Gone from ‘Well Off’ to ‘Completely Skint’? Please tell me about it!

[BenignKipper]

I have had it verrrrrry easy and I knew it. Good professional monthly salary, able to throw stuff in my trolley at M&S Simply Food and not worry about what it would come to, nice wardrobe from Toast and Zadig etc. Are you running a marathon for a good cause? Great, of course I will sponsor you £30 etc etc.

But my circumstances have seriously changed. Salary the same but divorce means I am looking at £10-15 a day disposable income after bills and travel. I’ve pared everything back in my budget and I can survive (obviously).

But I know it will be a shock to my system, emotionally/socially - it seems scary. Has anyone done this? Do you have any tips to navigate it?

Its £10/15 a day not a month.
I think the op is taking the proverbial.

This is positive (your son ) and he will learn great budget money lessons.

At 16, a PT job is an option too (around his studies etc)

Batch cook and freeze . Vinted and charity shops

Cut back on TV packages - I have Netflix and Disney only when it is 1.99 a month.

Hair and beauty - check out local colleges as often need clients to practice on (supervised fully)
You will be fine

People are advising about free meet ups with friends. Is this the issue? No. A replacing or repair will be the major one, not how to learn to talk to friends without going out. She still has her friends, hopefully

Are you owning your new place in or is it a council home. They offer free boilers if I'm correct

On similar lines as river swimming, we have discovered wild camping for holidays. Perfect for a holiday with a DS in late teens. It does cost a bit to get the right lightweight kit for backpack, even 2nd hand (unless you can borrow), but after that holidays just cost the transport to the Brecons or Lakes or wherever, and the food that you'd buy anyway (slightly more if you buy dehydrated meals to cook rather than preparing them at home). It's a fun challenge and brings experiences and views on a par with any holiday that I've paid a fortune for. I'm addicted, and would still want to do it if I came into big money. Helps if you can flex on dates, though, so you can avoid the shittiest weather.

It's £10-15 a day for food and 'fun money' - takes a bit of getting used to to be fair,

Sounds as if your ex ripped you (and therefore also his son) off financially, OP, so you’re well rid of him. I’ve been skint in the past, and I won’t deride or belittle anyone who’s facing this frightening new situation.

You sound sensible, so I’m sure you’ll get by with the advice from well-wishers here and all the new energy you get from no longer living in a bad situation. Your DS sounds like a star.

Some things I’ve found useful:
Does your local council have a what’s-on website? Many councils put on free events or publicise free events by other organisations.

Clothes last longer if you machine wash them on a gentle cycle and a slowish spin. Many things don’t need washing every day.

If you get a chance to shop at markets late in the afternoon, you can get a lot of cheap veg that’s good enough for soup. I save all vegetable peel and trimmings (as long as it’s not rotten) to boil up for scrap stock, either as the basis for home-made soup or stew, or to extend a bought soup.

Best of luck, OP. I’m sure you’ll soon be back on your feet.

Why do you think that? It includes food too. That's not a lot when food is so expensive now.

By the way, I don’t want to be a killjoy, but we were always warned against swimming in rivers and quarries when I was young, because of the risk of drowning. Cold water and strong currents often take people by surprise. And these days, the private water companies allow sewage to contaminate many rivers.

Some health advice from the governmdnt:
https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/swim-healthy-leaflet/swim-healthy#:~:text=Rivers%20and%20other%20open%20water,acceptable%20in%20designated%20bathing%20waters.

And safety advice:
https://www.cambsfire.gov.uk/news-and-incidents/news/2025-04-08-warm-weather-highlights-dangers-of-open-water

Have safe fun!

I buy most of mine and my kids clothes on Vinted. I sell on there as well - when money is tight I don’t allow myself to buy something until I’ve built up enough money from sales.
And your phone contract - look after your phone and switch to sim only as soon as your contract is up - I think mine is over 4 years old now. We only pay £10 each in our house for unlimited data through utility warehouse. We recently ditched our landline as well.

Clothes last longer if you machine wash them on a gentle cycle and a slowish spin. Many things don’t need washing every day.
They do but people still need to do a 60 degree wash at least once a month, if not the machine will end up smelling of mold.

How on earth have you gone from a such a swanky married lifestyle as a married woman (with mortgage?) to such an impoverished one?

Is this flat of yours rented, or do you have a mortgage? Also what do you have for transport and is there any way that public transport could save you money?

