Gone from ‘Well Off’ to ‘Completely Skint’? Please tell me about it!

[BenignKipper]

I have had it verrrrrry easy and I knew it. Good professional monthly salary, able to throw stuff in my trolley at M&S Simply Food and not worry about what it would come to, nice wardrobe from Toast and Zadig etc. Are you running a marathon for a good cause? Great, of course I will sponsor you £30 etc etc.

But my circumstances have seriously changed. Salary the same but divorce means I am looking at £10-15 a day disposable income after bills and travel. I’ve pared everything back in my budget and I can survive (obviously).

But I know it will be a shock to my system, emotionally/socially - it seems scary. Has anyone done this? Do you have any tips to navigate it?

OP said £10-£15 disposable income a day not a month

I know, I typed month in error. But I also said she has around £400 a month disposable income

I treat it as a kind of hobby to look for the best deals. Download apps for places you shop. M&S have money off clothing at the moment, if you have Sparks and click on the offer on the app. Those specially selected curries from Aldi are as good as M&S.
Also download the Trolley app where you type in a product and it compares prices from many stores. Or if you don't want the app, I think there's also a website that does the same thing.

When we were young there was a saying that two could live as cheaply as one. One lot of electric, rent/mortgage, council tax, tv licence etc but two wages. It’s easy to see why going down to one wage can leave someone in different circumstances

I’ve been in circumstances where I’ve been quite comfortable and also very, very skint. The key is to adapt to your situation. Things that help me:

• Delete Instagram/Facebook/pinterest etc - anything with ads. If you don’t see clothes ads and people wearing nice outfits you eventually stop being tempted to buy them.
• Learn how to cook well from scratch if you don’t already.
• Stop drinking alcohol.
• Go down a brand level for everything.
• Make yourself certain ‘rules’ - e.g. no coffees out, no buying bottled water
• Switch your shop to Tesco online and stick to a budget. You’ll also get Tesco vouchers which can be used for everything from hotels to railcards.

Does your DS have a part-time job? If not, encourage him to get one so he can fund his own stuff a bit. At least then his own quality of life shouldn’t suffer too much and he’ll feel he’s contributing.

Also, join MoneySuperMarket super saver club and regularly check moneysavingexpert - I’ve saved so much money this way.

If you buy anything online (including insurance, hotels, broadband etc) buy it through Quidco - you’ll get cash back and it really mounts up. I’ve earned thousands over the years.

Get a credit card e.g John Lewis that gives you points so you get vouchers. Mine go towards kids school uniform.

Treat is as a bit of an adventure and it becomes weirdly fun!

Also make sure you get your council tax single discount.

What I would do, is try to economise as much as possible, prioritise saving - £400 from now to December, that’ll be £1600 to spend on Christmas or save.
Then start again in January, £4800 by Christmas 2026.
You must have an emergency fund if nothing else. A relatively short term frugal period to give you peace of mind will be well worth it.
I know it’s hard for teenagers to find PT jobs these days but encourage your son to look for a job so he’s got a bit of cash of his own. My kids worked at McD’s it paid pretty well.

Op might not have been a joint owner and moved into rented accommodation or suddenly have to pay all the rent herself. There’s many circumstances where you can suddenly find yourself in a tight financial situation.

OP : I have no spare money at all
YOU : you need to save up your no money.
Do you hear you?

This is so important and makes me very annoyed at how our society is set up - couples getting tax breaks, being able to pass on IHT - women are still being disproportionately penalised for leaving abusive situations and we wonder why so many rely on welfare, don't want to have kids and our situation with women and girls being abused is so dire.

I find it astonishing how few MN’rs know how to read and take on board relevant information.

Were they never taught, when taking exam papers always read twice and then again before spouting forth?

The lack of comprehension on these posts says much about the state of education in this country.

It’s baffling that people haven’t understood the £400/pcm is to include groceries etc.and are being cruel in their comments to the OP.

