Anyone free for a handhold? I’m losing my DM tonight 💔

[morecoffeeee]

4 years I have been her carer, she’s fought through so much but is not strong enough for anymore battles. I’m sat bedside and will stay firmly here for the night - I never knew the end would be so painful to witness. I don’t want to cry because I don’t want her to see, she’s already so distressed. There’s no-one that can sit with me and my heart is smashed into a 1000 pieces 😢

Hi Everyone, thanks for all of the continuing support ❤️
Well of course she defied the odds and I’m still sat next to her hospital bed as I type!
Last night was very distressing for both of us but today she is peaceful and comfortable. I’ve drank more coffee than I ever thought was possible and have been awake for 37 hours!

Can you get a couple of hours sleep anywhere?

Thinking of you, I sat with my mum in February. She lasted longer than expected but those nights I sat with her, after the rest of the family went home each evening were so precious despite the circumstances - it’s so hard to explain. Feel however you need to feel, your mum sounds like an amazing lady and she’s clearly raised an equally amazing daughter. Much love to you both.

I’ve kept you and your DM in my thoughts and prayers today❤️ sending you love and hugs 🫂

Bless you ! It’s such a weird time, sad but also bizarre and full of odd encounters with strangers (I called a nurse babes once as I sat with grandma, as was so tired I thought it was my wife talking to me!) and too much coffee !

try and snatch a few hours of snooze, even just a few little dozes next to her . She knows you are there and won’t mind you having a little kip.

you and your vibrant, wonderful mum are in my prayers tonight xx

Oh love.

the nurses will be able to get you a toothbrush and some deodorant I’m sure if you can get a shower xxxx

im thinking of you still.

I’ve brought a big blanket from home and the nurses have given me lots of squishy pillows, so I’ve made a little bed next to DM. I don’t think we’ve slept next to each other like this since I was a kid, she would love that we’re having a girly sleepover ❤️

@morecoffeeee, your DMum will find that very comforting I’m sure. Make sure you get some rest too.

@morecoffeeee
Big hugs to you ! It is such a privilege and a right as a daughter to be able to do this for your mum.
Xx

@morecoffeeee Your mum sounds like the most wonderful lady ❤️ I hope one day my children speak about me the way you speak of your dear mum.

I had the privilege of sitting with each of my 2 grandparents (who raised me) while they passed. One was 3 days and the other 5. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done but those nights with them were so special.

Hold her hand, tell her everything you want her to hear and have your girly sleepover. Your presence will be so comforting to her. I hope you both have a peaceful night. I’ll be thinking of you both ❤️

I can’t begin to imagine how you’re feeling right now and I’m in awe of the strength you’re displaying; making sure she’s comfortable and calm rather than falling apart. I can only hope I’m able to do the same for my mum when the time comes.

Can she hear you? If you aren’t going to be disturbing anyone else, I might be inclined to get some Luther Vandross on. Will be thinking of you.

Ah your mum sounds so lovely. Sending a big handhold to you. I hope you know what a comfort it must be to her to have you near.

Handhold tonight. Update us with more stories in the small hours if it helps to talk / distract
X

Thinking of you OP ❤

Sending big hugs. I was there when my Dad died and when my OH died. I was glad I was there with them when they took their last breath in this world. You can do this and these moments and memories will comfort you in the times ahead.

I'm still thinking of you both. Do try to have a nap, it's hard going. I did 40 hours awake when my mum passed last month and now have an eye twitch as a result. These mums of ours are such strong ladies. I hope she remains peaceful x

I truly hope you’re okay hand hold and lots of love sent your way x

Sending you another hand-hold for your second night. 💚

Oh gosh, things have turned not nice at all 💔 I’ve just left the room and had a huge breakdown on the phone to DH. I can’t control my sobs or even speak properly.
I don’t know what I pictured but it wasn’t this - I don’t even recognise her. I’m scared 😢😢😢

@morecoffeeee You’ve got this ❤️ Let the doctors and nurses guide you. There is lots that they can give to keep her comfortable.

You poor thing, was just thinking about you, you must be exhausted too xx
Hope the nursing staff can comfort and reassure you and get mum comfortable again xx

I’m sorry you’re going through this. It’s awful and never-ending and so lonely. I remember so clearly the interminable nights. Massive handhold to you @morecoffeeee ❤️

Here for you.

Have you had any sleep yet?
I’m sure she can feel your love very much all around her.
If you haven’t slept yet, it would be ok to go and get a few hours, so you have some strength for tomorrow.
In some cases people like to be alone for a little while, while they’re in pain / finding peace. Taking a break isn’t abandoning. So sorry.

Oh, @morecoffeeee, I’m so sorry for you. The end of anyone’s life isn’t pretty. I don’t know if you’re aware about stridor, but the breathing of someone who is approaching death sounds awful - but it doesn’t hurt or distress them.
Other symptoms are also likely to be involuntary so don’t necessarily interpret them as being related to distress or pain.
My DM in particular didn’t look like her usual self towards the end.
Don't be afraid of asking the staff there if what is going on is usual - it probably is, but we as a nation don’t really talk about it, so we are unprepared for what somebody approaching the end of their life might be like.
I’m sure I’m not alone in telling you that you have my huge sympathies and my wishes that your mum’s passing away is as peaceful as it can be when the time comes.