Have been put in a really uncomfortable position.

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We're on the brink of landing a huge contract at work.

I don't normally meet our customers face to face but as it's a government contract, our customer requested a visit to warehouse they're being supplied from.

Customer rep visited with me, and our sales guy. All fine, no issues. The rep then emailed me asking for various information and procedures. He replied saying "thanks, I owe you a drink!". Thought it was a bit clumsy on his part, but I emailed back "haha sounds good", then moved onto another work-related topic in the same email. He ignored the work related stuff and replied back "I'll definitely take you for a drink, it would be my pleasure. No backing out now!" I didn't respond.

3 days later, I got a Facebook friend request from him at 1am. I spoke to our sales guy about it, and we had a nosey through his profile. He has hundreds of friends, and his wife and kids are all over his profile. He's also the type to post pictures of his dinner, so assumed he's maybe just likes to add people on his socials.

I accepted, and you already know where this is going... I've managed to swerve his flirty messages up till now, while still keeping things fairly lighthearted, but now he's messaged saying he's coming back to the warehouse to "have an excuse to see me", and has pushed why I haven't responded to his messages.

I'm furious that this married man has put me in this awkward situation where I can't tear him a new one due to this huge work contract. I'm going to HR on Monday but how do I politely fob him off over the weekend?? I'm thinking I'll just have to block and ignore.

Surely he has way more to lose if you do tear him a new one?!

Oh give over.

You could've completely ignored the drink thing in the first place instead of agreeing it sounded good.

And you accepted his friend request too on Facebook?

He hasn't put you in an awkward position, you have by not just rolling your eyes and ignoring the cheating twat.

I agree with the PP. You've not helped the situation. He is a twat, of course, but you could've been clearer from the beginning.

It's your fault.

Oh mate! Why did you ever say the drink sounds good let alone accept his friend request?

Sounds like you might be a bit of a people pleaser but you need to stop now before you end up having sex with him because you’re too polite to say no.

I would just immediately cease all communications with him outside of work. Do keep ignoring his messages but take screenshots so you have them on record. If he challenges you about ignoring his messages to your face - and I bet he won’t - just say you never look at Facebook. I’ve done that before with a pushy work person and since then I’ve made a blanket thing of not having any work acquaintances on there at all. Just basically be polite in work, don’t get drawn into anything more.

I’m sorry he’s a prick but you need to be the professional one here.

And you've also been reading and replying to his messages?

HR are going to think you're bonkers.

Just do the adult thing and block/ignore.

I'm trying to find the line between polite rejection and not losing us this contract. I didn't want to accept the friend request.

You have hardly discouraged him! What on earth were you thinking in accepting his Facebook request.

I've been reading and replying the bare minimum. Screenshots already taken and sent to our sales manager.

No it isn't.

No, it’s his fault. She isn’t the one asking him out for a drink in the middle of a contract negotiation, nor pursuing his social media and sending inappropriate messages. All she’s done is respond overly politely out of (I’m presuming) a feeling that she needs to keep him sweet. It’s his fault.

Out of interest is he a civil servant? You mentioned a govt contract (not outing, there are hundreds of thousands of them).

But why at all??

Why accept the drink invitation?

Why accept his friend request?

Why read and reply to his messages?

HR aren't there to act like teachers in the playground, you're a grown adult running to HR for what exactly?

Stop blaming the OP ffs! It’s not her fault that this married man who knows he is in a position of power over her is pushing her luck.

op, it obviously feels uncomfortable to you but you have to just ignore him. If he asks or chases just screenshot and take it to HR and follow their advice. You don’t need to flirt with a man to win a contract and if I was your boss I would be horrified if you felt like you were pressured to.

Thank you!

I don't think so. Our customer is a private company but they're supplying a contract for the government, if that makes sense.

So you took it upon yourself to accept a drink, a friend request and message to and fro with him to save losing the contract?

Are you really that important that he'd have cancelled the whole thing?

Even then, HR will tell you that you took it upon yourself to 'save the day', so what do you expect them to do about it now?

Other than tell you to block him obviously?

I didn't accept his drinks invite.

I accepted the friends request on the advice of my sales manager.

I've read and replied to his messages because it's a huge contract and I don't want to blow it.

Not sure why I'm getting the blame for this mans actions? My emails have been nothing but professional.

Because it wasn't just the man's actions that created this situation.

If it was, he'd be offering to take himself for a drink, sending himself a friend request and messaging himself.

What is it you're expecting HR to do? You haven't said?

This is easy to shut down.

You either ask questions about his wife and kids, saying one of your colleagues saw his social media and thought the pics of his family were sweet (aka letting him know you know he's married).

Or if he suggests a drink say ' that sounds great, I'll just check to see if my boyfriend is free and then maybe we can do a double date?'

See what the response is.

Bottom line is you know to shut it down earlier next time lesson learnt.

Completely agree with this. It isn’t your fault op. What you do now is ignore / avoid, however uncomfortable it feels. He has created this situation not you.

"I'd like to take you for a drink" - "sounds good".

"I'd like to take you for a drink" - "thanks, that's kind; I'm going to pass but Appreciate the sentiment".

Shrug.

Assign his emails to a coworker/your sales manaher as you are "on annual leave"
Send him an out of office email 😆 and UNFRIEND him on FB or restrict his/your profile !!!
That was nuts of you to accept. Your sales manager needs training as sounds like they were egging you on!

So a "haha sounds good" brush off is a green light for this stranger to hunt me down on my personal social media page? Wow, men really are desperate.

I'm not expecting HR to do anything. But I want to make sure everyone is aware of it so that I'm taken out of this situation ASAP.

The worst part is, I am on annual leave right now! This guy sent an email asking for another warehouse visit, and when he got my out of office followed it up with a Facebook message!

"I owe you a drink" is hardly the same as "let's go out for a drink". I assumed it was just a passing comment like "I owe you one". I didn't actually think he was being serious!!!

Unfriend him and defer any work stuff to someone else. Do not be available when he comes into the office.