This will help people give you better advice, as housing and transport cost more than food/gym membership/haircuts, so housing and transport are the expenditure that needs to be rationalised.

This is a massive drop in income and likely to go on for a while. Keep your nice clothes, as you will NEVER be able to afford to replace them.

Also please don't get into any debt, whatever you do

Our shopping bill -food and household goods - came to £400 for 4 - but it varied as not everything gets replaced every month - and that builds up over time.

So if it's just food for two it'd doable - less so if it days out as well but possible I think.

TBH I think OP problem going to be she doesn't have the roughly 400 a month- as she'll need to build back up savings as safety net so she likely has 350 a month and 50 put in savings for when stuff goes wrong or something expensive happens that month. Overtime things wear out and will need replacing - so over time it gets harder as the legacy from good times wear out - hopfully over time costs will go down and income up.

Shop in cheaper shops - long lasting stuff so we have more frozen veg/fruit - do lists and stict to it or on-line shopping with cheap slots - and be strict.

I went from fortunate dual income family to on my own with big rent.

I had a notebook and manually recorded every penny spent. After a couple of months I had a good grip on where money was going, but also where I might be able to cut back. e.g. one night a week when we tried to spend less than a £1 (this was a group family challenge). It might be leftovers from a previous meal, some sad vegetables and a bit of cheese made into a fritatta, or it might be scouring the shops for a £1 bargain that would make all the difference.

I prioritised saving. Even with such small amounts of money, I put something, every week into my savings account. The Mr Micawber quote in Dickens was my mantra. If I could save even one penny, I was happy. And those savings were sacrosanct. Not to be used for a birthday or a pizza night, they were for the emergencies of life. With every pound that was saved I felt a little bit more secure.

I was honest with my friends and family. "Sounds fantastic, sorry I really can't join you. Have fun." When there were occasions that I'd be gutted to miss out on, I'd try to find ways of making it possible e.g. asking dm, dsis and dbro (combined) to pay for a theatre ticket as my Xmas or birthday. I suggested to close friends that instead of going out for a meal we could order a 'cook at home' dinner (there was a Rick Stein menu that was £35 per head - still a lot of me, but something that a good friend might gift to me for a birthday or Christmas)

I think that difficult period in our lives made my dc more resilient and resourceful and creative. They know and understand the value of money, they know how to eat well for less, they know how to adapt whatever veg is on offer to make something edible sometimes not I saw a post where the OP bought a tonne of exotic fruit. Great. But how will their dc cope when they are on their own and can't afford melon and mango?

Good luck OP. There are lots of sources of advice and help. Keep coming back.

Firstly, good on you for making this big change, it sounds like it’s worth it to be free.
I’m not skint but still like doing things like ‘challenging’ myself to not by any new clothes for a year (inverted commas because it’s a first world issue), do a Masterchef style challenge in the kitchen where we make a fun event out of creating meals out of the random bits in the big freezer and the veg about to perish in the fridge.
I also squeeze every last bit out of cosmetics by cutting the tubes in half to scrape the last bits out (you can get another week or so out of facial cleansers this way).
It sounds like you’ve raised your DS well if he’s going to be a good companion to you during this change, that alone is worth a lot.
All the best of luck to you x

I am about to go from ‘being able to pick up what I want in the shop’ too ‘not having enough to pay my bills’…..not quite the same as OP because I have never been well off but have always been able to pay my bills and buy what food I like without thinking too much. I now have to plan meals and try and keep my food shop at around £60 a week for 3 of us (me and 2 disabled adult dc). I can’t afford cosmetics, can’t afford to get my hair cut (I do it myself), I don’t drink, rarely go out. I am lucky my rent is low and that I probably don’t need to buy much clothes for the next year.

I quite enjoy meal planning, looking for the best deals in supermarkets, looking in vinted for clothes, selling on vinted and shopping in charity shops.

I have had a change like yours, although it was more gradual, going from two full time salaries to one part time. We have a family of three and £150 per month spare. This needs to cover clothes, activities, repairs etc, but not grocery shopping. It is tight. (Just paid £75 for next term's swimming lessons).

I agree with all the previous advice to build a savings pot as insurance against big bills if you can. Even £5-£10 per month will add up slowly. Do your utmost to avoid debt.

Plenty of people have recommended MoneySavingExpert. You can do a financial makeover to make sure that you have the best deal possible on all your bills. I pay £5/month for my phone, for example.

Plan days out so that you can eat at home or picnic. Take a drink/snacks/packed lunch whenever possible. Buy some treats in the supermarket so you have something nice to take, and it's easier to resist temptation.

Try the cheapest version of everything in the supermarket once. You'll work out which things you notice the difference. Our cupboards are a mishmash of premium and basic brands. Frozen fruit and veg is very good value. Also eat less meat. I mix 1/4 veggie mince in with my meat to bulk it out. (Because I find veggie mince alone disgusting).

Cut as many subscriptions as possible. My (2nd hand) kobo has been brilliant, now I get ebooks and audiobooks for free from the library.

Good luck OP, and thanks for the thread, there are some new tips for me to try too.

When living on a budget the key is to do a proper budget.

I know you say you've worked it out but just calculating the monthly direct debits isn't the same.

One off costs can completely throw you and so you need to factor in things like car MOT, car tax etc within the monthly allowance.

The Money Saving Expert pages are excellent for this. If you are brave enough they'll also critique your statement of affairs in a non judgemental way - just in a 'this is high' manner. Trimming a bit off the mobile or broadband bill makes a difference and if you've not had to worry about these kind of costs there's a good chance there is some room for saving to help with the other costs.

Plan days out so that you can eat at home or picnic. Take a drink/snacks/packed lunch whenever possible. Buy some treats in the supermarket so you have something nice to take, and it's easier to resist temptation.

This is such good advice. We have a fantastic lunch we make from a mix of Aldi deli stuff and ciabatta from our local baker (cut in half; freeze half for next time) when we have on a day out. It's so much nicer than sandwiches we'd buy out, costs no more than £5 total.

Edited to say can recommend Lidl mini cloudy apple juices for this too.

Save the change is great, brings me in roughly £800 a year, you could save that.
i use mine as hol spending money, as I visit family abroad.
Feels like free money.
Also I use TopCashback with purchases online, not much but some pence

We went from being able to afford nice cars and fancy holidays, to not being able to afford meat every week. I was counting the pennies and choosing between buying food and having the heating on. It was a shock to the system. It's been a slog, but we're doing a bit better now. We're not back at cars and holidays yet, and I don't think we ever will be, but in a funny way it's given me a much better appreciation of what we do have. Being able to buy a couple of treats in the supermarket shop is pretty nice. Getting DS a cool pair of shoes feels great. Meeting a friend for coffee in a nice cafe feels like a luxury.

I think you have the wrong person. FYI I’m already down to the bare minimum, Aldi etc are my social lives, 2 items of clothes this year from Primark, and I don’t have a goddaughter. Wrong person. Please don’t try to tell me how to budget. I am and have been at the edge since that lettuce sent prices sky high.

I think the first couple of times you will need to say "sorry I can't come along/contribute etc - im skint" will be difficult but afterwards it will become liberating.
I've had poor childhood, was OK early to mid twenties, then penniless for couple of years, now ok again but hitting the breadline has deep impact on you, and affects relationship with money

In your situation, after all of your essentials are taken care of, I would figure out a few small luxuries you don't want to go without, both you and DS.
They need to be small, so they don't break the bank but so they can provide a bit of brightness in the coming months.
It's going to feel properly shit when the cold weather kicks in, and the Christmas is just around the corner and you're being careful to keep stuff afloat.
So make sure you've budgeted for something to cheer you up.

Then the next big bit of advice would be to get the slow cooker out each morning, so you don't end up thinking, agh I can't be bothered! Let's get a takeaway!

You will be OK, I promise it will be a hard slog adjusting though.

Now, you mentioned getting away. I wonder, what was it you got away from? What did leaving open up opportunity for you to do? When you have got all of these very real negatives to grapple with, I wonder if you can have a list of things you can now do, that you couldn't whilst married to keep you in high spirits as you get used to living a bit more frugally.

I'm sure you've been given lots of very good advice already, but I've been a bit the opposite way, and tbh it was my mental health that took a beating from the constant struggles.

I haven’t read the full thread - but from your own responses you haven’t gone from well off to shoestring.

You went from living beyond your means or at your means to living at your new means. You have expensive clothes but no savings. Your kid had limitless school trips but now you might struggle to feed and clothe him. Divorce regardless - hard times are sure to come - and you and his father both have a responsibility to plan for the future.

Not thinking about things - means you weren’t paying any attention to your and your son’s reality.

I'm not sure this is true. A lot of people live on more money than this. Where are you getting your stats from to say 'most '?