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Original poster

Help asking to bring baby to a wedding

291 replies

Fedup2910 · 06/09/2025 09:46

So ladies, I need your help to try and ask my friend to bring baby to wedding.
DD 9 months is EFB, I have been trying to weeks to get there to take a bottle but she won’t. My mum is coming to look after both my kids.
Realistically I can’t leave DD 9 months for like 11 hours without milk can I?! So she’ll need to come, I’m thinking for the ceremony and then wedding breakfast, and then home between breakfast and reception, I’ll supply my own food for her and remove her if she was to make noise.
It isn’t completely no kids at wedding, it’s no friends kids, only family kids (one of which is the same age as my baby).
I don’t think I’m being unreasonable to ask? I just need help composing a message.
Only other time I’ve left my baby was for 5 hours to go to the hen do.
Only other alternative is I drive home a couple times in the day and leave the wedding to feed her which I don’t really want to do as it’s half an hour each way.

OP posts:
fruitbrewhaha · 06/09/2025 14:29

No you shouldn’t ask and you don’t need to. Express some milk that you mum can offer in a sippy cup, but most likely she won’t be bothered for any. As long as she eats something and drinks some water she will be absolutely fine for 11 hours.

I did this with my first who was 9 months but I did an over night stay so it was over 24 hours. Dd was perfectly happy.

Calliopespa · 06/09/2025 14:34

9 months is getting quite big op. Some babies start walking at that age. Surely she could manage watermelon etc and frozen ice lollies - just freeze plain water if you prefer.

And I hate to jolt you to the reality but driving half an hour back and forth is the least you will be doing as a mum-taxi in the years ahead. It's not really a biggie if you're really worried about her not drinking.

Calliopespa · 06/09/2025 14:37

YankSplaining · 06/09/2025 13:26

She’s probably not taking a bottle from you because she knows you can give her milk from your breasts, so why should she have to drink from this other thing? What happens if you’re not home and someone tries to give her a bottle?

I had to wean my daughter off breastmilk at seven months because I needed to go back on my regular medication. A baby who has no breastmilk for eleven hours is going to drink from a bottle, not starve herself. Your daughter will be okay.

This might sound silly to some people, but I’d also try talking to her about it. I think older babies sometimes understand more than we think they do, even if they can’t talk themselves yet - and if it makes no difference, well, it certainly won’t hurt anything, either.

I don't think it is silly to explain things! I had some startling responses from one of mine when I did this.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

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Thedoorisalwaysopen · 06/09/2025 14:38

Absolute no chance. Child free means just that. At 9 months old your kid will be eating some solid food or you should be introducing a cup for milk, as many PP have said.

TheEllisGreyMethod · 06/09/2025 14:38

Can you not go home between the ceremony and breakfast or reception to feed? I would probably go to the ceremony and breakfast but not reception in your shoes.
I really get it as I had a similar baby. I had to leave her at 9 months for KIT days and she wouldn't take a bottle. I used to feed her on lunch and hope she would take food. Fwiw what really helped was ditching bottles and getting a tum tum and she also needed the milk slightly warm to get her drinking.

LhudeSingCuccu · 06/09/2025 14:40

Jjust decline the invitation if it’s going to be that difficult for you. I left a baby of this age with my sister when we went to a wedding. He was ebf and had never taken a bottle nor cup, although I’d been trying. She ended up giving him expressed milk from a teaspoon as that was all he’d take. He was just fine.

Please don’t put the hosts in an awkward situation by asking to bring your baby.

AlwaysGotAnOpinion · 06/09/2025 14:42

Candleabra · 06/09/2025 09:48

You can only ask. I think babes in arms should be invited if the parents are , but depends on how the couple see it.

Exactly this! Doesn’t hurt to ask by explaining the situation and saying no pressure. Deal with the consequences and make alternative plans / decline the invite if she says no.