And OP, do ask on Freegle/ Freecycle/ Nextdoor/ Friday Ads before buying anything.
They have proved invaluable whilst in a similar situation. Many lovely folk are ready to help in gifting stuff.

Also locally, we have recycling shops sited next to the Civic Amenity sites where you might find all manner of electrical and useful items. All PAT tested.
A slow cooker is also a brilliant idea. Good luck OP.

There's some very mean posts in this thread. Did people posting some negatively read that the £400 is after bills, and doesn't include food, clothes, etc? Given that it doesn't include food and op is used to not having to count the pennies it's a massive shift for her!

I've already posted advice but came back to reread and can't believe how mean spirited some people are.

I can't believe how many people have suggested asking for vouchers for presents. Why do presents at all? Scrimping and saving all year to get a truckload of crap you don't need makes no sense.

Tell people you don't want to exchange gifts - it's such a waste of money, even the vouchers. You'll get more value from spending your money on the things you need than having to figure out a way to use vouchers to meet your basic needs.
Maybe set a sensible spending limit between you and your son and forget about doing gifts with other people. But from experience, you need to tell them in good time - it's never a popular request but a necessary one.

Mostly, I just wanted to add a voice of support, OP - you have handled the mean-spirited posters with such grace. I wish you all the best with your peaceful future with your lovely son - it must feel amazing (if not a teeny bit scary) to be finally free!

And OP, if you are in a position ever to buy a home again consider buying with an extra bedroom so as to take a lodger to help cover any mortgage. Consider also the location, near public transport/ parking.
Think laterally to maximise the property’s potential as an income earner…. For instance renting out a parking space on your property.

She needs to cut back further to make some - because with no savings and a tight budget unexpected bills you can't avoid are a bloody nightmare.

It can easily push you into debt and then it's even harder to budget with less as you have same income and outgoings but now have the debt repayments on top.

Then it's evern harder to build any savings and next thing unexpected bill pushed you further into debt. Where as if you have some savings you avoid the debt and are used to not spending everything you have coming in so can cope better.

I think you’ve been very brave OP and I applaud you.
what you’re describing is the reason so many women stay in unhappy marriages.
You’ll get through this, you can’t put a price on freedom.🦋

It's not though because it has to include food etc.

For me disposable income is what you have post bills, including food and car costs. Not to include food, which is expensive on its own.

I saw above that someone said delete Facebook etc so you don't see ads. Also unsubscribe from email marketing.

My borough has free gym/pool days for residents. Maybe yours has too? I sold loads of stuff on eBay the first year. I also use cashback sites for purchases, changed to a cashback credit card and bank account.

well thnks for that, good to know you are correcting people, would you prefer a red pen?
and tbh op said she had £10-15 disposable income per day- which is very hard to quantify.
meals can be made very cheaply

and i dont think i am the only one suggesting she saves.

I don’t need one. I’m not correcting anyone I’m just pointing out a stupid bloody comment! You’re free to make it … I’ve just no idea why you would say to someone who has just said they have hardly any spare cash that they need to save money… I mean … it’s not helpful is it. That’s all I’m saying.

look after the pennies,
if you have x amount to spend, anything left over can be put in a savings pot.

One thing I find really useful is to budget for the unexpected/one offs in a monthly basis.

I use savings accounts and put some money away to go towards things like car repairs, Christmas, birthdays, boiler repairs etc. It doesn’t need to be a lot each month but it soon adds up and if something happens you have a bit of a buffer.

We do that - x amount away in differenet accounts for different things - trying to anticipate the unexpected and one off things coming up.

We've been in position of no saving and spending all the disposable income - and then having expensive things happening and learning the hard way that cuts could be made prior because we are now having to pay back what we borrowed - amount plus interest - and only way to do that is to cut back further as now there's no choice.

make slightly bigger evening meals so you each have lunch for the following day.

or make packed lunches.

if you break the habit of buying coffee & lunches that quickly adds up.