Page 10 | Help asking to bring baby to a wedding

LondonJax · 06/09/2025 17:45

Why don't you just ask if it's OK for you to come to the ceremony, leave after that so skip the wedding breakfast, then go to the wedding reception in the evening? Just explain the extended day is going to be awkward.

You said your journey would only take half an hour. That way you'd be home for the majority of the day, still see the ceremony (which is the important part) and have a party later (which is the fun part).

Notthegodofsmallthings · 06/09/2025 17:45

Silvers11 · 06/09/2025 17:33

@Fedup2910 Do you really mean that your 9 month old gets all her nutrition from Breast Milk and you have never started her on any solids? At all? Because that is what EBF means? Current recommendations are to EBF until 6 months, if you can and then gradually introduce solid foods and reduce the Breast Feeding. It's perfectly OK to continue giving some breast milk for as long as it suits you and the wee one, but you should have been introducing solid foods for the last 3 months.

So I agree with others, you simply cannot ask your friend if your baby can come. It will put her in an impossible situation. Different if the baby was 9 weeks old - and even then not really cool to ask if it's a no children except Family children wedding. So either, your Mum comes too and stays in a room at the venue so that you can pop up to the room and give the feed - or tell your friend that you are very sorry, but you expected to have been able to get her to take to a bottle and she simply refuses to take one, so you'll have to turn down the invitation ( or even part of the invitation ( for example the evening do) as it will be too long for your wee one to go without sustenance ( if she is really being EBF). Or as others have said, if she IS on Solids and will take water, even from a sippy cup, she'll be fine with your Mum for 11 hours or so

Not cool to ask if a 9 week old baby could accompany it's mother to a wedding? Do you actually have children?
What is not cool is asking any mum to leave her baby for any reason. When did weddings become so self-centered and devoid of empathy for others.

I am finding these replies quite sad, and it says a lot about how society views mothers and babies, and their needs. There is a lot of misogyny on this thread.

Bluebigclouds · 06/09/2025 17:47

Silvers11 · 06/09/2025 17:33

@Fedup2910 Do you really mean that your 9 month old gets all her nutrition from Breast Milk and you have never started her on any solids? At all? Because that is what EBF means? Current recommendations are to EBF until 6 months, if you can and then gradually introduce solid foods and reduce the Breast Feeding. It's perfectly OK to continue giving some breast milk for as long as it suits you and the wee one, but you should have been introducing solid foods for the last 3 months.

So I agree with others, you simply cannot ask your friend if your baby can come. It will put her in an impossible situation. Different if the baby was 9 weeks old - and even then not really cool to ask if it's a no children except Family children wedding. So either, your Mum comes too and stays in a room at the venue so that you can pop up to the room and give the feed - or tell your friend that you are very sorry, but you expected to have been able to get her to take to a bottle and she simply refuses to take one, so you'll have to turn down the invitation ( or even part of the invitation ( for example the evening do) as it will be too long for your wee one to go without sustenance ( if she is really being EBF). Or as others have said, if she IS on Solids and will take water, even from a sippy cup, she'll be fine with your Mum for 11 hours or so

I think EBF means no formula at this age plus solids. But UK guidelines are until 1 babies main source of food should be breastmilk or formula. 9 months is quite early to be well established on solids although it varies.

But I think the main issue is that it is very stressful for a baby this age to be left by it's main caregiver unless the baby is used to it (and probably if the baby is used to it)
Oh and it's stressful for the mother too.

SouthLondonMum22 · 06/09/2025 17:48

Bluebigclouds · 06/09/2025 17:41

Yes I probably just wouldn't go to the wedding either in those circumstances.
But I would also never not invite someone to bring a baby under 1 to my wedding as I don't think it's reasonable to expect mothers to leave their babies for that time unless they want to.

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They don't have to though, they can just decline the invitation.

LondonJax · 06/09/2025 17:48

Notthegodofsmallthings · 06/09/2025 17:45

Not cool to ask if a 9 week old baby could accompany it's mother to a wedding? Do you actually have children?
What is not cool is asking any mum to leave her baby for any reason. When did weddings become so self-centered and devoid of empathy for others.

I am finding these replies quite sad, and it says a lot about how society views mothers and babies, and their needs. There is a lot of misogyny on this thread.

Show quote history

Baby is 9 months old, not 9 weeks.

SouthLondonMum22 · 06/09/2025 17:50

Notthegodofsmallthings · 06/09/2025 17:45

Not cool to ask if a 9 week old baby could accompany it's mother to a wedding? Do you actually have children?
What is not cool is asking any mum to leave her baby for any reason. When did weddings become so self-centered and devoid of empathy for others.

