Brother took over DC's room and won't leave!

[Rineee]

My brother moved out of his flat (he'd been there for 6 years) into a shared house, where he had his own room. However, there were problems with the room, the bathroom wasn’t working etc. and he didn’t want to stay another month. I suspect he couldn’t afford it. He's terrible with money!

He doesn’t get along with my sister, so staying at my mum’s wasn’t suitable. I offered for him to stay with me, and he said it would only be for a week. I gave him DC's room while she sleeps with me.
It’s now been almost two months, and he’s only viewed one property. He has also reduced his working hours to part-time (I don’t know why) and seems quite comfortable with this new lifestyle. He hasn’t contributed a single penny not even bought a loaf of bread or made any gesture whatsoever. On top of that, last week, he told me he was skint and asked me to lend him money for fuel and again yesterday.

My property is up for sale, I was hoping it'd sell before I'd have to speak with him. I was to say I've accepted an offer, please find somewhere else by X date but it doesn't seem like it'll sell anytime soon.

My DC will be going back to school next month, and she really needs her room back. I’m not sure how to bring up the subject with him. I’m a newly single mum, going through a divorce, and paying for everything on my own, it’s already hard enough without taking on the responsibility of another adult. Even though he’s out all day and only comes back late at night, so he isn't in the way as such, but he still needs to leave!

How can I raise this topic politely and in a non-confrontational way?

This, stop putting your brother before your child.

So he’s sponging off you for accommodation and sponging off his mother for meals, that’s why he pops in to see her
It’s easy to see how he can get by on part time work, a lot of his expenses are being funded by others

Honestly OP - send the message now. 2 weeks today is 1st September. Hopefully that leaves a couple of days to get straight before dd’s at school.

go on, you’ll feel better once it’s sent. 2 weeks notice. 1st September. He told you he only wanted to stay max 2 weeks. That’s what you agreed to. Be confrontational. He’s lied and stolen your daughter’s space for the whole summer. He can go to your mums if he can’t find anywhere else.

Just message him and put it on the door:

Bro: Move out by Friday.—Sis.

If you are on benefits, then have you reported this change of circumstances with your brother having "moved in" staying at yours for more than a couple of weeks looks like he has moved in - whether that be temporary or permanent?

If you're not on benefits of any type, then its not an issue but if you're claiming U.C. or council tax discount for single person or council tax relief - then you really need him gone asap otherwise you'll be finding that your benefits will drop as the authorities will take his earring into account as he is living in the household and deduct your benefits back to when he started staying with you.

TBH id tell hm he has to be gone in the next few days as it far to risky to allow him to stay and put yourself and childs finances in jeopardy

'Bro, daughter needs her room back before the weekend , so you're going to have to move in with mum'

Please let us know how it goes op. ( Not meaning to rush you, on your schedule of course.)
I have a sibling who did this to my parents for years so I do find these freeloader situations interesting.

Wishing well over the next couple of weeks.

You should not have agreed to him moving in without discussing finances, but I understand you were being a kind sister and wanted to help, and you thought it was only for a week.
However, you agreed to help him, not keep him, you need to make this clear, You are not his mother (not that she needs to keep him either) and he is being an absolute user. Disgusting behaviour no matter how old he is.

I don’t think you will be able to avoid a confrontation, he clearly sees you as a soft touch, someone he can take advantage of. I don’t think anything you say will be acceptable to him, he is going to kick off whatever reasonable deadline you give. So I suggest you brace yourself and do this sooner rather than later. Put you and your dd first before this freeloader!

Can we stop with the harsh comments please. OP is exhausted working arounf the clock and is clearly a generous person and loving mom. She thought they'd only be sharing a room for a week, and her daughter may not have minded sharing a room temporarily with her mom.

My mum was like this. Always bending over backwards to avoid confrontation even at the expense of us all being walked over. Trust me, your kid will remember your cowardice.

You are being incredibly unfair to your child who has no choice.

Your brother knows you are a wet lettuce and is taking the piss.

Tell him to leave.

Why are you walking on eggshells to avoid upsetting your brother when he's the one taking the piss monumentally?? Your DC is your priority, not your brother! He's taking advantage of your obviously kind nature and has no intention of moving!
I'd just come out and say it, otherwise you'll bottle it up and then end up losing it with him. If he doesn't take the hint maybe ask a male friend to support you. Hate to rely on men but sometimes men will only listen to a bloke.
He needs to be responsible for himself but at the moment it seems he's Peter Pan! He needs to grow up and appreciate what you've done for him instead of behaving like an entitled little boy.

And where is he until midnight? The pub?

I just get ticked off by women who describe themselves as ‘nice’ while trampling all over their children. Perhaps your mum didn’t treat you as the last person to be considered so it is less irksome for you to hear.

DD has been spending much of her time with my mum and sister over the summer holidays, so she hasn’t been affected to a great extent, and I don’t feel I’m trampling over her. I’ll be speaking with my brother about moving out before she starts school, which is why I’m posting to get advice on the best way to do it.

I don’t know, and frankly I haven’t cared to ask. As long as he’s out of my place, he can do what he likes and stay out until whatever time.

OP, be brave and prioritise yourself and your daughter. It doesn't matter if your brother thinks you're rude or what he wants. Tell him he has a week to find somewhere as you need the house back to yourselves by the end of the Bank holiday weekend so you can get sorted for back to school. You just need to say it and stick to it. If he doesn't do anything by the weekend, pack up his stuff and drop it over to your mums. Change your locks so you have new keys. Be a good role model to your daughter.

The best way to do it is just say it- brother you need to move out by x date. Don't over think.

Guessing you haven’t had The Chat yet.

Get rid of him, poster. Children are the priority

Have you sent him the message yet?

He'll probably tell you you're harming his mental heath. If he does, tell him he has been doing that to you for the last few weeks and it has to stop.

People, there’s no need to suggest OP goes to the expense and inconvenience of changing the locks when she hasn’t even asked DBro to leave yet.

Hello everyone, I sent him a brief message on Whatsapp earlier letting him know that DD needs her room back. I also suggested he check Facebook for a flat and sent him a link to an affordable bedsit he could arrange to view. He hasn’t responded yet. My mum tried calling him, but he didn’t answer. I don’t think I’ll catch him tonight, but I will follow up with him tomorrow.

Great, you’ve taken the first step! (Hope that doesn’t sound patronising, it’s really not meant to)