Gone from ‘Well Off’ to ‘Completely Skint’? Please tell me about it!

[BenignKipper]

I have had it verrrrrry easy and I knew it. Good professional monthly salary, able to throw stuff in my trolley at M&S Simply Food and not worry about what it would come to, nice wardrobe from Toast and Zadig etc. Are you running a marathon for a good cause? Great, of course I will sponsor you £30 etc etc.

But my circumstances have seriously changed. Salary the same but divorce means I am looking at £10-15 a day disposable income after bills and travel. I’ve pared everything back in my budget and I can survive (obviously).

But I know it will be a shock to my system, emotionally/socially - it seems scary. Has anyone done this? Do you have any tips to navigate it?

Yes! Thank god it's not just me who has noticed this. Makes me wonder how they get through life.

Ironically it's usually those with the most rude and judgemental replies who haven't bothered to read the whole thing in the first place.

You definitely need to try and build up a rainy day fund for the unexpected expenses like dead washing machine or car breaks down or whatever.

Shopping online and getting it delivered helps to spend less. I pay £7 a month for a delivery plan but save much more than that because I can monitor what I'm spending as I fill the online basket. If it adds up to too much I go back through the basket and take out things I don't really need.

Down branding makes a massive difference as well. Tesco washing powder washes clothes as well as Persil does for example but it's almost half the price. You have to experiment a bit to find what works.

You will adapt. You will be fine. Even though it seems daunting. I went through it as a teen. From wealthy to flat broke. I was just as happy with less as I had ever been when we had it all.

Tbf the original Op said disposable income -this is the term used for everything else after bills and food etc

Thinking further ahead - our biggest expense after council tax and food is petrol. If there's any way you can switch over to a cheaper EV that will save you being at the whim of any potential wars doubling that cost. This might just be something I worry about though as I have a 4hr round trip twice every weekend that I can't avoid. I'm sure others will say use trains but IME they are often an unreliable hazard; often late, don't run because of leaves/rain/snow/general weather, fares go up regularly and if you're stuck somewhere with no way of getting home other than an expensive taxi or a 2+hr wait it can have a huge knock on effect if you have no £.

I do think vouchers or subscriptions as presents are a good idea - a friend of mine set up a Nonna Tonda for 6 months as a present for us when I had a bereavement and not having to cook 1 meal a week for 6 months was actually lovely. Something like that, or a cinema voucher/pass can make the evenings more bearable and feel like a luxury when you've had a really bad day.

I'd forget about holidays for now, just think of yourself as an eco warrior saving the planet - plane prices are ridiculous at the moment anyway.

On a very micro level, I have a pot that I put change into. At our worst times we've ransacked it to get milk - I now have a cheap UHT in the lader at all times - but it can be the difference between getting flour to make bread or sugar etc. I'd never like to assume I won't need to raid it again, so if I find myself with a £1 rolling about in a pocket/change in the car I'd now automatically put it in the pot.

We went through this change a few years ago- had to pull a child from her private school, say no to invites, move, give up lots of little luxuries etc etc. it made me realize how flippant I was with money and how if I had saved that bit I’d have been in a much better position today. it does get easier- there are still times I miss being able to throw money at situations or buy some gorgeous new frock or get the kids something super nice, but I also realize this is actually how most of the world lives and if there is something I want super badly I have to come up with creative ways to make it happen. £400 a month is wayyyy better than you realize. Best of luck to you both.

Yeah, in January we went from 2 full time wages to 1 part-time wage and benefits. I won't lie it's been hard, our food budget has halved and I had to go from buying most of my clothes from high street stores to Temu and supermarket brands. My husband will only allow showers and laundry overnight while it's on a cheaper rate. Also I can't go out whenever I want and shop like I have money. Every penny is accounted for so we can keep up our mortgage payments and bills. It has helped that i got a motability electric car cos we don't have to pay for any other than charging we are spending less on charging for a month that we did per week on pertrol.

Hi op it’s a crap situation to be in and I hope you get your happiness. I would look at the positives your dc is nearly an adult so no childcare costs and you had a good life before and you might get it again but you will figure it out. Some people have this same issue for ever and cannot get out of it. I’m sure you thought long and hard before you made this huge decision good luck.

If the landlord will let you, put another freezer somewhere in the flat, landing, wherever. It really helps to stash away the yellow sticker bargains.

I’m retired and in the fortunate position you enjoyed pre-divorce, able to say yes to many outings etc. However, I’m a charity shop fiend for many of my clothes, shop in a strategic way around all the supermarkets (and that does include Waitrose) and I cook and bake 95% from scratch. It’s hugely satisfying and I’m sure you’ll get by. I’m aware I have the advantage of more free time now but I really wanted to encourage you and your son to embrace the challenge. It won’t be forever. Sending best wishes to you both.

I'm sure it will be a bit of an adjustment but there are ways to cut costs.

For fitness, if you have space at home try and buy some weights from Facebook marketplace or somewhere and then follow videos on You tube to replace the gym.

Do packed lunches.

Arrange to meet friends for a walk and coffee but make yours at home and put it in a vaccum mug.

Consider starting a book group or craft group something with friends, can alternate at peoples houses and its a cheap way go get together and have a glass of wine.

Meal plan and do online shopping, much easier to not out extras in the trolly. Plan to make an extra portion for lunch the next day.

Introduce your ds to Vinted if he's not on there already, my ds is always selling his expensive designer bits and buying more with the proceeds.

Use the library. If you have amazon prime use the kindle free downloads for magazines etc.

Just a few ideas.

Cut back on everything you buy. Check all service providers' billing, they are often wrong; haggle with them. I have low income, no credit benefits and in April this year I had an increase of £7 from DWP, which was immediately taken away to pay the Council Tax rise of £7! I have been informed that my Water Utility bill is to be doubled. When I questioned this, I was told that I dont use enough water to warrant the low income benefit. Astounding! They confirmed in my case that if not enough water is used, I have to pay the full rate. I'm thinking that if I run the tap all day, that it will benefit me with lowering the billing! What annoys me is that on the marketing blurb, the Water company offers free gadgets to save on water and they give advice also on saving water! It is all so contradictory! Just be extra careful in cutting back unnecessary spending and go for the essentials at lower prices. It is difficult for you but you can do it, given time.

I was in this position when I left my ex husband. Financially more than able to manage, but tighter.

I cancelled every enhanced delivery service I had (like ASOS premier), and completely stopped buying clothes adhoc. I also sold a lot of my existing stuff on Vinted.

I shopped smarter, switched to a cheaper supermarket, and batch cooked where I could. No more takeaways.

The amount I spent on people for gifts lessened. I took lunch to work every day rather than buying it. I didn’t go out for meals with friends, invited them round for a brew instead.

I lived by a “can I afford that” spreadsheet.

It wasn’t what I was used to. But it was worth it for the freedom!

Reframe and focus on your own words. You will be happy / free! I’ve found myself suddenly single and also on a much smaller budget. But focusing on how much more peaceful I feel!

I have been busy remembering things I love that are free / low cost. Breakfast in the garden, a good walk with a coffee (usually take one with me), picnics etc.

I would try and put £10 a week aside for Xmas / bdays the odd unexpected cost.

you might be able to sell your old / don’t wear anymore clothes on vinted and get your new stuff from there. Maybe a challenge to operate a nil budget…

food wise, I get mine delivered as easier and can keep an eye on what I spend. I have an Asda deliver pass and I’ve been getting smallish £40-£50 shops when I need them. I’ve been batch cooking and eating that left overs when kids aren’t here. More frequent, smaller shops lets me eliminate waste too!

I think she said £10-15 disposable income a day....not a month!

Me too...!

To all the 'we survive on far less 400/ month is rolling in it' posters... im not disputing anyone else's struggles but £400 to include food and loads of other stuff is fuck all in 2025, especially with a dependent.

It won't be easy but yes a savings buffer and making contact with local foodbank/ referral sources is essential

Can you sell clothes/ shoes/ accessories from the good times on vinted to build up your emergency stash op

But that is just money left after direct debits are paid.

So food, clothes, presumably petrol, medicines, toiletries, household goods, emergencies all have to come out of under £400 per month. That's definitely not much genuinely disposable income.

We had a drop of about 70% of our monthly income when dh had to take medical retirement. I can't work more hours as am now his carer. It's hard but it will be worth it. You won't be able to say yes to everything you used to do but don't cut out everything. If you are getting divorced it's important you have a good circle of friends. I love the theatre and still go but just not as often. We only really get takeaways on birthdays now. Invite friends round for a glass of wine or a coffee instead of going out, find free or cheap things to do. Get used to shopping in aldi and try and roughly plan what you are going to eat(I'm rubbish at the meal planning).
It will be hard financially but it will be worth it.

Totally skint is missing meals… your not quite there, its about been careful and savvy, try a sideline like etsy or avon for example to boost your income

The problem you will have is it’s not easy to go from being wasteful to being frugal. It’s much easier to do the reverse. What you have is plentiful, if you can say “no” (or “not as much”) to yourself and - importantly - your son.

As an aside, your situation is a helpful reminder to all those on MN whose first reaction to a relationship problem is “leave him”. That often involves a sharp reduction in living standards.

But can you get access to the money immediately? And isn't a stocks and shares ISA more risky because it it goes up and down with the value of your shares?

Ok, so real advice - please be careful around things like grabbing a coffee and eating out/getting take away...for some reason these are the things that end up causing the most grief!
It's just so easy to do and then you really will end up skint.

Secondly it's about spreading cost - if you want a holiday next summer you have to start putting away for it now (some people like to pay deposit and pay off as they go - personally I won't use any form of credit as I don't like to tempt fate!).
Start buying bits for your son for Xmas now and put them away or you'll feel horrible come Xmas day when there isn't as much as there used to be...that's a rough pill to swallow but it's one of the things that makes it feel so much worse than it really is.

Thirdly and lastly meal plan - you will be amazed at how much you can save if you meal plan and use a cheaper supermarket, it made the biggest long term difference to the budget in our household.

Good luck, it's a rough transition but if you stick to a budget you'll be fine.

It's many years since we suddenly found ourselves in financial difficulties but the first thing we did was to cut up all credit cards. Then I would take my weekly budget in cash and when my purse was empty I couldn't buy anymore. It is a different mindset when you have to consider every £ you spend. Think of your previous situation as a bonus, you lived a very 'easy' life, so you have lots of luxuries you can cut out.

Its so hard. We've never been well off but before I had my children in 2021 and 2024 I was able to go on a holiday a year and fly over to visit my family 4/5 times a year. I live in n.ireland and they live in England.
I've had to stop working since having my second as I just can't afford two children's childcare. My MIL watched my firsborn loads for me to work but she's no longer able to and childcare is so expensive. My firstborn has just stared nursery 9-11.20 so I've been applying for jobs that will allow me to work these hours but I can't find any local childminders either. 😭 It doesn't help that my partner does not find out what shifts he is working until the Thursday for the Saturday onwards. It's normally a mixture of days and nights. He has a better paying job now but our rent has doubled in the last 5 years and so has the price or everything else.

@BenignKipper I know you said you get a good wage but depending on were you live how expensive your rent is you could be entitled to some benefits .Have you checked ?
Also don't worry about your situation you will adjust because you have no choice. One bit of advice i would give you is go through your direct debits and see if you really need them all ie subscriptions prime ,Netflix. Also some direct debits like sky can be negotiated if you say you will leave they often offer a better deal. Are you getting the beat deal on your energy supplier mobile phone Internet. These might just save a few pounds each but it all adds up. Good luck !