Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Brother took over DC's room and won't leave!

283 replies

Rineee · 18/08/2025 09:43

My brother moved out of his flat (he'd been there for 6 years) into a shared house, where he had his own room. However, there were problems with the room, the bathroom wasn’t working etc. and he didn’t want to stay another month. I suspect he couldn’t afford it. He's terrible with money!

He doesn’t get along with my sister, so staying at my mum’s wasn’t suitable. I offered for him to stay with me, and he said it would only be for a week. I gave him DC's room while she sleeps with me.
It’s now been almost two months, and he’s only viewed one property. He has also reduced his working hours to part-time (I don’t know why) and seems quite comfortable with this new lifestyle. He hasn’t contributed a single penny not even bought a loaf of bread or made any gesture whatsoever. On top of that, last week, he told me he was skint and asked me to lend him money for fuel and again yesterday.

My property is up for sale, I was hoping it'd sell before I'd have to speak with him. I was to say I've accepted an offer, please find somewhere else by X date but it doesn't seem like it'll sell anytime soon.

My DC will be going back to school next month, and she really needs her room back. I’m not sure how to bring up the subject with him. I’m a newly single mum, going through a divorce, and paying for everything on my own, it’s already hard enough without taking on the responsibility of another adult. Even though he’s out all day and only comes back late at night, so he isn't in the way as such, but he still needs to leave!

How can I raise this topic politely and in a non-confrontational way?

OP posts:
99bottlesofkombucha · 19/08/2025 13:45

Rineee · 19/08/2025 12:25

No, he hasn’t responded to my message yet. He also didn’t sleep at home. I called him a couple of times this morning, but he didn’t pick up.

If he ignores and avoids you for a couple of days the next message is ok I’m going to assume you’ve moved out. Are you planning to come back and get your stuff or is it just bin?
because you do not offer to pack for him.

Account734 · 19/08/2025 13:46

Well done OP!! Hopefully he makes it easy on you and finds another place to stay asap. Please keep us updated.

MrsAga · 19/08/2025 14:17

99bottlesofkombucha · 19/08/2025 13:45

If he ignores and avoids you for a couple of days the next message is ok I’m going to assume you’ve moved out. Are you planning to come back and get your stuff or is it just bin?
because you do not offer to pack for him.

Agree with this. Don’t chase him.
If there’s no contact for another night, assume he’s moved out as it shows he has somewhere else to sleep.

Id change the locks & chuck everything in bin bags & put in yours or mums garage/shed. Let him know where they are if he wants them. Let your daughter help you reclaim her bedroom.
It was lovely of you to be kind, but he’s shown you that he’s too selfish to be grateful. Time for him to stand on his own two feet. Don’t feel any guilt, you tried, he failed.

Good luck.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

KmcK87 · 19/08/2025 15:10

Op give him until tonight and bag his stuff and tell him it’s out the back. Enough is enough.

Pictures50 · 19/08/2025 15:15

As he didn't return home, this is the perfect time to bag his stuff up.

If he falls out with you, it will be a blessing.

Aspidistree · 19/08/2025 15:46

Pictures50 · 19/08/2025 15:15

As he didn't return home, this is the perfect time to bag his stuff up.

If he falls out with you, it will be a blessing.

This is true. See this as an opportunity. He'll be much harder to shift when he's in, and you have no guarantee he will continue to spend so much time out of the house.

amicisimma · 19/08/2025 15:49

Rineee · 19/08/2025 12:35

I'm thinking of my daughter hence I'm speaking up. I made a mistake, but I’m rectifying it quickly. As I mentioned, she has spent most of the summer with my mum and sister. Her dad leaving has nothing to do with me, so I won’t take responsibility for his actions.

Sorry, OP, I didn't mean to ignore the fact that you'd realised this wasn't good and were taking steps to put it right, for which I applaud you. Really I am cheering you on and hoping you'll keep strong for your DD if your brother starts trying to make you change your mind.

But, as you see on so many threads on Mumsnet, and there are even people taking that position on this thread, there are plenty of adults who put their own desires first, sometimes just for an easy life, and take no account of the effect on any children involved, who are in no position to defend their interests.

Rineee · 19/08/2025 17:31

Account734 · 19/08/2025 13:46

Well done OP!! Hopefully he makes it easy on you and finds another place to stay asap. Please keep us updated.

Just a quick update, I spoke with him in person and explained the situation, and the conversation went calmly. We looked together on OpenRent and Gumtree for a flat, and he agreed to move out on the 1st. I’ll provide another update then. Thank you, and thanks also to everyone else for your advice and support.

OP posts:
Account734 · 19/08/2025 17:36

Great news OP!!! So pleased for you and your daughter. x

Redshoeblueshoe · 19/08/2025 17:51

Well done.

Imisscoffee2021 · 19/08/2025 18:57

So great when it ends calmly and without drama, Great job :)

inigomontoyahwillcox · 19/08/2025 19:15

That’s fantastic news! I really do understand how difficult it is to take a stand against a family member, it can be gut wrenching, but you’ve done exactly the right thing for you and your DD.

Bigcat25 · 19/08/2025 19:28

What a relief!

femfemlicious · 19/08/2025 20:08

That's great 👍🏿. I hope it goes according to plan.

Silverbirchleaf · 19/08/2025 22:02

Let’s hope he follows through.

A bit of advice, don’t become a guarantor for him. Basically, it means that if he defaults on his rent payments, you’re liable to pay up. It could cost you thousands.

viques · 19/08/2025 22:30

A really good update OP. Hope it all works out, and it just goes to show it is always better speaking directly to people than texting, whatsapping or just expecting them to pick up the signals by osmosis!

Rineee · 20/08/2025 09:07

Silverbirchleaf · 19/08/2025 22:02

Let’s hope he follows through.

A bit of advice, don’t become a guarantor for him. Basically, it means that if he defaults on his rent payments, you’re liable to pay up. It could cost you thousands.

Thank you. Definitely not. I won’t take on that responsibility.

OP posts:
momtoboys · 20/08/2025 15:10

I'm glad things went well.

Christmaschildcare · 23/08/2025 18:13

I hope he leaves @Rineee !

BunnyRuddington · 23/08/2025 18:40

Has he found anywhere to go yet?

YYURYYUCICYYUR4ME · 23/08/2025 18:59

Pack his bags, take his key and wave him goodbye. You are not his parent, or his piggy bank. He's abused and misused your hospitality, now give him a kick out the door!

godmum56 · 23/08/2025 20:03

not to piss on anyones chips but I wouldn't believe it till I'd seen it.

JamesWebbSpaceTelescope · 30/08/2025 08:44

How is everything going? Is he packed and ready to go?

BunnyRuddington · 31/08/2025 07:00

JamesWebbSpaceTelescope · 30/08/2025 08:44

How is everything going? Is he packed and ready to go?

I was wondering et ong this too.

Rineee · 05/09/2025 20:37

Hi all, last update from me: he vacated on the 1st and handed the key back.

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread