Upset by DH’s ‘misjudgment’ aka lack of common sense

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We went to a waterpark today for the first time with our two sons (aged 2&4).

DS1 (eldest) is much more water confident than DS2 and doesn’t mind going down the slides, getting hair/eyes wet etc. DS2 a lot more apprehensive and even looks too small for the slides.

At one point DS1 wanted to go down the biggest slide (it was a fully closed tunnel slide which went from the top of the waterpark down to the bottom. It had various bends and turns. DS1 went down it fine. DH took him up there (quite a way up), he carried DS2 with him but I assumed he would walk back down the steps to the bottom once DS1 had entered the slide. But no… I saw him lower DS2 into the slide and I went slightly ballistic from the bottom, trying to shout up and signal to him ‘NO!’. He obviously did it any way. He put DS2 in the tunnel and off he went.

I waited right at the bottom for DS2 to appear. I waited. I waited. I started to fucking panic like there is no tomorrow and then I hear him screaming ‘mama, mama’. And truly in that moment my whole body went to absolute jelly. He is a very small 2 year old and was clearly terrified, stuck alone in this fully closed long ass tunnel.

To clarify, there’s no water going through the tunnel obviously, I mean it’s wet in there due to wet swimwear going through it but no stream of water. However, it’s the mere fact that I couldn’t see him, but I could hear him screaming for me.

Then he stopped screaming for me and I panicked even more. Lifeguards all came over but didn’t actually know what to suggest because DS2 had obviously gotten stuck somewhere in the tunnel and seeing as he is only 2, he didn’t really know to keep sliding himself down. Nobody could slide down it and get him because apparently it was too risky (if they went down too fast they could bang into him).

He eventually came out, shaking like an absolute leaf. It honestly felt like ages. The screaming made it worse but then the silent parts were even worse than that.

Furious at DH and feeling so shaken by it.

It does sound like a misjudgment, but also you sound rather dramatic and catastrophising. Luckily your children have the both of you, and will learn from what each of you bring.

Misjudgement? I'd be livid.Was there no height requirements for the ride? What did the staff say? Is your lo ok now?

Your husband is an idiot you poor thing how traumatic for both of you I'd be livid you are absolutely not catastrophising

your husband was very foolish but surely there must have been height restrictions and a staff member stationed at the entrance to the ride

Your husband is an absolute twat! I would be completely livid and never trust him again.

I'd be absolutely fuming, I can't even describe. I'd also consider myself quite a laid back parent. 2 is so so to be and I feel just as you do. I thought you were going to say he went down with him, knowing he was scared. Sending him down alone is something else. How are his parental instincts usually? His common sense?
I don't even know how I'd trust such a person to look after my child after that.

Did he see guidance and ignore it or was there no guidance? My anger would be based on that. Is it a misjudgment because there was no guidance or did he not look for it/ignore it?

There was definitely a height restriction because he was slightly above the bar which determines whether or not you are allowed. BUT regardless of height, he is only 2 and it’s a long way down (and fully enclosed). It really should have an age restriction rather than height, because if a child was to get stuck half way (like mine) ideally they’d be able to work it out (calmly) how to just keep sliding themselves down until they reach the bottom.

I’ve barely spoken to DH since and immediately took DS out and waited in Reception for the rest of the session. DH now thinks I’ve scarred him even more by rushing out of the pool and thinks we should have taken him back into the water (not down any slides obviously) to show him it’s not scary. But… how could I have taken the poor thing back into the water when he was visibly traumatised and shaking. It was bloody awful and I’m past the anger stage, just upset at DH’s lack of sympathy and common sense. Like I say, regardless of the height restrictions it was obvious that our son would NOT have found that slide any fun. Each child is different and of course some children are more advanced with these sorts of things, but it was our first time at a water park and he was clearly apprehensive. Common. Sense.

DS is ok now, ate all his dinner bless him, had a quick shower and is tucked up next to me in bed.

I am by no means a helicopter parent but what a fucking idiot! He's 2! Clearly not old enough for a slide like that. I'd be fucking fuming.

I would be fuming at his incompetence! A 2 year old down a huge waterside alone! Some men really don't think!!