I had the exact same situation with my 9 month old - still EBF and invited to my cousin’s ’no children’ wedding. The wedding was 3 hours away with no on-site accommodation to make arrangements to manage the baby / feeding, plus all our family in that area was at the wedding, so we declined the invite. My cousin got super pissy with me for declining the invite and deleted me off all social media 🤣 absolute bellend. And then the 13 year old son of our other cousin was allowed to go so wasn’t exactly a hard and fast rule 🙄 anywaaaay. These situations will always show up people’s true colours! Got to expect some people to decline an invite if children aren’t invited and that’s the choice they make!

sittingonabeach · 06/09/2025 14:42

For those saying you wouldn’t accept an invite as you can’t leave a 9 month old. How do you think many babies cope when mum’s go back k to work. Many parents can’t afford to go beyond 9 months maternity leave.

And as the wedding is only half an hour away OP doesn’t need to be away for 11 hours. She could forego the evening bit

Obsesetits · 06/09/2025 14:45

9 months old should be exclusively breastfed still? They should be having solids.. and water?

YABU. There’s no need tomorrow being a 9mo to a wedding for this reason.

Advocodo · 06/09/2025 14:46

I wouldn’t ask. Your baby is 9 months old eating foods. If need be you
can go home and feed her. Sorry to be harsh.

silverstorm101 · 06/09/2025 14:46

Half an hour away? That's not that far really is it?

As others have said please don't ask and put your friend in an awkward position, it's really not fair. The baby should be on solids now anyway so if you really had to you could nip away after the ceremony and then pop back for the meal and some of the evening do? Even if you had to pop back twice 2 hours out of 11 isn't much is it? It's better than not going at all, you say you managed 5 hours for the hen night so by that logic you would only need to pop home once half way through?

I see you haven't responded to anyone so I'm guess it's not really what you wanted to hear.

NomoneyNoprospects · 06/09/2025 14:46

Zempy · 06/09/2025 10:15

I wouldn’t ask, no.

My two were EBF and totally refused the bottle.

I would send a message explaining you will be unable to attend as DD cannot be left due to EBF.

That gives bride and groom the opportunity to gracefully accept your decision, or make an offer for DD to attend.

Yeah, do this. A friend told me she couldn't leave her newborn to attend our wedding and I said of course you must bring him, if you feel up to it. And she did, which was lovely. He slept the entire time.

My cousin had a family kids only wedding when DD was EBF and I just rsvp'd straightaway politely declining, and explaining why. If they'd genuinely wanted me there that badly they'd have allowed me to bring her. They didn't, so I didn't go. No hard feelings on either side.

BananaPeels · 06/09/2025 14:48

I had a bottle refuser but I did still leave him with my mum on occasion. It certainly wasn’t for long before 6 months but once they started eating they got a lot of liquid that way and we also bought some big syringes that my mum would gently put a little of liquid in their mouth or use a cup to gently get them to drink. This lasted until 15 months when I had has enough and basically gave my baby to my mum for the weekend to break the cycle and it was sippy cups when then on. I wouldn’t have taken him to a wedding.

sittingonabeach · 06/09/2025 14:48

But 9mo shouidn’t be EBF, weaning should be happening

Bitzee · 06/09/2025 14:50

MimiSunshine · 06/09/2025 14:16

There are some really odd and frankly abusive responses on the 1st page.

letting a small baby go hungry until they relent and take a bottle. Fucking disgusting.

also EBF babies don’t need water nor will they be eating three solid meals a day.

Did you misread 9 months as 9 weeks?

latetothefisting · 06/09/2025 14:51

I would phrase it as being sorry you won't be able to make it because baby is ebf, despite trying etc. That way they can offer for you to bring her if they want, but they're not in the awkward position of refusing if they don't.

Personally I'd probably just go to the ceremony and breakfast and then leave.

If your mum is okay driving with the kids she could come to the area and take the kids to a local park or something for an hour, that way you could pop out at some point (probably between ceremony and breakfast) to feed, mum can then go home and you stay for a few hours more, albeit still not the whole day. Or you drive back once.

I dont think it's fair to ask them to let her come personally. "Only family's kids" is a clear rule. "Only family's kids and yiur 9 month old for your reason and someone elses brand new baby for this reason and then someone elses toddler for another..." is where lines start getting blurred and their other guests might get pissed off.

