn't as common to have blended families etc

But both boys agreed he'd won that round 😂 and went on to talking about football without a care in the world

outdooryone · 19/09/2025 15:36

Just after October half term of first year at school and my 4 year old drew a picture of all of us falling off a cliff on holiday.
Cue awkward conversation with head until we worked out that the hill we climbed on holiday was steep and probably felt like a cliff....

AInightingale · 19/09/2025 15:43

'The second time at the checkout he pulled something out from under his buggy and dumped it on the counter saying to me "You forgot these". It was a packet of Tena, ladies, I didn't use Tena ladies and had to apologise and say to the cashier "They're not mine, sorry"'

It's always something really embarrassing. We were stopped when I was wheeling my toddler in his pram out of the supermarket by a guy who said, 'you know he's got a magazine there, did you pay for it?' A bloody People's Friend, imagine being taken to court for stealing that.

MayaPinion · 19/09/2025 15:46

The toilets in Marks and Spencer. Saturday afternoon. The place was jammed. I was in a cubicle with my 3 year old and wanted the ground to swallow me up when she practically yelled, “Mummy, why is your minky so fluffy?”

bridgetreilly · 19/09/2025 16:00

Nephew aged about 4 drew a picture of his grandparents, then explained it to us all at an extended family meal: That’s Grandad, and that’s Granny and that’s her vagina.

MellowMint · 19/09/2025 16:11

My husband job title includes words „dealing manager”, it’s finance related. Our daughter who is much older than 3 (!!!) told teachers during school trip that her dad is currently travelling, he was on business trip in Africa. So they naturally asked what is he doing for job and she told them „he’e a dealer” 😆🤣

Pudmyboy · 19/09/2025 16:24

gillefc82 · 19/09/2025 02:21

My youngest DB is 6, almost 7, years younger than me (Jan 82 vs Dec 88). We were raised Catholic up until High School, so whilst me and my middle DB’s were at primary school, we would attend Mass every Sunday at the church attached to our school.

Every time my youngest DB, 2.5-3 at the time, was an absolute hooligan. In fact, we used to joke there must be a 666 mark on his head somewhere!

He’d pull faces at the band who played the music to accompany the hymns trying to distract them, crawl on the floor between the pews and tie people’s shoe laces together, shout loudly at regular intervals throughout the mass that he was bored / this was boring and ask when we were going home.

His pièce de résistance was at a service around Christmas time where he managed to crawl under the pews from around 5 rows back where we were sitting until he reached the front and the altar. A typical nativity scene was set up at one end and after getting a really good, close look in the manger, he loudly announced “Mum! Mum! Look! Mum! There’s a baby! They’ve got a baby!!”

The only way to get him to behave at all was to warn him that he wouldn’t be allowed to go up and get a blessing off the priest if he carried on misbehaving, which for some reason he absolutely loved.

At the end of every single mass my Mum was left mortified and apologising profusely to Father John, who, very graciously, would reassure her not to worry, there was no problem and nothing to apologise for, and that he’s just an energetic and spirited young boy who was simply showing his faith and love of God in his own unique way.

Is his name Bart?

gillefc82 · 19/09/2025 16:29

Pudmyboy · 19/09/2025 16:24

Is his name Bart?

Show quote history

Not Bart, the very normal Richard. Although the family did toy with the idea of renaming him Damien given his obvious aversion to being in a church!! 🤣

ClawedButler · 19/09/2025 16:32

"I bet he's killed a duck" has just finished me off, I am crying

When mine was little she told all the staff at nursery that her mummy "likes cock porn"

Popcorn, dear. Mummy likes popcorn.

MayRecollectionsVary · 19/09/2025 16:40

Love this thread. I had my son at 22, in reception he insisted that one of the mums at school was in fact his friend's nanny and carried on loudly arguing with me when I said "no darling, don't be silly that's Ben's mummy." He's now in year 4 and I'm still mortified and sure the poor woman must be holding a grudge against him.

Squeakymoo1 · 19/09/2025 16:52

AInightingale · 19/09/2025 15:43

'The second time at the checkout he pulled something out from under his buggy and dumped it on the counter saying to me "You forgot these". It was a packet of Tena, ladies, I didn't use Tena ladies and had to apologise and say to the cashier "They're not mine, sorry"'

It's always something really embarrassing. We were stopped when I was wheeling my toddler in his pram out of the supermarket by a guy who said, 'you know he's got a magazine there, did you pay for it?' A bloody People's Friend, imagine being taken to court for stealing that.

When little my son shoplifted a Cadbury flake and 4 bars of Dove soap. I took the soap back but couldn't do anything about the flake plastered all over him and the pushchair (I did pay for it though!)

giuspeace · 19/09/2025 17:19

Family, so no names. Husband and wife had conversation about husband needing new underpants. Small daughter was listening intently. Wife went to M&S for underpants, held up a pair of Y-fronts and asked daughter whether daddy would like them. Daughter in high piping voice said, "I don't think daddy's balls will fall out of them mummy". Shopping trip cut short.

TeeBee · 19/09/2025 17:28

HelenaWaiting · 19/09/2025 00:59

When I was about 4 I went with my mam to visit a very old, very prim maiden aunt. House full of gleaming wood furniture and figurines. I was all done up in my best dress, bows in my hair. We went in, and I was deposited in a huge arm chair, looking like a little angel. Five minutes in, I leaned forward and demanded "Get us a fuckin' drink then!" To this day, no one has any idea where I got it from.

Fair comment 😂

highlandcoo · 19/09/2025 17:29

LovingLimePeer · 19/09/2025 15:04

Elderly neighbour came round to tell us that their much loved cat had died.

Daughter age 3 asked them, 'has it rotted down yet?'

