I dont understand why anyone would want children

[Careerchangeplease]

I'll preface this by saying I can sort of semi understand why people with lots of money and time and support etc would have a more enjoyable time having kids but for the 90% of the population, I dont understand why anyone would want to have kids and give themselves

• less sleep and rest
• more work
• more stress
• less money
• more worry/anxiety
• less free time
• less relaxation/leisure time

All the stuff that comes with pregnancy and birth, pain, bleeding, prolapses etc etc Not to mention all the shit things that are happening in the world, the fact that the kids will probably never be able to buy a house, cost of living is just getting worse etc Obviously each to their own and live and let live but am I missing something?

You are correct they can’t. They can however normally relate and empathise to some extent depending on the age they had children and the quality of their lived experience to date prior to this.

expecting or hoping / wanting to be able to convey what having a child does to your life to a person has doesn’t have couldn’t have or didn’t want children is simply not possible to the same degree for obvious reasons.

that doesn’t make either better than the other.

Nothing!
I can see that now.
But at the time, it felt like I was getting old, that the train was passing me by and, believe it or not, that I was failing 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

Very crap beliefs? Yep. I didn’t know that then

Ditto - Christmas is an absolutely brilliant time of year in my child-free house. Me and DP spend a fortune on presents, food, drink; the house is done up like a grotto on acid; and we have a full two weeks to just chill and do whatever we want.

Children would ruin it.

I love adults only Christmas!

I have known people I think maybe didn't regret it as such, but I am sure they found it harder than expected.

You shouldn't feel guilt, but it's one reason I think people should admit to the difficulties as well as the joys, and let people make up their own minds.

Sorry it's been tough. The reality is there are plenty of things that can - and for some do - make it tough.

It doesn’t always bring joy and fulfilment and it really isn’t for everyone. If you’re a worrier it isn’t great as there’ll always be something to worry about whatever age they are. Sometimes it’s amazing. Definitely too much pressure generally to have children.

Exactly @Crushed23 @KimberleyClark @KStockHERO , you’ve made the right choice for you.

Someone else would prefer a different type of Christmas and I’d only go back to Orlando if I had to for business @Crushed23, I didn’t like it at all.

We’re all different and we just need to make the right choices for ourselves. Thank goodness we’re able to nowadays.

I was such an arrogant shit before I had kids, I’m so much nicer now (still a bit arrogant, obviously, but not a shit as such).

That's been one bonus, I can’t really begin to list all the others. Yes, hard work, expensive, worrying, limiting. But SO MUCH FUN over the years. I don’t regret a thing, and thank my lucky stars they came along.

So it bothered you at one point, and now it doesn't so no-one else should pass comment, subject closed? I agree that all our genetic lines could end at any point in the future and we wouldn't know, but that doesn't mean its a waste of time to ponder these things just because that's the conclusion you have come to.

Reading this thread... I just don't think I'll ever understand why people need to make critical generalisations to justify their position or beliefs

I also don't understand the whole 'i don't like x, am I missing something?'
Obviously you aren't. You just don't like it. That's fine. Why start a thread about it?!

Because ultimately it’s f*ing awesome and worth every one of those things

Biological imperative, with added social expectation and FOMO.

It's a case of different strokes, for different folks.

I enjoy having a family, that's not just my husband or my family of origin.

I do question and wonder why people with limited resources, in poverty and struggling to feed their kids actively made that choice.

Yup!

Love plays a big part, but that builds after meeting them (or usually after conceiving them).

You can think about it all you like. I decided not to waste my time doing so.

It all comes down to basic human drives really, however much we dress it up as purely a matter of choice and a lifestyle decision. There's the basic biological urge to procreate, but there's also the maybe subconscious desire for the status of parenthood, the security of being in a family unit and the fear of being alone in old age.

I think it's a fair enough question.
And I say that as a mum.
Since having DC 14 years ago, I am now:

• Poor, as a direct result of the expense of having children
• Sleep deprived, due to having children who have sleeping difficulties
• Mentally drained, due to the mental load of parenting
• Physically exhausted, due to increased physical tiredness caused by parenting
• Anxious, due to the endless worries that come with parenting
• Frightened, due to not knowing what the future will hold for my DC in this current economic climate
• Guilty, due to not ever being able to save up for my DC's future because of the phenomenal cost of living rises involved in simply feeding, clothing and paying for clubs, social activities, etc. for 2 extra humans
• Annoyed all the time, caused by my house being a constant mess caused by DC
• Irritated by other people's kids that cause my kids grief
• Sad, caused by losing friendships since having DC. I can see my friendships slipping away because I don't have the time or mental energy to give them enough input.

I could go on. So why did I choose to have kids? I don't know. I didn't know any of the above before I had them. Would I change anything and choose not to have children if I could turn the clock back? No. I love my DC more than life. The decision to have them wasn't logical. It was a deep need that pumped through my veins and wouldn't stop until I'd conceived.

But clearly you did ponder this very thing and at some point it did in fact occupy
your thoughts. Acknowledging the validity of another poster’s comments doesn’t diminish your personal story.

I wasn't really thinking deeply about it until this thread where a question was posed. Like you I answered it, but my responses seem to have hit a weird nerve with you judging by your strange dogmatic responses..

This ☺️🙌

I get your point of view, but that’s why everyone is different and without kids how will society grow?
my parents never had much money when I was younger but the scrimped and saved and by the time I was we were homeowners. My mum is now mortgage free, and we live with her because our circumstances changed. When I was 19 and pregnant with DS, he wasn’t planned but me and DP were both in a good place, good full time jobs, etc same as when dd came along. But we’ve had a change of circumstances, and live with my mum, it’s helped everyone massively bill wise including her. Works for us, dc are happy and that’s all that matters.

even though I care for DS, hes autistic with some medical issues, he can do some things alone and some with support which my mum helps him with if I’m at work. He’s almost finished college and dd is year 8 so I’m almost at the end of the cycle, by the time I’m 40 I’ll have way more time to myself because dd can now, but will be more independent by then.

not all pregnancy’s are the same, I had 2 fairly easy ones but one was defo harder than the other. It’s dependant on many things. People choose it because they simply want it. Parenting whilst challenging can be one of the most rewarding things ever 🙃

All that is temporary and then you get these lovely people who you love more than life itself to hang out with and share your interests with. And they start to do work as well as create work so you come home to dinner made and the lawn mowed. And they crack you up with their sense of humour and seeing them be happy is enough to make you twice as happy.

It’s a biological urge that makes everything else , all the struggles, insignificant. When you have children your perspective shifts and everything is about them and while it’s hard, you’re okay with that because you love them so much.

I understand not everybody wants children / has that urge and that’s totally normal too.

Everyone is different. I always wanted kids and having my eldest (unplanned etc, idiot dad) gave me a reason to live and a purpose to my life. Not saying it’s the case for everyone and I have a full life/ career, friends etc, but my kids are my reason to get up in the morning.

I had children young because it was expected and I was raised in a working class household where there were no aspirations to have a career. I'm now in my 50s with three grown children and grandchildren and love them dearly but given the choice I would not have had them. I struggled with motherhood and can see now that I would have been better suited to a single life.

I think ultimately what people want is meaning in their lives, as well as joy - there isn't anything bigger or more meaningful than the love between parent and child. I say this as a happily child free person. At the end of the day such a profound decision isn't made in a rational, tick box way. Basically humans crave meaning, love and connection, and having a child is that times a thousand. It also looks like a lot of worry too though.