How to tell my friend who lives in Saudi to stop bloody patronising me!

[SomeLikeitSnot]

My friend lives in KSA with her family and LOVES it. Loves having a live in maid, pool on site, glitz and glamour. Great- v happy for her! Shes in the UK over summer visiting and we are seeing her a lot and shes driving me INSANE.
Shes taken on this real 'aw poor you stuck in UK its sooo hard here' mentality and I find it so grating. I have no inclination to move to Saudi/the middle east and her acting like Im jealous of her life is becoming so tiresome.
When we are chatting she will keep saying 'sorry I'll stop going on about the sun and lifestyle it must be hard to hear!' when I honestly couldnt care less. Sounds great for her and I love the stories- I also love the UK countryside/weather/culture/all our friends and family. I think she feels me prickling and thinks is jealousy.
I remember from visiting friends in the UAE everyone is v anti-UK and thinks its a shithole and theres a real feeling of people 'escaping' to the ME but I really don't mind it here and I want to say something to cut out the comments.
She is a friend so I wont want to make a sarky comment about womens rights/death penalty etc just a 'please stop feeling sorry for me, I dont want your life'!

Yes OP you should ask her if her maid has days off or access to her passport...

well I am not sure why she is a friend if she is soooooo annoying and patronising but if you want a polite(ish) response, I'd be saying "its a good job we are all different" and then firmly changing the subject. Rinse and repeat.

Does she really live in Saudi, or in an immigrants' compound/ghetto?

Maybe the friendship has run its course, OP. If someone starts acting like she is, and saying what she's saying, doesn't it put you right off her? I'd start being less available until she gets the message. Who cares if she thinks you're jealous?

Honestly, I wouldn’t want to be friends with someone who boasts that the country they live in has such severe in equality that it allows them to pay someone so little to be a live-in maid that they can afford all these other luxuries. Saudi is a deeply problematic country, and if I wasn’t aware of this and benefitting off other peoples suffering I’d want to know that.

This wasn’t really what you were looking for, but it aggravates me when people talk about how amazing Saudi is when the only reason we have it worse is because we at least try to shorten the gap between the working class and the rich.

This.
Often observed this with people who are insecure about their choices.

I would probably make the snarky comment about human rights and the oppressive society. I’ve done similar with a friend who won’t stop banging on about her holidays in UAE and how people are stupid for still travelling in Europe when her holidays are so much better.

Yes! Is she married to a Saudi? Recent thread on here about a poster whose H was cheating and lots of eye opening posts about the dangers of being s Western wife with children in a ME country. KSA was mentioned specifically as having to get employer’s permission to leave the V country!!!!!! (Had to google KSA - didnt know then that was Saudi)

I'd just say 'Gawd, it sounds awful. Not my cup of tea at all. I'm just not into that kind of lifestyle, architecture and weather, and I don't agree with a lot of the ways women are treated.
So yeah, it is indeed a bit tedious that you keep droning on about it. If I wanted to move there, I already would have.'

Then hopefully she'll get the message.

I think she's trying to convince herself to. I can only speak for myself as someone who has moved overseas a long way from home. You never really feel a complete sense of belonging. I love my new country, In laws,.life but it's not home and these are not really 'my people '. When I come home to visit I also feel like I don't quite belong. I see my friends and family but their lives have moved on and everything is same but different. It can really be an emotional rollercoaster. Maybe she deals with it by telling herself how much she loves her new life.

I would t argue with someone who lives in a country I’d never visited about what it’s like there.

I couldn’t mince my words if someone was waxing lyrical about the delights of such a repressive country. I’d be saying I don’t want to live under Sharia law or a dictatorship thanks.

Do you or your friend not have any gay or lesbian relatives or friends?

“She’s trying to convince herself”

This. She is likely depressed, lonely and feeling terribly claustrophobic. If nothing else terribly bored. I speak from direct experience. Sounds like she’s desperate to convince everyone including herself she made the right decision. She more than likely hates it.

Do you or your friend not have any gay or lesbian relatives or friends?

I think she like lots of people glosses over those parts of Saudi... She takes great pride in her maid having 1.5 days off a week, having her passport and being 'part of the family' rather than exploited... Husband also british! Yeah reading some replies its hard isnt it we were really close growing up and perhaps I just need to be honest otherwise I can feel myself pulling away.

@tinydynamine she lives in a compound but I think almost all ex pats do? Shes NOT an immigrant shes an EX PAT

I've never been to Afghanistan or North Korea or Belarus (insert many other places also), but I sure as heck would argue with someone who thought it was a wonderful place to live and who kept going on and on about how jealous I must be.

I’ve learned that no one is arsed about where you’ve moved to. I do address misconceptions if people ask direct questions.

She sounds awful.

Except Dubai and Saudi are nothing like each other. I speak from direct experience.
And main thing most people go there for is a well paying job and career opportunities.

Tell her that SA is a hellishly hot labour camp for those who couldn’t hack it in their field in their home country, and who are so totally uninterested in learning a new language, integrating with a new culture etc that they’ve chosen to live somewhere where it’s impossible.

Just tell her that you would love to visit Saudi one day as a tourist but there’s no chance in hell that you would live there.
At least this is the way I - and almost everybody I know - feel about the Middle East.

That was my thoughts!
I think truly happy people don't need to showcase it, she's probably not too sure about Saudi in her heart.

I'd say something like:

"I know you're enjoying yourself over there but when you openly compare it to the UK it comes across as patronising and some of the comments imply you're pitying me for living here. Just because you prefer Saudi Arabia doesn't mean the UK is worse, I really enjoying living here and don't enjoy the sun or middle eastern lifestyle like you do. I'm happy to hear your stories but it would be nice if you could stop being so disparaging about the UK. Not everyone wants to live elsewhere."

"Sandra my love, it's not hard to listen to your accounts of life in Saudi, it's just getting a tiny bit boring now. Perhaps you aren't aware of how much you gush about it?"

I was just thinking - ask her if she holds her maid’s passport, like a lot of Saudis

I was wondering this. I lived in Saudi for years. I enjoyed it for the most part! But it does sound like she's never left her compound.