I dont understand why anyone would want children

[Careerchangeplease]

I'll preface this by saying I can sort of semi understand why people with lots of money and time and support etc would have a more enjoyable time having kids but for the 90% of the population, I dont understand why anyone would want to have kids and give themselves

• less sleep and rest
• more work
• more stress
• less money
• more worry/anxiety
• less free time
• less relaxation/leisure time

All the stuff that comes with pregnancy and birth, pain, bleeding, prolapses etc etc Not to mention all the shit things that are happening in the world, the fact that the kids will probably never be able to buy a house, cost of living is just getting worse etc Obviously each to their own and live and let live but am I missing something?

OP, you’re missing loads! My kids bring a huge amount of joy to my life. I love spending time with my family. I’m so proud of them, they’re amazing people. 100 per cent worth it and I would do it again a hundred times over.

Just a bit strange if I’m honest , there’s plenty of forums for all different walks of life but this page says it in the name “ mums net “ I just can’t comprehend why someone would come on to a site for mums to make such sweeping statements , not sure what the poster wanted the outcome of her post to be other than to make a point about not having children and tear those down that have !

MN is for everyone, mums, the child-free and even men as MN has clarified numerous times.
There doesn't need to be sniping between parents and the child-free though.
You can be lonely and unhappy with or without children. Conversely, you can also be happy and satisfied either way.

Yes exactly.

Hear hear.

Do you have to be a mum to talk about books, cooking, craft, pets, property, home decor, cheeky fuckers, how many times a day is the correct number to shower, relationships, parking, days out, holidays and the hundreds of other things that people need advice on?
Should us child free women just sit the fuck down and shut the fuck up?

Being a parent versus not being a parent aren’t ’different walks of life’, though. I wasn’t actually aware of Mn when I was not a parent, but I would have been just as interested in the stuff I still read it for. I’m pretty much exactly the same person as I was then. You don’t morph into someone else with the delivery of the placenta. I get why people choose not to have children. I made the same choice for 20 years of my adult life.

There would be no in point her asking other people without children.

I think people are being too touchy.

I'm pleased with my decision to become a parent; I don't mind fielding this sort of question because someone else's view isn't about to unsettle me that easily.

One thing I think is a problematic approach is failing to ensure that people who don't have children understand what a commitment it really is. Luckily when I discovered that, I was up for it.

I'm so happy to have children.

I think it has a lot to do with how I was raised and being in a very good marriage where I have excellent support and love. I'm very lucky and I understand not everyone has these things. So, results may vary.

I've stayed up all night for many reasons besides children over the years, a sick dog or other pet, helping someone in an emergency, pulling an all nighter to get some work done. As it stands right now, my baby sleeps 13 hours in a stretch. Honestly, my phone is the greatest sleep culprit and I should probably put it down now.

Peace to you OP ✌️

Methinks the lady doth protest too much.

I'll bet my car that she will be pushing a pram around Morrisons in about 4-5 years, with a wailing bairn it it. You often find that with people who claim to loathe and despise children, and not 'get' why people have them end up going this way eventually.

I don't care if child free people want to come on here, it's a free country, but do bore off with your nasty comments about mums and children. It makes you sound a bit pathetic, and mean-spirited, and as I said, like you're protesting too much. No-one cares if you don't like children or don't 'get' why people have them... Seriously, no-one!

It's an emotional decision. If you use logic and rationality, it is not a good idea for most people. But, society depends on it, and for some people they somehow get their lifestyle funded by the taxpayer. I often think about it but am so scared about the costs and relationship strain due to the financial pressure. Even my partner was worried I would leave him because he won't earn enough exponentially, but I explained to him I know he isnt responsible for the cost of living crisis, so we are all in the same boat. I think men also worry, and worry that they can't provide, but inflation and the broken economy isn't our partners fault for making life with kids so hard.

See this is the kind of comment that fuels the divide between us. Like this kind of glee? Misery loves company vibes, rather than live and let live. Yeah maybe she will change her mind and maybe she won't, but I don't see why when you complain about negativity from childfree women you then perpetuate it. There's plenty of childfree people who haven't made any nasty comments. We should be looking for common ground and how we can support each other and not tear each other down for a quick thrill

The one and only “downside” for lack of a better word to having kids IMO is the fear of losing them or anything truly awful happening to them. I’m not an anxious parent and don’t constantly worry about my DD but I occasionally think that I would be completely unable to cope and wouldn’t want to continue my life if I ever lost her or something really awful happened to her. It’s a scary feeling sometimes, that I’ve chosen to create a life that has so much riding on it if I ever lost that life. But of course, that’s not any kind of way to life your life.. I guess you just can’t think like that, or you’d live a very lonely and unfulfilled life (but at least you’d never get seriously hurt!) and I don’t mean not having kids leaves you lonely or unfulfilled, I’m talking about never taking ANY risks of getting hurt eg. Never allowing yourself to love another person, never getting into a relationship etc

Humans are animals- all animals have a drive to reproduce. It's evolutionary and biological.

What about homosexual people?

I agree the drive is strong but " all" is quite a blanket term.

I felt like this for a long time but now I have a daughter and, whilst its not all been plain sailing by any means, she is the absolute love of my life

Yes but my son is also the best thing that has happened to me. I am only 2 months in so a new mum. I don't understand why people do it more than once though. Dh got a vasectomy when I was 6 months pregnant. But to each their own, I also want a pension which wouldn't be sustainable if everyone only had 1.

When did I say I loathed and despised children?! Just because I dont want them doesnt mean I hate them.

If you don't want them, you shouldn't have them. You will be perfectly fine without, most likely.

Oh my goodness that sounds awful. How did they make it worse? I just can't imagine how that made you feel with such a diagnosis.

You could be very disappointed. They could move to the other side of the world.

@tothelefttotheleft I think that parents’ reactions to their children moving far away differs greatly though. In my family, moving to another country is fairly common so it wouldn’t bother me too much as long as they were happy. Technology makes it easy to stay in touch. I live in a different country to my Dad but I speak to him nearly every day.

You need to find a new argument, you’ve been trotting out the “doth protest too much” crap for way too long now.

Many people are happy having children - that’s just fine.

Many people are happy not having children - that’s also just fine.

Please stop with your emotive language such as loathe and despise. The majority of child free people are very fond of children in their circles, they just know that having one of their own is not right for them. And more power to them for it, it’s an incredibly mature and considerate stance to take for them.

Lots of homosexual people have children.

Yes but that has been facilitated by developments such as surrogacy and organised adoption. At a biological level Nature has allowed for them not to be all that driven.

And the truth is plenty of people simply don't have a strong reproductive drive. That was just one example of procreative urge not being an imperative for all.