Have been put in a really uncomfortable position.

[LikeYouWantIt]

We're on the brink of landing a huge contract at work.

I don't normally meet our customers face to face but as it's a government contract, our customer requested a visit to warehouse they're being supplied from.

Customer rep visited with me, and our sales guy. All fine, no issues. The rep then emailed me asking for various information and procedures. He replied saying "thanks, I owe you a drink!". Thought it was a bit clumsy on his part, but I emailed back "haha sounds good", then moved onto another work-related topic in the same email. He ignored the work related stuff and replied back "I'll definitely take you for a drink, it would be my pleasure. No backing out now!" I didn't respond.

3 days later, I got a Facebook friend request from him at 1am. I spoke to our sales guy about it, and we had a nosey through his profile. He has hundreds of friends, and his wife and kids are all over his profile. He's also the type to post pictures of his dinner, so assumed he's maybe just likes to add people on his socials.

I accepted, and you already know where this is going... I've managed to swerve his flirty messages up till now, while still keeping things fairly lighthearted, but now he's messaged saying he's coming back to the warehouse to "have an excuse to see me", and has pushed why I haven't responded to his messages.

I'm furious that this married man has put me in this awkward situation where I can't tear him a new one due to this huge work contract. I'm going to HR on Monday but how do I politely fob him off over the weekend?? I'm thinking I'll just have to block and ignore.

You don't have to pimp yourself out to get a contract. The contract is not the important thing here. There's no line. It's not the 1970s.

I can only wish that the worst thing that ever happened to me in the workplace was that someone found me attractive and became far too pushy. The shit that's happened to me was a million times worse, but nothing ever went to HR.

But you haven’t said no!

If he keeps pursuing you with flirty messages and offers to take you out...reply
' are you bringing your wife and kids along?'
You'll bever hear another word! You won't be the only person who's knickers he's trying/tried to get in !

huge civil service contracts even if sub contracted generally have very strict rules about social contact pre-award and during contract period, and certainly would preclude any social interaction pre-award - this is my field - so the guy is being inappropriate anyway

Ill-advised but still not her fault. HTH.

Absolutely. Hope HR sort them out.

Jeeeezzzzz OP the comments on this thread.

He is bang out of order and if he had any human bone in his body apart from the one in his pants, he'd know perfectly well you weren't interested. I don't think your response was "encouragement" in the context of business networking that involves socialising and throwaway remarks.

I'm a bit worried about this potentially becoming a bit stalkerish. With someone like him, you could probably have said no loud and clear and he'd still be coming on strong. I'm really sorry you're in this position.

Friend his wife and he’ll crawl away

Because she doesn’t her organization to lose a large contract (possibly bonuses and even jobs on the line). You are being massively obtuse.

I think you should give this bloke a clear no before it escalates professionally with HR. Unfriend him on Facebook and if he messages asking why or for another drink,

"Hi Gary. I prefer to keep my personal and professional lives separate so going to pass on the drink. Now about XYZ (work thing)..."

Done. Then if he follows up pestering at that point go to HR.

So why did you accept it?

There was no need. He can't have any idea how often you check FB. Some people don't log on from one year end to the next.

Sounds like it should have.

And certainly no reason for this OP not to seek advice from HR.

Hi OP. I’m sorry this is happening and also that some posters are blaming you.

You were encouraged to communicate by your Sales Manager and it’s reasonable for you to assume the implications of not following this advice and feeling that the contract is at risk and/or you might be deemed responsible for losing it. It’s an abuse of power by the client.

Go to HR and report him for sexual harassment. What he is doing falls within the legal definition of sexual harassment at work and your employer has a duty of care to ensure you are not subjected to this, and must take reasonable steps to prevent employees from being sexually harassed by colleagues, clients, customers, third parties etc. By encouraging you to engage further with this person your Sales Manager has failed to protect you and therefore the organisation has failed to protect you.

Google the latest legislation and you will see that it most definitely IS sexual harassment, whether that is how you, him, your Sales Manager or other posters would define it. Legally your well-being and safety at work are more important than any contract.

It’s a horrible situation for you to be in. Accepting a celebratory drink and Facebook request should NOT lead to this, you are not responsible for his actions and your HR team - and his - need to be aware and take action.

I’d just respond and say something like ‘when works’ calmed down I’ll have more time!’ And then when the contract is over the line; I’d probably report him then. I’d have no shame in doing what I needed to at work and then calling him out at a later date. I wouldn’t go to HR now as I’d fear losing the contract.. If I had a bonus tied to it I’d be mindful of that. None of it is morally correct but I wouldn’t let his shitty behavior lead to a negative outcome for me at work.

Oh come on, a government contract doesn't hang in the balance and depend on whether Barbara accepts a Facebook friend request 🙄

And if it did and she felt forced in some way to basically prostitute herself on behalf of the company, why would she think HR are going to be of any help?

Oh come on, a government contract doesn't hang in the balance and depend on whether Barbara accepts a Facebook friend request 🙄

And if it did and she felt forced in some way to basically prostitute herself on behalf of the company, why would she think HR are going to be of any help?

Jesus Christ, folks let their imagination run wild around here. The poor sod offered to buy a drink and everyone's acting like it's an invite to a sex marathon.

He didnt put you in this position you did. You flirted, you accepted his FB request and KEPT FLIRTING (lightheartedly) after seeing hes married.

Youre encouraging him whether you mean to or not.

Just tell him, no. Or lie say youve met someone and like them. But while you keep offering positive affirmation he wont be discouraged

You’ve done nothing wrong, in my work people mention drinks, going for a coffee …entirely professional…they even bob up on Facebook but they don’t start a weird flirtation. I have colleague friends on Facebook. Go quiet ignore over the weekend because it’s the weekend and he is a work connection. Yuck though ..what an awful pest

Nowadays I’d not worry about being polite.

In my younger days, I and my peers were subject to similar situations and had various ways of dealing with it.

One friend would take an apparent enormous interest in the wife and children she knew the man had and ask lots of questions about them always finishing with how much she was looking forward to getting married and having at least four babies.

Another rebuffed an unwanted invitation with the rejoinder that she was, as he may have heard, very devout and was spending the weekend at a Carmelite prayer retreat / working as a lay minister / elder/ playing the church organ/ singing in the church choir. 😁

MY GOD nobody is blaming OP for his "gross, inappropriate, pervy" behaviour.

Posters are blaming OP for the "really uncomfortable position" she now finds herself in, which she could have shut down at gate 1. Or gate 2. But didn't.

Is it really so bloody hard to simply say the fucking truth??? "On second thought, I would rather not have that drink with you". Step up and have some courage, for fuck's sake!

Look you need to be quite firm with your boundaries, especially at work. Saying yes to a cosy drink is too encouraging.
Thought it was a bit clumsy on his part, but I emailed back "haha sounds good"
It wasn't clumsy. But he is pushy. Why on earth did you reply "sounds good"?!
You need to be clear not polite.

Ugh sounds awkward only advice I could give is if it was me I would have just said “ha!” Moved onto work then ignored the friend request (not accept or decline)…then any further moves from him would go to hr because the contract isn’t worth it