Best so far

FeckedInFrance · 19/09/2025 17:30

I used to fly at lot alone with DCs because we lived overseas. One time DD (then about 3) spied a little boy queuing up to board the plane and carrying a full set of colouring pencils in a nice carry case. As soon as the seat belt sign was turned off DD leapt up turned around and stood on her seat facing the rest of the aircraft and loudly declared “Where’s the little black boy, I want to play with his pencils!” I turned beetroot red and tried to sit her down quietly but she loudly objected “Mummy why are you stopping me from playing with the little black boy!!”. I heard multiple sniggers behind me and didn’t dare turn around for the rest of the flight. Mortified.

soundsofthesixties · 19/09/2025 17:31

I am so glad that I had a really quiet and shy child.

TeeBee · 19/09/2025 17:34

Wilxie84 · 19/09/2025 08:35

My darling niece who was about 3 at the time, patted me on the knee and said:
"Aunty Wilxie, I really love your legs!"
"Thank you, that's a kind thing to say", I replied.
"Yes, they're big and strong like elephants legs!" 🤣

Similar to my lovely son when he was 5 years old saying 'awww mummy, you're so lovely...you're like a little baby hippo'. Little fucker.

Lotsnlotsoflove · 19/09/2025 17:34

MayRecollectionsVary · 19/09/2025 16:40

Love this thread. I had my son at 22, in reception he insisted that one of the mums at school was in fact his friend's nanny and carried on loudly arguing with me when I said "no darling, don't be silly that's Ben's mummy." He's now in year 4 and I'm still mortified and sure the poor woman must be holding a grudge against him.

I'm an 'older mum' (was 39 when DD was born) and in my area it is much more nornal for mums to be early-mid 20s. Anyway, pretty much every time I go into DD's nursery one of the kids says, 'look it's [DD's] Gran!' or 'That's a Nana!' And once, 'look at that Nana with white hair, glasses and a fat belly!' (bleach blonde, yes glasses, and I'm a size 8 - though scarrying some perimenopause belly!). Every time the parents look mortified, but I think it's funny.

Fionasapples · 19/09/2025 17:36

@sexnotgenders that's the funniest thing I've heard for ages 🤣

HangingOver · 19/09/2025 17:43

JubilantGirl · 18/09/2025 14:23

I said I was raped by a parent when I was 12. At that age I HONESTLY thought ‘rape’ meant ‘chastise harshly’ and not the meaning it actually does have ..

I thought molested meant "told off" 😬

AnAlpacaForChristmasPleaseSanta · 19/09/2025 17:46

AInightingale · 19/09/2025 15:43

'The second time at the checkout he pulled something out from under his buggy and dumped it on the counter saying to me "You forgot these". It was a packet of Tena, ladies, I didn't use Tena ladies and had to apologise and say to the cashier "They're not mine, sorry"'

It's always something really embarrassing. We were stopped when I was wheeling my toddler in his pram out of the supermarket by a guy who said, 'you know he's got a magazine there, did you pay for it?' A bloody People's Friend, imagine being taken to court for stealing that.

😂 I haven't heard of the People's Friend since me nan used to read it. Wonder if it was the imaginative short stories, knitting patterns or cake recipes that attracted your DS to it!

NeverCouldGetTheHangOfThursdays · 19/09/2025 17:50

Howling at some of these, especially "hello skeleton face" 😂😂😂

A couple I can remember DD, now 30, coming out with as a toddler:

In the queue to pay at a supermarket, elderly lady in front of us at the till. Elderly lady emits an unmistakable sound from her bottom. DD exclaims loudly "mummy, that lady just farted!"

Another occasion, also in a supermarket. DD sitting in the seat of the trolley. She liked to point out things she could see and excitedly tell me what they were. It usually wasn't a problem that she had difficulty pronouncing the L sound, except this time she happened to see a man wearing a large wristwatch. It also wasn't usually a problem that she hadn't yet learned the word "watch" and instead called them "clocks". You've guessed it. She pointed and exclaimed at the top of her voice "mummy, that man's got a big cock!"

Mumofmarauders · 19/09/2025 18:03

buymeflowers · 18/09/2025 18:01

At that age my DS used to shout WHY HAVENT YOU PAID FOR THOSE THINGS MUMMY every time we left a shop. Obviously we’d paid.

Edited

This is my favourite!

TheGetAlongGang · 19/09/2025 18:16

Years ago when dd was about 5/6 her little brother was rushed to hospital so my friend had her overnight

She gave dd some crayons and a sheet of paper so dd could draw

Do drew a picture of my friend,friends mum,herself (in the middle) and friends then boyfriend

Only she'd drawn the boyfriend with the biggest willy (that for some reason was waving in the air!) anyone's ever seen-it touched the sky that shed drawn

My poor friend was mortified and rang me to tell me 'she's never even seen Dan's willy!and it's certainly not that big!'

I had to reasure her that dd had brothers,uncles a grandad and male friends so she knew what one looked like but I don't think the boyfriend ever recovered

Oddly she never let dd draw a picture ever again on her watch

Melonmango70 · 19/09/2025 18:27

WalkingThroughTreacle · 19/09/2025 14:00

I used to go over to a friend's house once every few weeks for a game of poker with mutual friends. I'd stay overnight at his, as a few drinks were inevitable, and we'd travel into work in the morning together. My daughter knew my friend and his wife and was aware that I was going for a sleepover at theirs.

Cue one particularly memorable parents evening where my daughter's teacher produced drawings our little cherub had done throughout the term. "this one is particularly interesting" she said (or words to that effect). The picture in question was of stick figures of me, my friend and his wife all holding hands beside an oversized bed. A speech bubble from either me or my mate (can't remember which) said "Let's play poke her".

😂😂😂😂Oh my God, hahahaha!

Why are three year olds so mortifying!?

Interested in this thread?