Gone from ‘Well Off’ to ‘Completely Skint’? Please tell me about it!

[BenignKipper]

I have had it verrrrrry easy and I knew it. Good professional monthly salary, able to throw stuff in my trolley at M&S Simply Food and not worry about what it would come to, nice wardrobe from Toast and Zadig etc. Are you running a marathon for a good cause? Great, of course I will sponsor you £30 etc etc.

But my circumstances have seriously changed. Salary the same but divorce means I am looking at £10-15 a day disposable income after bills and travel. I’ve pared everything back in my budget and I can survive (obviously).

But I know it will be a shock to my system, emotionally/socially - it seems scary. Has anyone done this? Do you have any tips to navigate it?

At the beginning of the thread, when you said you had £400pm for fun money, I was going to suggest you kept the gym
membership and didn’t cancel TV subscriptions as you need something to do, especially as your DS will be at his dad’s for some of the time. As it’s £400 all in, they may well be unaffordable.
My biggest tip is to think about the all in cost of anything. Petrol. Parking. Getting a taxi as you’ve missed the last bus etc. You have to get a lot more organised. Do you have your coffee cup with you? Do you have your umbrella? Have you taken a meal out of the freezer? Have you eaten the food from a weekly shop in a way which means you do still have actual meals for the last couple of days?
Make sure your DS is on board! He may not have known a different lifestyle. He’s also at a stage where keeping up with with Jones’ can matter. Plus, if his dad is in a different financial position, he needs to be able to get his head (and wallet!) around the inconsistency.
Finally, if your friends offer to treat you and they’re in the easy with cash position still, let them. They’ll be doing it because they enjoy your company.

I am somewhat baffled how you have ended up with so little from the divorce?

That aside, of course it's doable. You must have lots of nice clothes /accessories/shoes so learn to repair the clothes and your own expenditure for a long time will be the occasional shoe repair.

Walking everywhere as much as possible cuts transport costs and removes the need to pay to exercise.

Meet friends for a walk or host at each others houses. Or just be upfront. I have happily bought meals for friends going through divorce having experienced the same thing myself.

Join a library for free books.

Sell some of the surplus expensive clothes /accessories? I used to sell clothes my children grew out of and save the money separately to buy their next clothes second hand.

But mostly I don't understand how a marriage with such an extravagant lifestyle has left you with nothing now? Aren't you entitled to equity from the house so you can buy rather than rent?

And start to learn to cook leftovers. All our leftover.veg gets turned into soups. Leftover fruit used for baking or smoothies etc.

If you sign up to Ocado new customer offers are really good -worth a look but i find they can be fairly economic any way and very good quality they also price match Tesco.
Use places like home bargains to get basic cleaning products , clothes wash, conditioner, toiletries etc things you can't be without and buy them on payday to last the month or so, surprisingly cheaper.
As someone else said look upon it as a challenge ,when you don't have to watch prices you end up paying over the odds ,now you have to watch prices you will have your eyes opened and even if things get better for you i bet you won't want to be ripped off again !
I've been hard up in the past and there were times when i was just resigned to the fact that i just couldn't buy / do as i please , i actually remember feeling a weird kind of relief ,of no pressure , it almost simplified my life at the time.
Concentrate on the fact you have a roof over your heads , you are safe and warm ,you have a bed and food ,your son by your side , most of us have too much stuff when actually we don't really need that much do we ?
You are going to be fine i bet ,life is full of pressure,dissapointment and expectations but it's also full of hope,wonder and surprises and we never know what's round the corner.
Good luck for a happy future for you and your lovely son.

Buy tems like tooth paste and cleaning products in the pound shop OP.
For your goddaughter stock up on treats from pound shop too, so you're not buying on the day.
Food try Lidl and Aldis. Unfortunately fruit is so expensive everywhere but is a little cheaper in both these shops.

If you have £300 a month disposable income, you are better than MILLIONS. I am literally just, by the skin of my teeth, staying afloat. I could give your £300 a good home.
It's not disposable money, it's for food too.
For clothes try second hand shops, you'd be surprised at what people give into them, a lot of people on MN swear by vinted too.

Congratulations though OP, for being free.

Have been in your shoes exactly and it is a big shock to the system. Got through by challenging myself to spend as little as possible and save small sums into a savings account/ cash jars - these add up and help you out in emergency situations. Let friends and family know about your change of circumstances and what is possible socially vs what is not - you will find that you lose a few mates when you can no longer splash the cash but these are frankly not worth keeping. Prep in advance for birthdays/Christmas and tuck things away in the sales. Go through that lovely wardrobe of designer duds and flog as much as possible through Ebay/Vinted. Batch cook from scratch and get a bigger freezer if possible to stash yellow sticker markdowns and premade meals. Be very upfront with DS about where the household stands financially - and do be kind to yourself.

I am where you are, OP, and it's ok. I walk a lot for exercise, use a free outdoor gym and do Youtube classes. Other things: one streaming channel at a time, free National Trust family tickets when they offer them, seat filling for the theatre, free museums and galleries (which has actually been brilliant), M&S for meat and fish mark-downs to put in the freezer, Olio, Uniqlo offers, Toast on Vinted.

it is just how it is so I can be free

This is the thing to hold onto OP. It will be a big adjustment but worth it. Lots of good ideas here to draw on. Good luck to you and your boy - you'll be grand

Also, don't buy anything for the home like an extra freezer without seeing if you can get it free first on Gumtree or Freecycle.