They've got enough things to be worrying about this close to the wedding rather than how to politely decline without offending either you, or their other guests.

FormidableMizzP · 06/09/2025 14:57

Don't be that person. The Bride has enough going on without you adding this guilt. This is your dilemma you need to deal with it like the adult you are. Or don't go!

You can express your milk for your Mum to feed the toddler. But also baby formula is not the end of the world for goodness sake.

MissHollysDolly · 06/09/2025 14:59

MimiSunshine · 06/09/2025 14:16

There are some really odd and frankly abusive responses on the 1st page.

letting a small baby go hungry until they relent and take a bottle. Fucking disgusting.

also EBF babies don’t need water nor will they be eating three solid meals a day.

They should be if they are 9 months old.

ThatMiddleClassFood · 06/09/2025 15:02

There's no harm in asking the worse that can happen is your told no.

Can your mum take the kids somewhere near the venue and you can feed baby after the ceremony and nip home once during reception.

Have you tried a doidy cup or nuby sippy cup? these worked for my bottle refuser.

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Nuby Two-Handle No-Spill Super Spout Grip N' Sip Cup, 8 Ounce (1 Pack Green) : Amazon.co.uk: Baby Products

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https://amzn.eu/d/jisGWRi?tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum--chat-5405507-help-asking-to-bring-baby-to-a-wedding

MovingBird123 · 06/09/2025 15:02

Mine wouldn't take a bottle - I was going to work and she was going to nursery and it was a difficult few months. She did eventually drink from a beaker.

Your mum could give her really hydrating foods - watermelon, other fruits, a stew etc... Also try using different types of cups - open, sippy, beaker.

NotARealWookiie · 06/09/2025 15:06

gingercat02 · 06/09/2025 10:05

9 months no, a new born would be understandable. I think you decline the invitation and explain you can't leave her for that long as she won't take a bottle. They might offer to let her come, but don't ask.
Have you tried a cup of milk?

I agree - politely tell them you are really sorry but she won’t take a bottle and so you can’t leave her and won’t be able to attend. They’ll tell you to bring her if it’s an option.

Pherian · 06/09/2025 15:10

Fedup2910 · 06/09/2025 09:46

So ladies, I need your help to try and ask my friend to bring baby to wedding.
DD 9 months is EFB, I have been trying to weeks to get there to take a bottle but she won’t. My mum is coming to look after both my kids.
Realistically I can’t leave DD 9 months for like 11 hours without milk can I?! So she’ll need to come, I’m thinking for the ceremony and then wedding breakfast, and then home between breakfast and reception, I’ll supply my own food for her and remove her if she was to make noise.
It isn’t completely no kids at wedding, it’s no friends kids, only family kids (one of which is the same age as my baby).
I don’t think I’m being unreasonable to ask? I just need help composing a message.
Only other time I’ve left my baby was for 5 hours to go to the hen do.
Only other alternative is I drive home a couple times in the day and leave the wedding to feed her which I don’t really want to do as it’s half an hour each way.

Just let your mom get in with it and go and enjoy the wedding. If they have set out the rules and breaking them for you it will only cause animosity among other guests.

Alternatively, don’t go.

Laura95167 · 06/09/2025 15:12

Will she not take a bottle if you express?

Anonymouseposter · 06/09/2025 15:12

MimiSunshine · 06/09/2025 14:16

There are some really odd and frankly abusive responses on the 1st page.

letting a small baby go hungry until they relent and take a bottle. Fucking disgusting.

also EBF babies don’t need water nor will they be eating three solid meals a day.

That’s true for a small baby under 5 months but by 9 months most babies are eating solids and can drink from a cup.

Justmyopinionbut · 06/09/2025 15:14

I'd say it's not a conversation to have via message...think you should call or meet up. Say you're really struggling to know what to do and ask if there would be any flexibility on you having her there on the assurance that you'd remove her if she got noisy. Think you have the capacity to convey your worries better in person than via text.