Upset by DH’s ‘misjudgment’ aka lack of common sense

[Tothink]

We went to a waterpark today for the first time with our two sons (aged 2&4).

DS1 (eldest) is much more water confident than DS2 and doesn’t mind going down the slides, getting hair/eyes wet etc. DS2 a lot more apprehensive and even looks too small for the slides.

At one point DS1 wanted to go down the biggest slide (it was a fully closed tunnel slide which went from the top of the waterpark down to the bottom. It had various bends and turns. DS1 went down it fine. DH took him up there (quite a way up), he carried DS2 with him but I assumed he would walk back down the steps to the bottom once DS1 had entered the slide. But no… I saw him lower DS2 into the slide and I went slightly ballistic from the bottom, trying to shout up and signal to him ‘NO!’. He obviously did it any way. He put DS2 in the tunnel and off he went.

I waited right at the bottom for DS2 to appear. I waited. I waited. I started to fucking panic like there is no tomorrow and then I hear him screaming ‘mama, mama’. And truly in that moment my whole body went to absolute jelly. He is a very small 2 year old and was clearly terrified, stuck alone in this fully closed long ass tunnel.

To clarify, there’s no water going through the tunnel obviously, I mean it’s wet in there due to wet swimwear going through it but no stream of water. However, it’s the mere fact that I couldn’t see him, but I could hear him screaming for me.

Then he stopped screaming for me and I panicked even more. Lifeguards all came over but didn’t actually know what to suggest because DS2 had obviously gotten stuck somewhere in the tunnel and seeing as he is only 2, he didn’t really know to keep sliding himself down. Nobody could slide down it and get him because apparently it was too risky (if they went down too fast they could bang into him).

He eventually came out, shaking like an absolute leaf. It honestly felt like ages. The screaming made it worse but then the silent parts were even worse than that.

Furious at DH and feeling so shaken by it.

This slide had no water in it. OP said so in her posts.

OP your DH misjudged it. Clearly your DS2 was happy to go down as they say there and went. They got scared halfway down but were in no actual danger. Your DH feels bad for misjudging.

Now unless you’re willing for DH to give you the silent treatment for ages next time your DS ask to do something and then get scared halfway through (it’ll happen!) then I think you need to move on.

I know plenty of 2yos who would love this sort of thing and plenty of 8/9yos would would have had a full on panic halfway down like your DS2 did.

If he met the height requirements and he wanted to go then i think youre being a bit dramatic. You can say DH should have known better, because he should know his own child. But this is really just an error in judgement and honestly, nothing happened.

He got stuck, its not like he flew down a super crazy, dangerous slide and fell out or something. He simply got stuck.
you could have just called to him to slide himself forward.
I understand that you were worried for your child, but sometimes its important to stay calm for them and show them its not actually that bad.

Where on earth is this waterpark? I have been to several over the years with toddlers and young children and I don’t know of any that allow young children to go down without an adult. I’d be writing to the park.

Absolutely.

Stunned at some of the arseholery on this thread.you are not dramatic, id say its a standard response.
I would be beyond angry

1.He misjudged it.

1. Ignored you telling him to stop
2. Then DARVOed you post fact with the "you traumatised him by not forcing him back in to the water to shake it off"

Children do drown and die - as highlighted upthread. They can also be very susceptible to secondary drowning.

I would sit him down when the dust has settled and have a serious talk covering the following

• you need to engage your brain and assess risk.
• you ignored me thats not okay and you need to promise never to do it again re childrens safety. If you disagreed we could have discussed it. Ds2 didnt "need" to go down the slide there and then.
• if something serious had happened to our child in those circs would you honestly be able to live with yourself and know it was a pure accident? And do you think I would know it too? And do you think our marriage would survive it?
• I accept this was a one off misjudgement if you cant change and there's an ongoing pattern of behaviour I will leave you.

I'm sure i'll be told I'm dramatic for suggesting that but hey ho... opinions are like arseholes ... everyone's got one

OP, will you please give details of the park/slide? I think lots of us are very curious to see it.

For those suggesting toddler goes down on an adults lap - that can't actually be worse and children have had their legs broken by people doing this..

OP it was obviously scary for you - however logically your so was never in danger. So I wouldn't be super mad at DH

There was a lifeguard (or supervisor?) at the very top, he was chatting to DH. He didn’t stop DH from sending DS down, although probably because he did meet height restrictions. This is where I disagree with their policy though (and will be getting in touch with them). It needed an age restriction, it’s more about their maturity and ability to calmly keep shimmying down (should you come to a halt), than it is height.

DH did apparently ask if DS could go on his lap but that wasn’t allowed, and this was clearly stated on a sign, like all the slides.

I don’t think I’m being over the top at all. I didn’t show DS a crazy amount of panic. I just took him straight out, got him dressed and took him to reception for his lunch. But my fury towards DH isn’t going any time soon. He was way too little and inexperienced to take on the biggest slide there and a tunnel slide of all the things.

Worried about DS being fearful of the water now but I suppose I will have to slowly reintroduce it without DH there with his ‘misjudgments’. I couldn’t have taken him back to the pool after the slide incident when the poor baby was shaking.

He does sound contrite though, and it's hardly DARVO if half of us agree with his assessment that she made it worse.