I don’t understand how a slide like that (going from the top of the water park to the bottom) allowed for a small sized 2 year old to go on it?

@CaramelGhost This is probably why I have such a ‘weird’ feeling tonight. I can’t describe it. He is usually quite a worrier. Insists on holding DS1 hand whenever we are out and about (bare in mind DS1 is 4 and very aware when it comes to the roads). But just to give you an example, he is usually always airing on the side of caution.

Today however, it was different. At first I understood his approach - he wanted to make it seem to the boys that water isn’t scary etc so was very laid back but the slide incident was WAY too far and I just don’t no what possessed him to do that. He keeps saying it was a misjudgment but what an awful misjudgment to make. It will truly take some time to get over it, I just can’t get over that scream. He wanted me to come and get him but I couldn’t and that was undoubtedly the worst feeling I have ever felt in my life. Never ever ever again.

Your DH massively misjudged but if he acknowledges it and is apologetic and generally a sensible dad, then you need to try and forgive him.

I would also be traumatised by hearing my 2 year old screaming for me, that stays with you. Even now the thought of my child screaming for me is upsetting, and he's 19!

But your DS is very unlikely to remember it so don't fret too much now. He is safe and sound and was never in any real physical danger, because he would have gotten out or someone would have gone down to get him. So go easy on yourself.

I think it depends on the child. My DS was an absolute daredevil from the day his was born 😂 he would have happily gone down any side, splashing into the water and swimming underneath. Is your DS quite a nervy child anyway, if he was shaking through fear when he was down? DH should have judged it better by the sounds of it!

A 4 year old child died at a water park in Staffordshire this week, so maybe you should reconsider your patronising, dismissive and unnecessarily rude response.

Was DS2 keen at the top?

To try it, I mean?

@SereneSquirrel This literally came to my head during the whole slide incident today. How utterly and desperately tragic.

@angelinawasrobbed Apparently so but this annoyed me even more. DH should know better than to have asked him in the first place. Even if DS did say yes, it was clearly too much for him and at that age DS was obviously thinking it’s nothing more than a simple slide.

It sounds incredibly stressful and I know just what you mean about hearing your child's screams for help.
For me this would hinge on whether DS wanted to go down it, did he sit happily waiting, or was he thrust in without a choice by his dad? If the latter, has DH apologised to your son for putting him down it and taken full responsibility for poor decision making? Nothing but grovelling apology would have me feeling kinder towards him.

If the height restriction allowed a two year old on then it can't be massive slide surely.

Your husband was being really stupid, but you need to let this go. He knows, and - unless he is a complete idiot - he won’t do anything like this again.

The lifeguards seem useless and I would actually contact management and ask them to review their staff training and general procedures regarding the safety of very young children.

However, I would also urge you to not let your distress affect your son. It would probably have been better if, after comforting him, you had taken him to a safe part of the water park and played with him. You don’t want him to develop a fear of water.

I can only respond to the way OP herself describes the situation and her own reaction.

She’s made very clear she was panicking, slightly ballistic, shaking like a leaf, the awful silences, legs turned to jelly. She knew where the child was at all times: sitting in a dark tunnel. It sounds like a horrible experience for the child.

I think one of the helpful things about having a forum is reading others’ perspectives. Not meant to be either patronising or rude. Neither of us should speak for OP but whenever I’ve made a thread on MN I’ve expected people will express a range of views. Otherwise what’s the point.

It sounds awful but it really can’t have been that big a slide if your 2 year old met the required height restriction. Something doesn’t add up here.

I do agree with DH that tsking DS2 to play in the shallower water would have been a good idea afterwards, but he certainly doesn't get to take the moral high ground!

I’m interested to actually see the slide / water park as I find it hard to believe a ‘very small 2 year old’ is tall enough to go on a slide that leaves someone shaking and petrified. The slide didn’t have water gushing down it, so was still just a tube slide. I do think your reaction made the whole thing worse. Surely it’s much better to be, oh dear DS, you didn’t like that so we don’t do it again, but your safe it’s only a slide, look DB is having lots of fun on them and you might like it better when your bigger’