Upset by DH’s ‘misjudgment’ aka lack of common sense

[Tothink]

We went to a waterpark today for the first time with our two sons (aged 2&4).

DS1 (eldest) is much more water confident than DS2 and doesn’t mind going down the slides, getting hair/eyes wet etc. DS2 a lot more apprehensive and even looks too small for the slides.

At one point DS1 wanted to go down the biggest slide (it was a fully closed tunnel slide which went from the top of the waterpark down to the bottom. It had various bends and turns. DS1 went down it fine. DH took him up there (quite a way up), he carried DS2 with him but I assumed he would walk back down the steps to the bottom once DS1 had entered the slide. But no… I saw him lower DS2 into the slide and I went slightly ballistic from the bottom, trying to shout up and signal to him ‘NO!’. He obviously did it any way. He put DS2 in the tunnel and off he went.

I waited right at the bottom for DS2 to appear. I waited. I waited. I started to fucking panic like there is no tomorrow and then I hear him screaming ‘mama, mama’. And truly in that moment my whole body went to absolute jelly. He is a very small 2 year old and was clearly terrified, stuck alone in this fully closed long ass tunnel.

To clarify, there’s no water going through the tunnel obviously, I mean it’s wet in there due to wet swimwear going through it but no stream of water. However, it’s the mere fact that I couldn’t see him, but I could hear him screaming for me.

Then he stopped screaming for me and I panicked even more. Lifeguards all came over but didn’t actually know what to suggest because DS2 had obviously gotten stuck somewhere in the tunnel and seeing as he is only 2, he didn’t really know to keep sliding himself down. Nobody could slide down it and get him because apparently it was too risky (if they went down too fast they could bang into him).

He eventually came out, shaking like an absolute leaf. It honestly felt like ages. The screaming made it worse but then the silent parts were even worse than that.

Furious at DH and feeling so shaken by it.

I think I'm normally quite chilled but I cannot believe some people here think it would ever be ok to put their 2yo on an enclosed slide at a waterpark that runs from the top of the waterpark down to the bottom, and is full of twists and turns. Wtf. You must have been beside yourself. I can't imagine how frightening that must have been for your son, stuck and crying for you.

Whilst this is 100% your husband's fault, I think you should write to the water park and ask them to review their rules - it can't be right that a toddler could get stuck in such a big ride with no way of getting them out. I'm sorry this happened to you both.

Bloody hell - what was the man thinking of?? Sending a 2 year old down a long, covered slide in a water park on his own suggests a complete lack of critical thinking skills, and anyone attempting to defend it because 'different opinions' (completely predictable because this is MN) is as stupid as him. I'd be furious too.

I agree with others that it's probably worth writing to the park and asking them to review their approach. I hope your DC is ok and that you're feeling a bit less shaken soon.

I'm really surprised that there wasn't an age limit in addition to the height limit; it sounds like both are needed. I can appreciate that it was a (huge) misjudgment as well as a difference in ideas about child raising (he seems to have a very old fashioned shock-them-out-of-their-fear approach while yours is more contemporary) but why can he not apologise and admit fault for the harm that he can clearly see has been done to you and to DS2, rather than focusing on the weird fringe idea that YOU scarred him even more by rushing out of the pool ? I'd be angry about that for a bit, I think.

If that’s the case they usually do height and age. OP your reaction makes me think your son is learning all this fear from you. It’s not a bad thing to be challenged and I also agree it doesn’t add up that it was this super massive scary slide if he met the height requirements.

Apoplectic with rage 🤣 oh my, seriously get a grip!

OPs explanation was extremely dramatised and, I’m sorry, clearly is very biased to her own point of view. MNetters seem to lose critical thinking skills when it’s a woman v man issue.

I would have been furious for my husband to have put my child in that situation (but my husband would have been mortified too!).
Tunnel slides are particularly scary for some children, my eldest has only started to go into small ones when you can see the exit at 3. He would have been hysterical in that situation .

