Have been put in a really uncomfortable position.

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We're on the brink of landing a huge contract at work.

I don't normally meet our customers face to face but as it's a government contract, our customer requested a visit to warehouse they're being supplied from.

Customer rep visited with me, and our sales guy. All fine, no issues. The rep then emailed me asking for various information and procedures. He replied saying "thanks, I owe you a drink!". Thought it was a bit clumsy on his part, but I emailed back "haha sounds good", then moved onto another work-related topic in the same email. He ignored the work related stuff and replied back "I'll definitely take you for a drink, it would be my pleasure. No backing out now!" I didn't respond.

3 days later, I got a Facebook friend request from him at 1am. I spoke to our sales guy about it, and we had a nosey through his profile. He has hundreds of friends, and his wife and kids are all over his profile. He's also the type to post pictures of his dinner, so assumed he's maybe just likes to add people on his socials.

I accepted, and you already know where this is going... I've managed to swerve his flirty messages up till now, while still keeping things fairly lighthearted, but now he's messaged saying he's coming back to the warehouse to "have an excuse to see me", and has pushed why I haven't responded to his messages.

I'm furious that this married man has put me in this awkward situation where I can't tear him a new one due to this huge work contract. I'm going to HR on Monday but how do I politely fob him off over the weekend?? I'm thinking I'll just have to block and ignore.

Yes! Definitely! Can see it all the way from over here.

You are not to blame for any of this OP.
I have many customers that email friendly "banter" who would say things like that. I have also had one married man like this one take it too far and when I did say a firm NO he took the business away and our company lost out. Luckily I had informed my manager so he knew I had done nothing wrong

This guy you're having to deal with really is a snake and he's good enough at it that he's needing some careful handling.

Whoever wrote this post is much further down the woman-hating road. It's pure incel. Remember that Mumsnet's a big public forum and there are some truly maladjusted nasty people out there who have something of a disproportionate effect as they say such weird things, so please just dismiss the bizarre replies.

(Helped run forums in the past, the shenanigans that some genuinely very strange people got up to were something else, and things have only become worse).

What a load of utter rubbish.

The sales manager is NOT the person to be sharing his messages with or taking advice from. Your company should have protocol in place so another person steps in if and when things turn personal.

in this case, the sales manager should have taken over management of the work involved including all contact.

SM sounds like a twit and unprofessional to boot.

By accepting his friend request on fb and saying a drink sounded good? How can you not see the part you are playing in this?

In this situation I would say (next time he asks about the drink) something like: “actually, I won’t be able to do that. I’ve spoken to the guys at work about it and we have a strict procurement policy which prevents us from accepting any hospitality or gifts from customers or prospective customers.”

In fact, it’s not unlikely that you do have this. I’m a solicitor and used to do lots of work for public sector organisations. It was hard doing business development with those clients as they were banned from accepting any hospitality over £50, and usually implemented that by just saying they couldn’t accept any invitations to dinner, events, etc.

Likewise if a client or third party who wants to sell us something offers hospitality or a gift over a certain amount (which I think is £200 but I’d have to check), we have to declare it and Compliance decides if we’re allowed to do it/have it. A client once gave my colleague a £1000 handbag as a gift and she had to declare it (they let her keep it as decided in the circumstances it was ok).

OP please ignore the posters piling on to tell you this is all your fault, you asked for it, you deserve it etc etc. FFS! You're a professional woman navigating the entitlement, sexism and predatory behaviour that women so often face in the workplace. Please DO NOT allow the victim blamers to get to you.

You have done the right thing by flagging this to HR. Sooner or later though you're going to be pushed into a blunt "no" because he won't take the hint. You're doing all you can. Good luck!!!

It’s really depressing that some men still believe they can have affairs with women in weaker positions in exchange for business contracts.

I agree, you made it worse. No man is being kind by offering to take you for a drink. They want to get into your knickers. You shouldn't have said, c sounds good!" It gave him the green light. I'd block him on social media. If you have to see him again and he asks again say, "no thank you, you're married and I'm not Interested."

I don’t know why some people are blaming you. You did nothing wrong.

