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Original poster

Male midwife

249 replies

WifeOfAGemini · 29/08/2025 16:26

Hi I just wondered how many of you experienced care from a male midwife, and what did you think about it?

I had a sweep done by a male midwife, they did check that I was happy for him to do it instead of a female midwife and I agreed because I didn’t want to make a fuss. My logic at the time was that he won’t be able to do his job properly if everyone says no to letting him do procedures.

OP posts:
Crategate · 29/08/2025 16:29

I think it got to the point in my third pregnancy (one MMC) that I had had so many peoples hands up there with various scans and swabs and smears and sweeps that it genuinely didn't matter as long as they were getting on with their job.

First time pregnancy I think would have felt a lot more vulnerable and would have preferred not to.

ForLoveNotMoney · 29/08/2025 16:32

I am a midwife and work with 2 male midwives. It's very rare that women refuse their care. If they do, it is usually for religious reasons more than their midwife having a penis.

Abthdust · 29/08/2025 16:32

I had a really lovely and caring male midwife when I was pg with DT. Best midwife experience I had.

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Mustbethat · 29/08/2025 16:33

Yes. He was fab. Actually listened to what I was feeling. much gentler as well for examinations.

The female midwives just kept telling me I couldn’t be in that much pain (detaching placenta) because I was only 2cm. Kept trying to send me home until contractions were more frequent.

sometimes I think female midwives are influenced by their own experience. “Well it didn’t hurt that much when I had mine” etc.

ILoveWillSmith · 29/08/2025 16:35

My daughter in law had a male midwife - he was amazing.
Really kind and caring (and very professional)

Cheese55 · 29/08/2025 16:35

@ForLoveNotMoney Please don't try and trivialise it. You know it's not about them 'having a penis'.

ScurryfungeSpuddle · 29/08/2025 16:36

Yes and he was just the same as the female midwives.

I've also seen plenty of male doctors and had operations from 2 male surgeons.

MonsterBookOfTyson · 29/08/2025 16:36

As long as he is caring and gentle I wouldn't mind. Unfortunately the 2 occasions I have had a male (dr) down there during one a sweep and the other sewing me up post tearing they really hurt me and did not listen so it's made me nervous.

lifeturnsonadime · 29/08/2025 16:37

It is entirely up to the individual whether they feel comfortable or not with a male performing intimate procedures.

feelinhopeful · 29/08/2025 16:37

Yep, I had a male midwife for one of my births. He was fabulous, so caring and supportive. He was far more sympathetic than some of the female midwives.

mixedbeans · 29/08/2025 16:45

ScurryfungeSpuddle · 29/08/2025 16:36

Yes and he was just the same as the female midwives.

I've also seen plenty of male doctors and had operations from 2 male surgeons.

You too are trivialising.

mixedbeans · 29/08/2025 16:46

I don't understand men being midwives I have to be honest. I would say no.

CurlewKate · 29/08/2025 16:48

I would always prefer a woman. But when I’m World Dictator, everyone involved in pregnancy and childbirth except the baby’s father will be women.

Crategate · 29/08/2025 16:49

Are there stats on interventions and sex of midwife?

Women are more likely to die if they have a male surgeon.

GleisZwei · 29/08/2025 16:51

It wouldn't bother me but I appreciate that it might bother others.

Adultautismdiagnosis · 29/08/2025 16:51

I'm not sure how it's any different to having a male gynae doctor or a man performing intimate surgery or a male nurse putting in a catheter etc.

MrsBobtonTrent · 29/08/2025 16:52

I had a male midwife - absolutely awful. So dismissive of what turned out to be genuine concerns. So patronising and smug. Would talk over me to DH. DH didn't come to one appointment and we wondered if it would be better, but no. In the end I turned up to a&e one night in a state and was admitted at 28 weeks and everyone was astounded I hadn't been sent in for monitoring earlier until they saw my notes and the midwife. He was widely known for being awful, but no one seemed able to challenge.

Whether male or female, if you are uncomfortable then raise it. Don't try to be not-a-bother. And if you are uncomfortable with a male midwife, you should speak up and not put up with it to fit in. Not feeling safe inhibits labour and causes stress.

ScurryfungeSpuddle · 29/08/2025 16:54

mixedbeans · 29/08/2025 16:45

You too are trivialising.

Show quote history

I'm telling the OP who delivered my baby, who I've had medical treatment from and who operated on me.

How is that 'trivialising'? I'll repeat my post below and perhaps you can get your red pen out and correct it until you feel it looks acceptable to you.

Yes and he was just the same as the female midwives.
I've also seen plenty of male doctors and had operations from 2 male surgeons.

There you go.

Mumof1andacat · 29/08/2025 16:55

No experience of a male midwife but I had two male doctors help deliver my ds in theatre (back 2 back, stuck and the need for forceps). It didn't occur to me to question them or the other 15 other professionals in the room. Mix or male and female.

TheOliveFinch · 29/08/2025 16:56

I had a male midwife during my first labour but he went off shift before delivery he was very good just as the female midwife who took over from him

chrith · 29/08/2025 16:57

I agreed to a male midwife but felt uncomfortable about it and felt that I had to say yes. Now I’m older and have had five decades of gynae care, I’d always always ask for a woman. And I do. I had an agonising coil insertion done by a male GP and two inappropriate situations with two other doctors. One was extremely weird and touched me in an in appropriate way when fitting me for a diaphragm and the other one asked I remove knickers when it wasn’t necessary for the exam. (it wasn’t a scan or an internal, just measuring size of bump). I didn’t complain about these three situations, but I should have. I always ask for a female now, unapologetically.

Radiatorvalves · 29/08/2025 17:00

I had one about 20 years ago. He was lovely. And very competent. I was quite nervous as first birth hadn’t been a lot of fun. He was very calming and all went well. He handed over to a female midwife as it was going on a bit!

Parker231 · 29/08/2025 17:03

mixedbeans · 29/08/2025 16:46

I don't understand men being midwives I have to be honest. I would say no.

Do you think the same about male gynaecologists. Odd opinion about a trained medical professional.

LER83 · 29/08/2025 17:04

I had a male midwife during part of my labour with dc3 (very long/slow induction), and I was really uncomfortable with it. I was a bit surprised I felt like that as that sort of thing doesn't usually bother me. I had had male consultants throughout as was high risk, and actually found male drs more sympathetic when I had hypermesis. But it really unsettled me for some reason. I remember panicking when he said he would check how dilated I was! Thankfully there was a change-over of staff so he wasn't there for the birth or anything internal!

Icanttakethisanymore · 29/08/2025 17:07

I haven't, but a male surgeon snipped my perineum and pulled my baby out with forceps. It wouldn't have occurred to me (or most women I would guess) to think twice about a surgeon being a man in this situation. I wasn't asked or even told in advance it would be a man (there may have only been a man available tbf, I don't know). A midwife is no different in my view (even if I admit it might feel a bit different initially because we are not used to it).