That said, he had clearly assessed the danger properly. The slide was suitable for a 2 year old (one who isn't scared of tunnel slides), there was no water or other danger to be worried about. Your level of panic was not warranted, and it's not helpful to your children and did nothing to help in that situation.

Don’t be so daft. We’re raising a generation of children who are scared of their own shadow - it’s vital to have balance when dealing with incidents like this. Children learn fear from us.

No we don't squirell...

I am surprised that such a young child met the height restrictions - but there often is a problem with small kids on long shallow enclosed slides. They don't have the weight to hit required velocity and often stop.

I think signs should warn you of this and encourage adults to take toddlers on their lap. It does sound like dumb decision for DH - but I also think you should have minimised and stayed in pool.

"DS2 looks too small for the slides" but he met the height requirement for the slides. This sounds like you are projecting your fear. Honestly i think that you over reacted. It doesn't ring true that the slides was full of twists and turns and a 2 year met the height requirement.. I have no doubt that it was a horrible moment for you and you were feeling terrible when he stopped mid slide.

I tend to find a lot of people have too much faith in height restrictions without considering the maturity of their child. Height and age restrictions are better.

Don't be ridiculous - there is no balance here. Balance would be going down the slide with the 2 year old to help build his confidence.

How could you, in all fairness possibly know that? Highly subjective assessment.

Yes, and caution and joy and grit and perseverance but not in a dark tunnel at two.

On the aftermath I guess people have a different view of what 'comforting' a child looks like. I think you acknowledge that was scary but emphasize you are fine, and you were very clever and brave and solved the problem. So well done , let's go and play in the shallows.

I don't see how saying 'oh my god - what a trauma, we must leave this place of danger' is comforting.

so this wasn’t a ‘water slide’ as there was no water flowing, but a normal slide that ended in a pool, where you were waiting? And your child met the height requirements for the slide? And wanted to go?

sorry, I can understand that he got stuck and scared but I can also see how your husband made the choice, and would possibly have done the same thing myself. By creating a fuss and taking your son away you have reinforced the idea that something dangerous and scary happened. He wasn’t in any actual danger because the lifeguards seem to have stopped anyone else from sliding down, so all you had to do was call to him to push himself down (which I assume you did do, as he’s out now.

i can see how your husband might have made a different choice, and that your kid got stuck and scared, but I would not have reacted the way you did. By panicking and removing your kid, you took a learning opportunity and turned it into a ‘look how scary the world is’ lesson. Comfort the kid at the end of the slide, explain they weren’t in and danger and then distract by going back into the pool etc.

My now ex dh ( it still took a few years for me to realise he was a total twat ) once took one of our dc at a very young age down a very large drop slide .
I looked up at it , and he sort of dangled her over the edge before letting go for her to fall down the drop , it felt like I was watching him throw her off a building . It was terrifying .

Massive misjudgement on your dh’s part, but the think you’d have been better staying in the water with him rather than taking him out, this was more about your feelings then your son’s, but I also get why you took him out

Also, please don’t take toddlers on your lap on slides, it’s easy for third legs to get stuck and bones to break. Far safer for them to go down on their own.

Not always - and evidently not in this case.

I don't think you're over reacting at all, I'd be fucking livid!! How horrible for you and your boy. Your husband is an idiot 😔

Unbelievable, unbelievable.
What an idiot.
What if child was stuck in the tunnel? But there should have been a guard at the top or very clear sign saying ''no children under 5'' or whatever age is ''safe'' etc.

Nobody can say whether your reaction was justified without actually seeing the slide. Given the facts (he was tall enough, the slide didn’t have a lifeguard at the top, no water in the slide) it would seem it would be OK for a two year old and it’s up for parents to assess whether their individual children would handle it.

While I can understand you being upset by your son taking a long time to come out and hearing him cry for you, your reaction does seem like the kind of thing that will reinforce his fear. As parents, sometimes when we have had a fright, we need to put on a brave face for our kids to help them be resilient. Saying something like, “That was a bit scary wasn’t it? But you made it down! Well done, you’re very brave!” Then moving onto the next thing, “Do you want to do [something he has already enjoyed] again?” And move on.

This^