Male midwife

[WifeOfAGemini]

Hi I just wondered how many of you experienced care from a male midwife, and what did you think about it?

I had a sweep done by a male midwife, they did check that I was happy for him to do it instead of a female midwife and I agreed because I didn’t want to make a fuss. My logic at the time was that he won’t be able to do his job properly if everyone says no to letting him do procedures.

Oh I remembered as well when I had my hysterectomy one of the nurses on the ward after was male.

IME and I know it’s purely anecdotal I found males asked for consent and waited for a response much more than females. It’s like females sometimes forget woman may not feel comfortable with an intimate exam whoever is conducting it.

A mother could be uncomfortable and still give birth to a healthy baby. On the other hand, she could be more comfortable with female, albeit less experienced staff members, but at the cost of her baby's life.

I’ve had a male midwife, he was fantastic!

I’ve had a male obstetrician helping with a difficult birth, so I wouldn’t object to a male midwife. TBH by that stage I’d have thought most people are past caring.

I might add that the only rough treatment I ever experienced while in labour, was from a female obstetrician.

The ‘ keep your pants on’ comment will have been because, slightly bafflingly, people still rock up to theatre with no underwear on fairly regularly (and then quite often complain about it even when no one’s told them they need to do it!) so quite often the nurses will tell patients exactly what they need to do. Most people don’t like being pants-free in a hospital gown and unless the operation is in a ‘pants distribution’ there’s usually no need for it and frankly when we’re moving people about on the operating table none of us want to see any more bums/bits than necessary!! Best to pack a spare pair if you are wearing underwear to theatre just in case - occasionally if someone coughs when they’re waking up then that can come with some incontinence. If someone’s having uro -gynae procedure and really doesn’t want to take their underwear off pre-op it can be done asleep, but personally I’d find that a bit weirder (and more often than not those pants won’t be put back on at the end because of the manual handling involved in doing that on an unconscious adult). Bras in theatre are a bit trickier - metal clasps/underwiring can be a problem (and can make cardiac monitoring a bit harder if you’re trying to get ecg dots in the right place in a crop-top type bra).

re patients requesting a female (or male) only staff - in elective/non-urgent scenarios most hospital teams will try to accommodate that. In an emergency there is no guarantee.

A ‘check’ can feel completely different to the ongoing care a midwife gives throughout labour. An emergency situation is completely different. Do these things really need explaining?

Yes I had one. I was asked if I were OK with it. He seemed lovely. I didn't have him for long though due to shift change.
For me I don't see what the difference is between the male midwives and the doctors.. coz I had male doctors during all of my labours who just came and put their hands all over me without even asking... yet I was asked about the male midwife who never even touched me!

No way. I will never have a male healthcare provider unless it is an absolute emergency. 100% no to a male midwife... I wouldn't even go to a male GP.

I’m actually finding the number of posters implying women are in some way odd for wanting female care in labour quite disturbing. If you are happy with it for yourself, cool, but let other women have a choice without being told their choice is odd etc. These threads have attracted creepy men in the past as well so I’m sure there will be some posting,

yep to me they do! i don't really see the difference, it's intimate medical care 🤷🏼‍♀️ and as I said, i really lived my male midwife, he was so much less 'silly' than many of the women and chatted to me about non-baby stuff in a wonderfully distracting way

All that shows is that there is a problem with men so it’s no wonder many women are extra cautious at being treated by one when they are in one of the most vulnerable times of their life. I’d choose a female for anything medical due to my own past experiences and things I’ve heard about.

I had a male midwife on the antenatal ward and he was fine then he came to see me on labour ward straight after I'd had the baby and I was on the loo and I hadn't had chance to put knickers on and I felt very self conscious. If it had been a female I wouldn't have minded so much.

I just feel that you are very vulnerable when giving birth and it's a traditionally female only space for a reason. There's a difference between the care that drs and midwives deliver. Many women won't have a dr at their birth, but all will have a midwife.

Conversely, I'm finding the number of posters implying that men who work as midwives/gynaecologists are in some way odd, or worse, quite disturbing.

Or you could just not dismiss the feelings of other women. You wanted care that you were comfortable with, so do other women. We may all have a different idea of what that looks like but shouldn’t dismiss and minimise others concerns and imply that they’re odd. It doesn’t matter to you what other women choose, so leave others to it. I’m not really sure what to say about you needing it explaining, other than to try to think a bit more than you have.

I don’t think there is anything worng with a male midwife although personally it’s not for me. I may or may not object if I was faced with one depending on how they come off to me.. But I think there is a lot wrong with a woman staying quiet about being uncomfortable over worry he may be impacted. If you are not comfortable then you should be able to ask for a different midwife regardless of the reason. Stress and awkwardness impacts your labour you frame it as a you problem not he is the problem and it’s reasonable

Ive never had a male midwife but the best two gynaecologists I’ve ever been treated by were both male (and I’ve seen a fair few).

not dismissing or minimising, you're being very sensitive! Just giving my opinion, as was asked for. Have a nice evening.

I'm not denying men can be terrible in general.. but the worst medical experiences I've had have been with female professionals unfortunately. In regards to being rough and not getting consent.
Sadly many healthcare professionals of both genders have touched me without consent but I'd have to say it's the women that were worse. Had an absolutely horrific experience with a female doctor removing my coil.
That's just my experience though.
I do think it can be an arrogant doctor thing that applies equally to both make and female doctors.

I wouldn’t say they’re all bad, obviously they’re not, but I gave an example of my friend having heard male gynaecologists talk in a disturbing way about women they have treated. I have also had a very bad experience with a male gynaecologist years ago that I and other women reported.

Most women will have dealt with numerous bad men over the years and so although it may not be pc to imply these men are odd, I believe they are right to minimise their risk by not letting them treat them if they feel that way. I’m past putting men’s feelings above my own safety and comfort.

I think it should be something asked at the booking in appointment. When I was in labour I went into a zone where I was very unaware of what was going on around me and who was treating me etc. I would have consented to a male midwife because I wouldnt really have been aware of what was being asked of me but afterwards I think I would have felt that I wasn't able to give informed consent.

I’ve had crap female doctors, Men bring an added level of threat though that women generally don’t bring, that’s the point.

You’ve done exactly that. Engage your brain occasionally.

Me too. I was a police officer (probationer) and the police doctor who was a "God" in the police force told me to take off my blouse and bra so he could check the cyst I'd had removed was okay. I did it without questioning. I was so naive.

Years later he was dismissed, I can't remember all the ramifications for him and all us police women looked at each other knowingly.

I worked in the women and children's unit and always said that when I had children I would never let a male neighbour babysit for them. I learned what could happen with young girls and male neighbours and, even more tragically, the young girls' fathers. Things I can never forget

@SkeletonBatsflyatnight

🌻🌻🌻🌻

Why wouldn’t you be? It’s not sexual fgs!

I mean would you ask a female midwife if she is a lesbian? No. Because it’s not sexual.