Have been put in a really uncomfortable position.

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We're on the brink of landing a huge contract at work.

I don't normally meet our customers face to face but as it's a government contract, our customer requested a visit to warehouse they're being supplied from.

Customer rep visited with me, and our sales guy. All fine, no issues. The rep then emailed me asking for various information and procedures. He replied saying "thanks, I owe you a drink!". Thought it was a bit clumsy on his part, but I emailed back "haha sounds good", then moved onto another work-related topic in the same email. He ignored the work related stuff and replied back "I'll definitely take you for a drink, it would be my pleasure. No backing out now!" I didn't respond.

3 days later, I got a Facebook friend request from him at 1am. I spoke to our sales guy about it, and we had a nosey through his profile. He has hundreds of friends, and his wife and kids are all over his profile. He's also the type to post pictures of his dinner, so assumed he's maybe just likes to add people on his socials.

I accepted, and you already know where this is going... I've managed to swerve his flirty messages up till now, while still keeping things fairly lighthearted, but now he's messaged saying he's coming back to the warehouse to "have an excuse to see me", and has pushed why I haven't responded to his messages.

I'm furious that this married man has put me in this awkward situation where I can't tear him a new one due to this huge work contract. I'm going to HR on Monday but how do I politely fob him off over the weekend?? I'm thinking I'll just have to block and ignore.

Sounds good is not a brush off is it?

And how did he 'hunt you down'? Surely he just had to put your name into the FB search?

If he's a government employee he won't be able to rip up the contract because you won't have a drink with him, it won't he solely his call. You need to grow up a bit, but if you can't them someone else will have to deal with him.

Just don't respond.

Flag it up to a colleague and get them to contact him. Get them to tell him to contact the company rather than via Facebook so they can ensure they are on top of all sales activities.

Oh come on. I've not exactly got my private Facebook page in my work signature. And why is he typing my name into the search bar at 1 in the morning?!

Ok well while you're there, make sure you tell them a manager advised you to accept this man's friend request and add him to your personal social media.

They had absolutely no right to do that.

Because he thought you were interested in a drink, which when you accepted his 1am request confirmed it in his mind.

Neither of us know the answer to that unless we know what time he normally goes to bed?

But again, you made the decision to add and message him so I'm not sure HR will get involved.

Have you blocked him yet or are you waiting for HR to tell you to do so?

The guy's an utter creepy wanker by the sound of it but from HR's point of view, you made your own choices here.

I dont even think the offer of a drink is a bad thing necessarily. When I worked in the corporate world, networking was a part of the job and it meant drinks, lunches, dinners and other events with people.

I think the FB friend thing would have been a red flag though.

OP, document and report everything on Monday, ignore him over the weekend.

Of course it is. She accepted his invitation for drinks. End of.

"haha sounds good" most definitely is not a brush off.

And accepting a friend request on your personal FB most definitely isn't professional! Your sales colleague advised you to do it because it would help seal the deal.

You're extremely naive. But lesson learned. You got yourself into a situation with a creep; you have to get yourself out. The fact you're feeling a dilemma between being creeped out in your personal life and a work contract suggests you've a long way to go.

Wow. Victim blaming much? A married man is actively looking up a stranger he's met once for an hour and exchanged 4 emails with, but that's okay because it might be perfectly normal for him at 1am?

Fortunately my HR Manager doesn't have that sort of mentality, despite being a man himself!

Exactly. The "I owe you a drink" comment in itself wasn't a red flag to me. I just thought it was a bit forward having only met me the one time. It's something I have said myself to long-standing colleagues and contractors.

You don’t reply “sounds good” when a client says they owe you a drink.

The appropriate reply is “not at all, just doing my job, pleased you’re happy with the result blah blah blah.”

The moment to shut this down was with the first reply. The horse has now bolted.

You now need to just pass this contact over to a colleague to manage and silently step away. Your colleague can just say that you’ve moved over to another contract negotiation and they are the contact now.

Of course a married man shouldn't behave the way he is, but you're incredibly naive OP if you think you've given him any kind of brush off. Your response to the drink comment was a green light to him, the friend acceptance was crazy and unprofessional. You have the power to set boundaries - use it.

I've no idea what this had even got to do with HR - other than to complain to them about a coworker trying to pimp you out to get a contract.

I didn't say it was ok?

I said the time he sent the friend request has nothing to do with anything - you chose to accept it.

You also chose to read and reply to his messages.

And all this was after telling him that going for a drink together 'sounds good'.

I admire your faith in HR but even they're going to be scratching their heads at this one.

Have you blocked him yet?

Absolutely this

And what do you mean by 'victim blaming'?

What are you a victim of?

You're not a victim of anything more than an attempt at flirting/someone testing the water. You need to learn how to communicate a lack of interest very clearly and quickly. You've done nothing to give him the message that you're not interested.

Just be upfront and honest

‘Hi Dave, think maybe I’ve given the wrong impression here, it would be very remiss of me to go out privately with a potential customer, and I can see you’re married so wouldn’t want to put you in an awkward position. Happy to answer any work related questions, and of course if there’s anything I can do for you regarding the tender then please let me know’

Then unfriend him and keep it totally professional feom now onwards

You keep on criticising his behaviour but at no point you have expressed to him you are not interested, quite the opposite. You are being dishonest.

Absolutely not. Networking is a very important part of many jobs and that may include meals or drinks. If OP is in a career like this, there is no reason she would not respond like she did, or even go for a drink. Stop blaming her for this guys actions.

Ignoring his message about it being "his pleasure" to take me out for a drink, and saying "let me get back to you on Monday so I can check mine and [sales manager] availability" when he tried to arrange his "excuse to see me again" is the opposite of disinterested????

Well, if this is so common then this man has committed no crime. To add someone on Facebook at 1 am maybe unusual but I for one go to bed at 3 am and I am married. That does not make me a monster.

Professional networking does not involve creeping round non-work Facebook accounts. It also doesn’t mean you need to smile and put up with being hit on. Neither are professional.

She's a victim of unprofessional behaviour - of a man ignoring professional boundaries and attempting to use his position of power on the workplace to force her into a compromising position.

I am surprised that wasn't clear, I thought she told the story in quite a clear, coherent way.

OP, telling HR was absolutely right, and please don't blame yourself for your initial minimising response to his mention of drinks. Many of us do it - we are socially conditioned to. Man makes comment that makes us feel slightly uncomfortable - to avoid causing a scene or potentially inflaming the situation, we respond with something we hope is conciliatory enough not to anger him, but that makes light/doesn't commit us to anything.

I've fortunately never been put in this precise position in the workplace, but many times in the pub, or on a bus or whatever, guy makes a comment, I've laughed it off, mildly bantered back in order to minimise it and not make it worse.....

I don't apologise for that and nor should you for what you did. And your HR team are human and will understand.

Sorry for the nasty comments on this thread. One assumes those making them are either men themselves, or (lucky for them) have somehow survived to adulthood in this world without ever deliberately being put in an uncomfortable and compromising position by men in power.

This shit shouldn't happen. But it does. Hope you are ok.