Help asking to bring baby to a wedding

[Fedup2910]

So ladies, I need your help to try and ask my friend to bring baby to wedding.
DD 9 months is EFB, I have been trying to weeks to get there to take a bottle but she won’t. My mum is coming to look after both my kids.
Realistically I can’t leave DD 9 months for like 11 hours without milk can I?! So she’ll need to come, I’m thinking for the ceremony and then wedding breakfast, and then home between breakfast and reception, I’ll supply my own food for her and remove her if she was to make noise.
It isn’t completely no kids at wedding, it’s no friends kids, only family kids (one of which is the same age as my baby).
I don’t think I’m being unreasonable to ask? I just need help composing a message.
Only other time I’ve left my baby was for 5 hours to go to the hen do.
Only other alternative is I drive home a couple times in the day and leave the wedding to feed her which I don’t really want to do as it’s half an hour each way.

THIS!!

By 9mths my DD had started walking, was feeding herself actual food and drinking from a sippy cup, with breakfast and bed time bottles - that she held herself. Breastfeeding exclusively beyond 6mths is not nutritionally beneficial enough.

We had a 'no kids' wedding because of small venue and all our friends with kids thanked us for their 1st child free night away. Only 1 couple objected to not being able to bring their 2yr old despite being told 1yr in advance.

This is factually incorrect though. At 9 months almost all of a babies nutrition should still be from milk, and breastmilk absolutely is nutritious enough still. It's perfectly normal for a baby not to be eating much at that age.

Maybe not the response you asked for but at 9 months old your baby should not be EBF. You mean cannot take a bottle? They should be on 3 meals a day in addition to milk, in which case you can leave baby all day if you wish to.

I went to a wedding when child was about the same age BF but would take a bottle sometimes if I wasn't about.
It was a distance so we stayed at a hotel and grandparents came too (we booked 2 rooms).

Grandparents met us at venue between day and evening so I could BF and then went back to hotel.

One issue is I needed a lot of breast pads as a lot of leakage.
Child had a wonderful day with grandparents but would not settle at night. So grandad was having to continuously carry up and down hotel corridor until we got back to hotel.

We co sleep too so I think this was a factor. Child may be better in normal environment.

I would do with flow and leave early if needed. I think child will likely be fine and distracted during the day but evening may become difficult. You may need somewhere at venue to express for your comfort

Depends on your relationship with the bride really. A sister or best friend would probably want to know why you weren't coming anyway so would let them know why you are declining. Anyone else I would just decline. It becomes awkward with other guests who couldn't bring theirs for a start. Some venues also have a limit on people as well and that includes staff, band and babies.

What nonsense. Unless there is something wrong of course EBF babies have water and eat three meals at 9 months old.

When is the wedding? I was in the exact same situation as you and did miss out on a few things unfortunately but at 9/10 months I was able to leave baby for 12 hours as she had milk from an open cup at this stage and was also having food too. Could you try that? Or go home once in the day after wedding breakfast for one feed and get home before bedtime for a feed or before dream feed? X

I dont think you can ask

9 month is very different to a 3/4 month..my DC was walking by 9 months and would need to be constantly engaged.

Also at 9 months she would survive on food, maybe porridge made up with breast milk, or try milk from a cup and not a bottle.

If she needs BF for sleep, then pop back home to put to bed before returning to the evening do.

No you don't ask. Maybe if she were like 2 months, it would be ok, but 9 months she won't nap in a sling most of the time, she'll be vocal, wriggly, crawling! You just politely decline and say you can't leave bubs for that long because she's still breast fed.

If the bride knows nothing about babies and has assumed that by 9 months your daughter will just eat solids while you are away, or just hasn't thought at all, she can reply with "oh do bring X and feed her when you need", If she would rather not have you or baby there she just gracefully accepts your apology.

Don’t ask. Baby is 9mths and on food /water so not ebf

Bully for you! Every child is different. My child did not feed herself till she was two and did not walk until she was fifteen months. She is now a Dr and is in a very responsible position and is highly paid and thought of so that blows your theory out of the water!

A 9 month old baby doesn't need a bottle. They can drink from a sippy cup or even a normal beaker.

The only thing I'd be worried about is baby coping without you for so long.

I wouldn't use EBF as an excuse as baby is over 6 months old. I'd say about being apart for so long and baby would struggle with separation anxiety (perhaps?), and you'd have to express milk being separated for so long etc.

If she said yes to you she'd have to say yes to everyone else's children. Best to decline the invitation than be cheeky.

I personally wouldn’t ask. I’d just try and go for the ceremony only if possible and say you can’t attend the rest as baby is ebf. If ceremony not possibly just say you can’t attend because baby is ebf. She may or may not understand depending on what she knows about kids. Tbh I ebf for a year but pre baby I had no idea how restrictive it was!
I left my baby with my husband when she was about ten months I thinn all day and she was perfectly happy but declined all bottles from him and fed a lot when I got home. However you do what you are comfortable doing and don’t let anyone else tell you otherwise

PP have said that there is no harm in asking but I disagree - you would put your friend in an uncomfortable position. How could she say ‘no’ without potentially hurting you? It is rude to ask after receiving an invite that clearly states that children are not allowed (unless family).

If your friend knows that you have a baby and the baby was not included in the invite - don’t bring the baby.

An invitation is not a summoning- you can tell your friend that you will unfortunately not be able to come because you are BF your LO. That’s a perfectly good excuse not to go to a child free wedding.

If you’ve left her for 5 hours maybe stay for the ceremony/wedding breakfast then come home.

If your child is eating solids and drinks from a cup then why can't you leave them for a few hours and just leave the wedding earlier than you originally planned that evening. At 9 months i assume your child is managing most of the day without formula so feed her before you go and then after the ceromony/photo’s/meal if you really can’t leave them with milk for the rest of the evening then go home. I don’t see why your baby would need so much milk at that age that you need them with you the entire day especially as you have stated you left her for 5 hours for the hen do. Go for 5 hours then go home instead of putting your friend in an awkward situation. Clearly she doesn’t want your children at the wedding or they would have been on the invite in the first place and asking her if you can bring the baby i would find really quite rude.

another option is your mum stays somewhere close by to the wedding and you can nip out to feed them when needed. If neither of these is an option then simply say sorry i can’t come

I would personally decline and just mention youre unable to leave baby at this time. If she offers great, but putting the bride in a position when they have enough stress going on I feel is a little unfair. I think the bride would appreciate this and more likely to offer. Up to you though.

No don’t ask, it’s not fair on them when they’ve already said no kids outside of family. Your baby isn’t a newborn which would be a reasonable exception. Don’t be that person.

When I had a similar situation (1yr old, long day, far away, no sitters), I asked if there was any exception to the no kids rule otherwise we’d have been unable to go. We went but were on our best behaviour all day, tried to stay under the radar and left early.

Why would you ask when there was a no children wedding? Embarrassing for the couple and unfair on other parents.

Sorry but a 13 year old is very different to a baby. They arent likely to cry and scream through the ceremony or speaches like a baby potentially would or throw tantrums like a toddler/small child.

When is the wedding? If the baby will still be EBF then it sounds like you just can't go

Lots of babies this age go to nursery and manage all day without milk as they want take a bottle. Water or ebm from a cup, porridge made with ebm, yoghurts, cheese etc, 3 meals and snacks. Feed a tonne before you leave, and she will catch up when you get back

Because the bride had been a really close friend for many years and I wanted her to have the choice of me being there, or not. I didn’t put any pressure on her to choose either way. There were other kids in the bridal party including one or 2 of the same age. I honestly had no other options than not to go otherwise.