Agree with others that given your son was big enough to go on the slide and wanted to do so DH was not massively in the wrong here. He should probably have taken DS2 down on his lap, but hopefully lesson learnt. It must have been awful hearing DS shout for you when he was stuck but your reaction was hugely over dramatic and will have made your son think the whole thing was worse than it really was.

Okay so not only did your partner do this with effectively sanctioned by a lifeguard, you are completely changing your story about how you acted because of the pushback you are getting here.

I would now rather take my kids to the swimming pool with her DH than with OP for sure.

I think the DH made a mistake of judgement but the kid wanted to go down the slide and met the height requirement. The slide was dry with mum stood at the bottom - there was no real risk of harm present.

DC got stuck which is scary for them but the parents need to just encourage him to scoot himself along a bit and stay calm then go and play elsewhere in the shallows.

OPs reaction is way over the top and unnecessary and will have scared the child more. OP should have met the child at the bottom with a smile and a hug and a "well done, you got yourself out!"

DH was a dick about the tunnel but he was right about taking him straight out of the pool. Son has now learned that swimming pools are terrifying places and the only way to deal with scary things is to avoid them.

Start talking to DH again, you both made bad decisions and the last thing either of your kids need is parents who aren’t talking to eachother.

Ffs don't get in touch with them about their age restriction and ruin it for everyone else just because your DH lacks judgement and you're a drama queen. My 2 yo would love something like this. You're the reason they have hot warning labels on microwave food 😑

cross posted below with OPs recent update. I’d still raise with the water park then

I’m sort of a bit confused by this too. Having worked at a waterpark as a lifeguard during Uni Summers (albeit a few decades ago) this is a very strange set up for the slide!

-Full height of the waterpark yet no water to ensure people don’t get stuck?
-The biggest slide in the waterpark yet no lifeguard at the top staggering patrons down it?
-A height restriction of, say 80cm allowing young children down the biggest slide (usual height restrictions are 1.2m or 8 years for large slides)?

I think this does sound awful for your boy OP but tube slides with no water down it are usually only a few metres high if the height restriction was that low so if it is as you say I’d be bringing this up with the park as they are going against safety guidelines

Was this abroad? because all the places I’ve took grandkids to in the uk ,would not let a 2 year old on a slide like that.

For those saying OP sounds too dramatic - well yes, she’s used a lot of hyperbole in her description of her feelings to us, but that doesn’t mean she stood there ranting and raving in front of the child. The only things I can see that she did was shouting NO to her husband (and if it was as high as he said and he did it anyway, chances are he didn’t hear her, so DS probably didn’t either) and that she took him out to wait in reception.

She is completely justified in feeling the emotions she described - however I do agree that if she was falling apart from the trauma in front of her children, then perhaps she needs to consider the impact this can have.

All of that, though, is a distraction from the main point: DH did something that has shaken her trust. It was stupid in hindsight. Really stupid. But unless you want to have to be the responsible parent 100% of the time, you’ll have to talk to him about it and find ways to rebuild the trust.

I also am intrigued by the slide!

So husbands are not allowed to rely on safety guidelines from the pool, an actual lifeguard and their own mind, but must refer to their overly dramatic wives lest they are stupid?

Give over.

Oh this is a different story. Your husband tried to take your son down on his knee? Your son wanted to go? Your original post made it sound like he’d thrown him down against his will.

You are in the wrong on both counts. You need to find a way to get over yourself, your response is far more damaging then getting stuck in a slide

Absolutely this, totally different story now. So dad is checking things over with the lifeguard, asks to go down with him, lifeguard (rightly) says no thats unsafe so dad puts him down the slide (which sounds like a normal slide, no water in it) and ok, the child and dad overestimated what they could cope with, it happens, move on.

All these posters who would be raging, fuming, name calling the dad. This is how you collaboratively parent and work together is it? Is this how situations get reviewed and learning for next time is it?

Most of us make mistakes like this, we misjudge something, its normal, human and resolveable.

By taking him out, you have solidified and reinforced that fear. Good luck getting him back into a pool, ever again.

@Lillers thank you! I don’t know why people are obsessed about my reaction as a worried mother. Regardless of any restrictions/policies etc DH is his father and sent him down a huge enclosed tunnel despite him being apprehensive even on the tiny slides. It was an obvious thing not to do and did result in DS getting stuck.

I’m missing the part where I said that… I said he couldn’t hear her. I said he did something that has shaken her trust. I said it was really stupid in hindsight. All of those things are accurate because: he couldn’t hear her; she doesn’t trust him now; in hindsight, it was a stupid decision to have made based on how it went for the child.

If it is a one-time thing, like your husband is usually quite good at assessing danger and just today he had a lapse of judgement, then, well, you know... even the best of them sometimes have a moments of profound teenagehood, and that is all thanks to their biology. Do sit him down and give him a statistics chart of accidents that happen to small children on waterslides.
My husband did a couple of things like those too when he was a more inexperienced parent. I sat him down and gave him an extensive descrpition of what was going to happen to his genitals if he was ever going to be responsible for my kids having major accidents due to his negligence.

So husbands are not allowed to rely on safety guidelines from the pool, an actual lifeguard and their own mind, but must refer to their overly dramatic wives lest they are stupid?
Give over.

Yep - that's correct - when the husband in question has the common sense of a root vegetable.

You give over