I am finding these replies quite sad, and it says a lot about how society views mothers and babies, and their needs. There is a lot of misogyny on this thread.

Show quote history

How dare the couple who are actually getting married have the day that they want.

Children and babies don't need to be invited to everything and if someone doesn't want to leave their DC, they can simply decline going to the wedding.

Baby is also 9 months old, not 9 weeks old.

Parker231 · 06/09/2025 17:51

Notthegodofsmallthings · 06/09/2025 17:45

Not cool to ask if a 9 week old baby could accompany it's mother to a wedding? Do you actually have children?
What is not cool is asking any mum to leave her baby for any reason. When did weddings become so self-centered and devoid of empathy for others.

I am finding these replies quite sad, and it says a lot about how society views mothers and babies, and their needs. There is a lot of misogyny on this thread.

Show quote history

We had a child free wedding because we wanted to. No one asked us to make an exception and we would have refused if asked.

Notthegodofsmallthings · 06/09/2025 17:52

LondonJax · 06/09/2025 17:48

Baby is 9 months old, not 9 weeks.

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I am replying to the poster's comment about a 9 week old baby:

'Different if the baby was 9 weeks old - and even then not really cool to ask if it's a no children except Family children wedding'.
Hope that clears it up for you, LondonJax.

Bluebigclouds · 06/09/2025 17:56

SouthLondonMum22 · 06/09/2025 17:48

They don't have to though, they can just decline the invitation.

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Yes you don't have to go to something you are invited to and as a parent with clingy baby missing things is often what you need to live with. However I think it's a big shame that such invitations and expectation are made of mothers with weddings, because of course you don't have to go. However if it's your friend you will feel guilty and torn about it. There will be loads of people including other mothers judging you and not understanding (simply because perhaps their child had a different personality).

Although I admit before I had a baby I wouldn't necessarily have understood the problem.

Notthegodofsmallthings · 06/09/2025 17:56

SouthLondonMum22 · 06/09/2025 17:50

How dare the couple who are actually getting married have the day that they want.

Children and babies don't need to be invited to everything and if someone doesn't want to leave their DC, they can simply decline going to the wedding.

Baby is also 9 months old, not 9 weeks old.

Show quote history

I am replying to the poster's comment about a 9 week old baby:
'Different if the baby was 9 weeks old - and even then not really cool to ask if it's a no children except Family children wedding'.
Hope that clears it up for you, too, South London Mum 22.

One day, when you are bit older and wiser, and look back and recall your words in the rest of your post, you are going to cringe.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 06/09/2025 17:58

Bananaandmangosmoothie · 06/09/2025 17:29

Couldn’t you just pump, though?

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This was a long time ago..and it was an overnighter. It was a bit optimistic looking back. I had tried pumping but never got on with it was so painful. But probably pumps are better now so that could still be an option for OP.

Depends how long she's got before the wedding to sort it out I guess.

Notthegodofsmallthings · 06/09/2025 18:02

Parker231 · 06/09/2025 17:51

We had a child free wedding because we wanted to. No one asked us to make an exception and we would have refused if asked.

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What is it that concerns you about a small baby attending your wedding with their mother, to the point you would rather exclude the woman and her baby?

Silvers11 · 06/09/2025 18:03

Notthegodofsmallthings · 06/09/2025 17:45

Not cool to ask if a 9 week old baby could accompany it's mother to a wedding? Do you actually have children?
What is not cool is asking any mum to leave her baby for any reason. When did weddings become so self-centered and devoid of empathy for others.

I am finding these replies quite sad, and it says a lot about how society views mothers and babies, and their needs. There is a lot of misogyny on this thread.

Show quote history

I do indeed have children and grandchildren too. In fact, I don't agree with the decision by so many , that children and babies are not welcome at weddings and find it very sad, as you do.

Nevertheless, people have a right to have their decisions respected, whether one agrees with those decisions or not and asking if an exception can be made may put the Bride and Groom in a very difficult place, whatever the age of the child. One would hope that an explanation why you can't attend a wedding with a babe in arms, might prompt a reply that it's ok to take them with you, but equally it might not.

Yerdug · 06/09/2025 18:03

Sorry if I've missed something, but the baby is 9 months and not on any solids or water at all?

Parker231 · 06/09/2025 18:05

Notthegodofsmallthings · 06/09/2025 18:02

What is it that concerns you about a small baby attending your wedding with their mother, to the point you would rather exclude the woman and her baby?