Meal plan, cook from scratch Lidl, aldi.
Vinted
Nearly new cashmere
you can have a nice life with nice things if you research, budget and plan well.
Focus on lowering consumption and fixing things.

Been through some tumultuous times recently in business. This coupled with current cost of living and I am having to budget more than I’m used to. It’s bloody tough out there at the moment but you can do it. Hopefully just temporarily.

I have to share that I recently bought myself a small bunch of still in bud carnations from the coop for £3.50 and they have lasted and lasted. Looked perfect for about 2 weeks.
I have often bought various modest bunches for my table and I feel like I will be sticking to the simple and gorgeous carnations now!

There are cheaper places to buy clothes than Toast and some of them are just as nice.

Also, Toast clothes last forever so you don't need to buy more for a while.

ProTip: make a note in your diary of when your favourite brands have sales on.

Silver lining; if your son is a university prospect and applies for finance based on your income, he will get the maximum loan. If he works at least in the summer vacation, or in a gap year, you might not need to pay for anything.

Of course you know this but bear in mind from his 18th birthday child benefit will stop.

and go on Vinted extensively? It's very time consuming, but you find bargains.

For me meal planning, writing a weekly shopping list and sticking to it were key. I was able to cook great meals from scratch, save money and drastically reduce food waste.
I also found withdrawing cash for the weekly shop a good way of being disciplined, as I knew that what I had on me was what I had to spend and my card was off limits.
We are more resilient than we realise and even though things are very different now I still food shop in the same way.
I also buy branded toiletries and cleaning products in bulk from home bargains once a month.

simikar here - I wasn’t ’well off’ though I would have been if my husband had coughed up towards bills etc - he would only pay 25% after our DC was born. However I’d paid off mortgage and things should’ve been financially easier. But he assaulted our DC , was arrested, and I applied for divorce. I have a mortgage again and a house the size of a rabbit hutch and is Very dated. It’s a shock to have to count every penny, and it’s sad to tell DCs that we can’t have things, like fillet steak etc. saddest part is DCs tiny bedroom - smaller than my garden shed. BUT this is a safe place for us and has a lovely warm vibe about it. I really like it and it’s much quicker to clean as it’s so small. Garden is much easier too. I think my dog was depressed for first few months as he was used to tonnes of space. BUT The lack of disposable income sends a powerful messsge to DCs to study hard, work hard and aim for financial independence as much as possible. I concentrate more on who I am and how I am as a person and a mother rather than providing lovely things. DC2 has had several parties here and this has helped DC associate her new home with good times. Hopefully you’ll adjust, and treasure the occasional food or theatre treats etc. if you’re younger and have no dependants it should be easier for you to build back up towards the life style you had before good luck

You'll get there, you might remarry or find Prince charming who is generous.

Your son can start a job too and earn full time salary within year or two.

Many of us have been through various financial situations

I've taught my girls hard physical work and obstinate resilience, no matter, office job might appear or go, man can earn or die, we must be willing to work with our hands and not overspend

Books, church concerts, even songs, museums, many things are free....some good YouTube channels

I'm only worried that 400 cannot stretch for a boiler repair but pray to God for help. I pray all day

Are you sure you’re not entitled to some support from the government?

You need to build them up as soon as possible becuase shit happens - car fridge shoes all go at once - and with no extra it's really hard to get out from under it.

If you have savings it's easier as you are not in debt or stuck struggling unable to repalce or deal with things.

We were fine with huge saving then when kids were young bought house took savings and endless shit - belive me you want to build savings up as soon as you can because it tends to rain and having some cushion makes it easier.

Yes, exactly. One of my daughters had a relationship in France which didn't work. She took the plane to here, was a living nanny and has been 10 years married now to a lovely Czeck guy who worships her

Smooth out bills by paying towards them each month so you don't get 'bill shock' when two bills come in at the same time,

Watch food wastage - it's easy to lose money through food you don't eat.

Housesitting could be a way to get a free holiday - some of the homes are absolutely beautiful and owners pay the power bill.

I lived on a tiny amount of money for a while, and I found it helped if I kept a knitting row counter on a piece of elastic round my wrist all the time. I used that to count up the pounds that I spent so I never went over budget. It made things a bit easier.

I also found that I had to be more ruthless about taking things back if they weren't fit for purpose, like clothes that shrank.

Good luck. I hope it works out for you.

Some of these replies are just bitter.

“oh that’s what we all have to live off, get over yourself”.

So what? It’s a material change in circumstance for OP, so whether it is what others deal with daily, it is totally new for her and she can very well feel daunted by it.

Why as a society do we always want to belittle and bring people down. Why do we have to invalidate other people’s feelings etc. so what, she bought some toast dresses before? Could afford the theatre - how awful someone enjoy themselves! When did this mean someone was an awful person, just because they could and you couldn’t?

Sounds a very challenging and daunting situation for you OP. Aldi and Lidl will save a fortune on food shops though so manageable on your budget definitely!

I'm the same and now have a mortgage until I'm 70 after I bought my ex out. Two teenagers. Always skint