Help asking to bring baby to a wedding

[Fedup2910]

So ladies, I need your help to try and ask my friend to bring baby to wedding.
DD 9 months is EFB, I have been trying to weeks to get there to take a bottle but she won’t. My mum is coming to look after both my kids.
Realistically I can’t leave DD 9 months for like 11 hours without milk can I?! So she’ll need to come, I’m thinking for the ceremony and then wedding breakfast, and then home between breakfast and reception, I’ll supply my own food for her and remove her if she was to make noise.
It isn’t completely no kids at wedding, it’s no friends kids, only family kids (one of which is the same age as my baby).
I don’t think I’m being unreasonable to ask? I just need help composing a message.
Only other time I’ve left my baby was for 5 hours to go to the hen do.
Only other alternative is I drive home a couple times in the day and leave the wedding to feed her which I don’t really want to do as it’s half an hour each way.

Is she not eating meals now? Does she actually have much milk now? Does she use a beaker for water etc?
If you're not happy leaving her, that's fine.
Just decline and explain the reason why. If friend is happy for you to bring baby she will offer you that option.

At that age my daughter (also EBF) was in nursery from 7.30-6 every day.
She refused to drink expressed milk so she just went all day without milk and ate food/drank water from a sippy cup instead. Will she drink milk from a cup? If not, it won’t cause any major issues if she has to go without for the day. Bedtime might be tricky though so if you’re not miles away then it might be worth popping home to feed before bed if that’s viable.

Huh? Not sure why you’re so triggered by that post…

No don't ask.

I wouldn’t ask, I’d just say you couldn’t come because you couldn’t leave your baby. The bride and groom can then either accept you won’t be there, or extend an invitation to your baby too.

I did the same for a friend’s wedding when my DS was 4mo as he was EBF, bride was a long-term friend but there was unfortunately no offer to bring him along after I said I couldn’t leave him, so I just didn’t go. Stung a bit to see other babies and children in the photos, but never mind.

What theory is that? None was proposed, and one could just as easily say 'Bully for you!' that your DD is so highly paid/thought of, but this is nothing to do with your DD then or now.

It's a bit patronising for you to decide that mothers will have a nicer day by you not inviting their baby 🙄

Surely a 9 month old isn't EBF though? Food should be introduced at around 6 months and you haven't mentioned any delays, disabilities or medical conditions that have prevented this in your child.

Milk can be given in cups or whatever you 9 month old is drinking water from and this will be supplemented with food.

If you don't want to leave him then you will have to skip the wedding.

Ah gosh, it’s awkward.

I think if your baby was a newborn or a couple of months old, then it would be fair enough. 9 months old might be a little different.

You can only ask. Failing that, just go for the ceremony and the morning bit and go home to feed etc.

A friend asked me similar and was awkward as others had smaller babies not coming. I was particularly annoyed as I'd left my baby much younger for longer for her hen do (which at the time I'd found difficult, not that she'd known that).

At 9 months baby will be fine without being breastfed for a day.

I had a total bottle refuser, but actually by 6 months he did miraculously take a bottle - have you tried again?

A friend asked me similar and was awkward as others had smaller babies not coming. I was particularly annoyed as I'd left my baby much younger for longer for her hen do (which at the time I'd found difficult, not that she'd known that).

At 9 months baby will be fine without being breastfed for a day.

I had a total bottle refuser, but actually by 6 months he did miraculously take a bottle - have you tried again?

I disagree with the consensus here.
Some babies are fine being left at this age, others are not and it's perfectly reasonable not to want to leave your 9 month old for such a long time.

It's absolutely reasonable not to want to leave your baby.

It's not reasonable to make that someone else's problem, IMO. I would decline and explain why, giving the bride and groom the opportunity to bend the rules if they wish. But asking outright is unfair and putting them in an awkward position.

Nine months is too wriggly to be a babe in arms at a wedding. I formula fed my babies from six months because I’m more selfish than you and was ready for a bit more freedom. Breastfeeding a nine month old is a choice, albeit the best choice, but I think in making that choice you also choose to be less available for child-free social events and this is one of those times.

9 months isn’t a young baby, she’ll be crawling and maybe even cruising at that age. If your friend has said it’s no kids and your DC isn’t invited, and you don’t feel you want to/can’t leave her then decline the wedding invitation.

At 9 mo, weaning should be under way and, also, many babies are in nursery for 8+ hours and if they refuse milk, they refuse milk and reverse cycle afterwards. It's not the same as with a newborn.
I wouldn't ask to bring baby, I'd find a way round or politely decline.

That’s absolutely fine, but then you just don’t go to the wedding.

Oh God yes. Nothing worse than attempting to dance at an evening reception with bursting boobs.. and painful to if someone knocks into you.

Couldn’t you just pump, though?

OP, the UK culture can be a bit weird about babies being breast fed at 9m, so you may not get many reasonable replies. There is also the trend of childless weddings, usually from childless couples.

At 9m, developmentally, babies really want to be with their mums, esp if they are breast feeding. It's ok to put your baby's needs firsts rather than the bride's, and you sound like a caring and thoughtful mum. I wonder if you could enjoy it anyway, if you will be worrying about your baby.

I find it all a bit joyless and vapid, excluding babies and children from weddings.

Frankly I think it's a bit rude to ask your friends to make an exception to their clear rule for you. You potentially put them in an awkward position. If you can't leave your baby then don't go; your friends will understand that their restriction will mean some guests won't be able to come. They've decided what works for them and told potential guests, don't make the planning more stressful for them by trying it on. What makes you so special?
If I were on the receiving end of your request the answer would be a swift, straight 'no', regardless of how you worded it.

@Fedup2910 Do you really mean that your 9 month old gets all her nutrition from Breast Milk and you have never started her on any solids? At all? Because that is what EBF means? Current recommendations are to EBF until 6 months, if you can and then gradually introduce solid foods and reduce the Breast Feeding. It's perfectly OK to continue giving some breast milk for as long as it suits you and the wee one, but you should have been introducing solid foods for the last 3 months.

So I agree with others, you simply cannot ask your friend if your baby can come. It will put her in an impossible situation. Different if the baby was 9 weeks old - and even then not really cool to ask if it's a no children except Family children wedding. So either, your Mum comes too and stays in a room at the venue so that you can pop up to the room and give the feed - or tell your friend that you are very sorry, but you expected to have been able to get her to take to a bottle and she simply refuses to take one, so you'll have to turn down the invitation ( or even part of the invitation ( for example the evening do) as it will be too long for your wee one to go without sustenance ( if she is really being EBF). Or as others have said, if she IS on Solids and will take water, even from a sippy cup, she'll be fine with your Mum for 11 hours or so

Yes I probably just wouldn't go to the wedding either in those circumstances.
But I would also never not invite someone to bring a baby under 1 to my wedding as I don't think it's reasonable to expect mothers to leave their babies for that time unless they want to.

A 9 month old is eating and drinking. You do not need to breastfeed all day. Don’t ask. It’s really unfair on the bride. The kid isn’t invited. Either go alone or don’t go.

I had one like that - wouldn't take a bottle at all. Fortunately the nursery was very close to work so had to go round at lunchtime.
Fortunately the sippy cup was acceptable.
We did go to a wedding that year - it was no children apart from close family and small babies.