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Our wedding - a black tie/London hotel/5 course dinner was not child/baby appropriate. No one declined the invite although some of our relatives and friends had young children.

Pinkpommebear · 06/09/2025 18:07

Fedup2910 · 06/09/2025 09:46

So ladies, I need your help to try and ask my friend to bring baby to wedding.
DD 9 months is EFB, I have been trying to weeks to get there to take a bottle but she won’t. My mum is coming to look after both my kids.
Realistically I can’t leave DD 9 months for like 11 hours without milk can I?! So she’ll need to come, I’m thinking for the ceremony and then wedding breakfast, and then home between breakfast and reception, I’ll supply my own food for her and remove her if she was to make noise.
It isn’t completely no kids at wedding, it’s no friends kids, only family kids (one of which is the same age as my baby).
I don’t think I’m being unreasonable to ask? I just need help composing a message.
Only other time I’ve left my baby was for 5 hours to go to the hen do.
Only other alternative is I drive home a couple times in the day and leave the wedding to feed her which I don’t really want to do as it’s half an hour each way.

Id probably not go. Babies at a wedding is a big no from me. Even if it's absolutely family kids. Hope she has a nice day.

persikmeow · 06/09/2025 18:16

Interesting responses. I would say, be honest with your friend and say you have considered all options but realistically you can either not come or bring the baby - what would she prefer?

For context, 1) I had a child free wedding; and 2) I have since had a baby that was breastfed until 1.5 years.

SeptemberNCing · 06/09/2025 18:27

Notthegodofsmallthings · 06/09/2025 17:29

OP, the UK culture can be a bit weird about babies being breast fed at 9m, so you may not get many reasonable replies. There is also the trend of childless weddings, usually from childless couples.

At 9m, developmentally, babies really want to be with their mums, esp if they are breast feeding. It's ok to put your baby's needs firsts rather than the bride's, and you sound like a caring and thoughtful mum. I wonder if you could enjoy it anyway, if you will be worrying about your baby.

I find it all a bit joyless and vapid, excluding babies and children from weddings.

Many of us on this thread have breastfed to two years old and beyond…and still think it’s fine for OP to leave her child who should be eating food and drinking water with a trusted relative for a day.

FreyaW · 06/09/2025 18:28

Try a sippy cup.

Notthegodofsmallthings · 06/09/2025 18:30

Parker231 · 06/09/2025 18:05

Our wedding - a black tie/London hotel/5 course dinner was not child/baby appropriate. No one declined the invite although some of our relatives and friends had young children.

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Children and babies can and do attend London hotels and sit through five course dinners all the time. Your decision to exclude babies/children (and by virtue their mothers) was not about appropriateness of venue and dinner courses.

You were clear in you earlier post you would have said no to any mum who wanted to attend with her baby, so it's neither here or there if your relatives with children did or didn't decline your invitation. I am asking why you would have said no to a mum attending with her baby, and you haven't give a genuine answer.

Grammarninja · 06/09/2025 18:30

Ebf babies are an entirely different matter to bringing kids. They're an attachment. Your friend should understand

Parker231 · 06/09/2025 18:31

Notthegodofsmallthings · 06/09/2025 18:30

Children and babies can and do attend London hotels and sit through five course dinners all the time. Your decision to exclude babies/children (and by virtue their mothers) was not about appropriateness of venue and dinner courses.

You were clear in you earlier post you would have said no to any mum who wanted to attend with her baby, so it's neither here or there if your relatives with children did or didn't decline your invitation. I am asking why you would have said no to a mum attending with her baby, and you haven't give a genuine answer.

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I would have said no as we didn’t want babies and children at our wedding.

Pinkpommebear · 06/09/2025 18:34

I think her just not wanting kids at her wedding is a reason enough. 💁‍♀️

SouthLondonMum22 · 06/09/2025 18:36

Notthegodofsmallthings · 06/09/2025 17:56

I am replying to the poster's comment about a 9 week old baby:
'Different if the baby was 9 weeks old - and even then not really cool to ask if it's a no children except Family children wedding'.
Hope that clears it up for you, too, South London Mum 22.

One day, when you are bit older and wiser, and look back and recall your words in the rest of your post, you are going to cringe.

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No I'm not.

I have 3 DC and still love a child free wedding.

Notthegodofsmallthings · 06/09/2025 18:36

Parker231 · 06/09/2025 18:31

I would have said no as we didn’t want babies and children at our wedding.

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That is an honest answer. Can I ask why you didn't want babies and children at your wedding?

Help asking to bring baby to a wedding

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