How to tell my friend who lives in Saudi to stop bloody patronising me!

[SomeLikeitSnot]

My friend lives in KSA with her family and LOVES it. Loves having a live in maid, pool on site, glitz and glamour. Great- v happy for her! Shes in the UK over summer visiting and we are seeing her a lot and shes driving me INSANE.
Shes taken on this real 'aw poor you stuck in UK its sooo hard here' mentality and I find it so grating. I have no inclination to move to Saudi/the middle east and her acting like Im jealous of her life is becoming so tiresome.
When we are chatting she will keep saying 'sorry I'll stop going on about the sun and lifestyle it must be hard to hear!' when I honestly couldnt care less. Sounds great for her and I love the stories- I also love the UK countryside/weather/culture/all our friends and family. I think she feels me prickling and thinks is jealousy.
I remember from visiting friends in the UAE everyone is v anti-UK and thinks its a shithole and theres a real feeling of people 'escaping' to the ME but I really don't mind it here and I want to say something to cut out the comments.
She is a friend so I wont want to make a sarky comment about womens rights/death penalty etc just a 'please stop feeling sorry for me, I dont want your life'!

Works for me and the 100’s of British families arriving every week. To earn good money doing interesting jobs with people who are experts in their fields.

I assume you know all about life here and have lived experience.

Good for bloody you

https://www.theguardian.com/world/2007/nov/17/saudiarabia.international

I’d be inclined to say what I think - next time she’s bragging about Saudi and feeling sorry for you, I’d reply “Oh no, it’s my idea of hell but I’m pleased you’re happy there.”

It’s a few second advert for hotels.com.

I'd be replying 'I couldn't give a shit to be honest mate so save your breath for more important topics of conversation. More wine?'

Well if she's got to keep banging on about it, it does smack a bit of 'the lady doth protest too much!' You could not PAY me to live in the UAE. I bet her live-in maid is paid fucking peanuts, and treated like shit.

Anyone who is proud and braggy about living in a place that is massively anti-gay, and hideously misogynistic would be ghosted by me pretty sharpish. Why on earth are you friends with this woman @SomeLikeitSnot ??? She sounds hideous!

I remember a woman I used to go to school with. (Caroline.) We lost contact at around 20 y.o. and found each other 15 years later on Friends Reunited. She had moved to Australia, and she kept emailing me with photos of her pool, and her 'massive garden' and her big villa, (with her and her DH and DS sunbathing outside,) and her exact words were 'I am sending you these pics to make you jealous.'

I was like ??? I said 'why would I be jealous? I love living in the UK.' She messaged back and said 'ha ha, yeah right.. OK then. 😆' I was like

She said 'Australia is brilliant, it's the best place on earth. Been here 4 years now, and feel sorry for anyone stuck in that shithole the UK.'

I thought 'I don't remember her being this much of a cunt when we were teenagers...'

Long story short, I didn't message her again, and she didn't message me back either... Then about a year and a half later, I saw her sister, and she told me that Caroline was back in the UK now, after around 5 and a half years in Australia, and was staying with her mum while she found somewhere to live. (Her and her DH and 10 y.o. DS.) I said 'oh why is she back?' Her sister said 'I think she'd prefer me to not discuss it. Sorry...'

Australia was not so shiny after all eh Caroline?! As I say, if you have to keep going on about something, who are you trying to convince?!

You literally couldn't pay me enough money to even visit Saudi/Dubai. It looks horrific to me (and I love to travel).

I’ve been around a few different ex pat groups in ME and Asia due to family & friends moving away and they all talk about how great their lives are vs UK life and how lucky they are. They have a Daily Mail perception of UK — crime ridden, unsafe, etc.

Their lifestyle is not for me at all, I love a walkable European city and am v happy in UK. I do think a lot of them struggle to understand this POV. Though most of the people I have met have been a certain type. Quite materialistic and uncultured and politically unaware.

I’ve experienced this and I used to live in a neighbouring country. Let’s just say as soon as I fell pregnant I came home ASAP.

Woman do not have many rights at all in these countries. I hear almost daily the horror stories of friends and ex colleagues whose children are travel banned and they can’t leave.

I do often find myself missing the glitz and glam of it all. At least over here I have my freedom, even if the weather is shit and life is more dull in general.

The only things I do miss is the amazing healthcare and low crime rate.

Next year - I wouldn't have her to visit so much if at all

It's boring and not very enjoyable

Dubai is all fur coat an nae knickers imo 😂

I don’t agree she’s trying to convince herself, it’s just arrogance.

There’s nothing new in this. Back in the 80s people going out to the Middle East and Asia were the same. It was a way of having a elite, moneyed life, having staff, lots of travel. Women didn’t work and had full time nannies, The snobbery of the ex-pat crowd followed them when they returned after retirement, very rich. No one cared about the situations for locals then either, it was indeed a great opportunity to get rich and enter a different social sphere.

You might have to accept this is just her now.

No way would I even go there as a tourist. I don't spend my money propping up the economies of countries with appalling human-rights records.

It’s amazing how people are willing to compromise on human rights for a fancy life. Does her maid have a fancy life? Or is your friend complicit in human rights abuses? Built by destroying the local environment and funded by fossil fuels- who wouldn’t want to live there?! Me!

I’d just start to ask her about her maid!
What nationality? Does maid have kids? Does she have her own passport in her own possession? What does she pay the made? Does that include sickness? What about holidays? Does she pay into a pension for the maid?
etc etc…
that’d be quite telling on just who is living the perfect lifestyle and how.

Yep, agree

I don't think I'd say anything barbed or sarky, I think I'd simply say: I'm glad you love it, I prefer to live in the UK.

But I suppose if you have gone so far as to emigrate, you really must have an issue with the UK. So that's her!

I would frankly rather be whipped with a rotten kipper than set foot in Saudi or any of the Emirates. Last bastion of the British chav with notions.

I mean, I probably agree, but the UK has no fur coat or knickers.

🤣

Yeah it is sad her maid is Philippino and has children of her own the youngest is 1. I’m sure my friend is nice to her and treats her well (she has holiday when my friend is in the UK) but she works 6 days a week long days usually. I think she pays about £800/month which seems very little for full time live in help but is standard.

Oh, so the food, the scenery, the religion, the politics, the locals who are either fabulously wealthy or work for a pittance as servants, the all-pervading issues with LGBTQetc & women's rights - and, as it turns out (and a whole new reason for me to not want to go there), the expats.

MY friend moved there with her husband who is a hospital consultant.
To be fair she did find it so much easier having 4 kids she had a live in maid and child care, cook etc.
It meant that having young children was so much easier for her. They do ensure that pay and work conditions are good.

I have a friend who used to live there. The horror stories she told me would ensure I’d never step foot there if you paid me to live there.

It's pitiful when expats who are nobodies back in the UK just love having a maid about the house, and brag about it!