I would as soon as possible send a polite email saying that your company policy is strict about socialising while any contract negotiations are going on as it becomes a conflict of interest and in the meantime unfriend on facebook/ social media. Also state that if there was anything like a lunch or dinner it would need to have your team members or manager leading above you otherwise it would not look professional. Just play a little dumb and keep your professional stance. He’ll get the message.

I understand your situation and unfortunately some men will be men and always try and insert power where they can. Good luck

I think this is a case of some naivety, because whilst I agree with the ‘I owe you a drink’ not meaning much (I’ve said this before, doesn’t mean I will actively pursue someone to go for a drink), the Facebook friend request acceptance was a little naive. LinkedIn is a different matter.
I never understand people accepting FB requests from people they aren’t friends with, or barely know.
And this man isn’t a friend, he’s a work associate.
He maybe has 18635242 friends on FB but that doesn’t mean I’d have accepted it, for me that crosses a line into a friendship - which this isn’t.
But hindsight etc etc

But he is the one behaving unprofessionally by messaging on social media, especially once he saw your out of office email.
I think you’re right to flag it all to work.
Keep all emails professional, continue to ignore all messages. Don’t even look at them., if he asks just say you rarely use FB now so haven’t see them. I think we can safely assume he hasn’t contacted any of your other colleagues with offers of drinks or Facebook friend requests so he’s not ‘just being friendly’

Easy solution close your Facebook account. Open another with slightly different name and just add your friends. If you meet him via work and he asks why your no longer on Facebook tell him you don't have time as you are now in a relationship. You will probably be accused of leading him on, which you have really.

Completely unnecessary! Just change your settings so he can’t see your posts.

You were harassed by a man in a position of power taking advantage of that. It's not easy to rebuff people politely so it's totally understandable that you tried to do it without getting his back up. Unless he is the head of the company involved, one of your senior managers should be contacting his manager to report his inappropriate behaviour. He has probably been doing this for years and needs to be stopped. They might take him off the contract which would save you having to have contact with him again. Is there someone senior you could speak to about this? I'm sorry women are still going through this in 2025. All the people being rude have obvioisly never been harassed in the workplace and the nightmare of having to deal with it.

If your manager really is understanding the you both go to the pub and have that drink he sat he owes you!

‘I owe you a drink’ does not sound like an invitation to a professional networking. You are bending over backwards to make it sound like it equivalent to an invitation to networking dinner or drink. Op is not even in a role where she meets customers face to face according to her op. So it’s definitely not the case of op seeing drinks invitation a norm but you decided to insert this angle.

Or block him on facebook.

Of course this man is in wrong but it’s op asking for advice here, so it’s not wrong to say when you sense he was showing interest in you and it was making you uncomfortable, why didn’t you nip in the bud.

i don’t understand why after feeling uncomfortable with his messages, op decided to accept his facebook invitation. That was clearly crossing professional boundary by the man and she was entitled to ignore that request.

No, I am understanding why OP may not have seen it as a red flag. But hey, go ahead. I am guessing you are in the blaming-op-for-this camp. But the problem here is a creepy guy. End of.

This

Christ on a bike, if that perfectly straightforward and polite reply is considered stiff and awkward I'm not surprised these situations can arise!

So let me get this straight, women these days must never say anything that might upset a male colleague, might dent his fragile ego, they have always got to go along with this low level harassment and aren't able to make it clear the relationship will be cordial and professional.

Doesn't sound very empowering TBH.

Either ignore future message from him or, if he’s too persistent to ignore, politely tell him to contact your sales guy or another colleague if he has questions about the contract. If he replies that it’s not about the contract, then ask him why he needs to see you. Hopefully he will either get the message or send an incriminating reply spelling out his grubby little plan!

Men have been doing this kind of shit to women for millennia and yet there are always people who will blame the woman for “not saying no”. Why should we constantly be put in a position of having it say no to men who should know better than to ask in the first place? He knows perfectly well that he’s putting OP in a difficult situation. I wouldn’t take this kind of bullshit from a man now but I probably would have done when I was younger and less experienced. But it’s done now and you need to find a way forward, not listen to people criticise you for engaging with him, and use it as a learning experience on how to deal with creeps. I’m sorry you are having a o go through this.

Serves you right. You flirted with and accepted on Facebook.

This. Ignore the people blaming you. He’s way out of order and your response was reasonable.