How to tell my friend who lives in Saudi to stop bloody patronising me!

[SomeLikeitSnot]

My friend lives in KSA with her family and LOVES it. Loves having a live in maid, pool on site, glitz and glamour. Great- v happy for her! Shes in the UK over summer visiting and we are seeing her a lot and shes driving me INSANE.
Shes taken on this real 'aw poor you stuck in UK its sooo hard here' mentality and I find it so grating. I have no inclination to move to Saudi/the middle east and her acting like Im jealous of her life is becoming so tiresome.
When we are chatting she will keep saying 'sorry I'll stop going on about the sun and lifestyle it must be hard to hear!' when I honestly couldnt care less. Sounds great for her and I love the stories- I also love the UK countryside/weather/culture/all our friends and family. I think she feels me prickling and thinks is jealousy.
I remember from visiting friends in the UAE everyone is v anti-UK and thinks its a shithole and theres a real feeling of people 'escaping' to the ME but I really don't mind it here and I want to say something to cut out the comments.
She is a friend so I wont want to make a sarky comment about womens rights/death penalty etc just a 'please stop feeling sorry for me, I dont want your life'!

Not in the slightest bit defensive or whataboutism. Just see the total hypocrisy in the sanctimoniousness. "How terrible and exploitative to employ someone if you live abraod if not on the same employment conditions of your home country". Totally nuts and nonsensical.

It doesn't matter whether you directly employ or not, you're still benefiting if you use any products or services from counties which pay less than the uk....

I employ a maid who is a national of the country where I live so she's not any more "vulnerable" that anyone else. She can leave and seek a better post at any time. Of course I don't pay her the same wages as I would in the UK (duh, I wouldn't expect a Swiss family to pay Swiss wages in the UK either) and i have no reason to do so since that wouldn't be reflective of local wages or the cost of lviing here but she does well in the local market for someone who only went to primary school - she's on same wages as a nurse or teacher who would need degrees ( and good for her)

Wow did you just go to Dubai and sit in her house? To say there is nothing to do there is bloody ridiculous, to be frank! It’s not too hot all year round, there are lovely days in autumn, winter and early spring to walk in the parks and round the old town, as well as hundreds of other things, there is just so much to do, you clearly never went out and about exploring it all!

I know someone who lived near me
and moved to Saudi with her family and has a maid. A frank chat with her mother one day revealed that the family treat the maid like shit, including the kids. Not in a withhold the password way, but she does everything for them and they expect the world whilst on a very basic pay. It’s really sad. I didn’t expect that of her. But apparently it’s very common so people just fall into it. The mother wasn’t happy with her daughter at all!

I lived abroad in two countries for a while, hated it, couldn’t wait to come back. I wouldn’t switch jolly old Blighty for all the sun in the world. Yeah we have problems c but so does every other place, you just don’t realise till you live somewhere!

Just Tell Her......

The lady doth protest too much. She probably hates being locked up in an expat compound, and just feels the need to bang on about it to make everyone think she’s having a wonderful time.

Next time she prattles on about it, just list the downsides of living in Saudi Arabia. Of which there are plenty.

Or you could suggest an activity like swimming, running or cinema so they can’t talk anymore 😂

Many of those maids in KSA are Filipinos. We used to visit relatives in Hong Kong which also had a lot of Filipino maids and I will never forget walking past an agency shop window advertising maid services. So many of the maids were highly educated with university degrees as well.

Our relatives told us it was common not to give maids a bed of their own to sleep in and they would sleep on the stairs or under the dining table.
Sundays they’d have a day off but would be locked out of the house. We saw a huge group of them sitting on cardboard in the shopping centre just passing time.

UK definitely has it's advantages and I love it but they are becoming fewer and fewer. You don't need to go to Dubai to see it.

The UK is a becoming a shit hole, we have quasi Marxist Labour party who love immigrants, transsexuals, benefits claimants and criminals running the country. The last lot were absolutely useless, abysmal, somehow this lot are even worse.

I had maids with degrees, but it's questionable what the quality of that degree is. I frequently had to explain that sponges used to clean bathroom surfaces should not be used in the kitchen etc.

Never needed a live in one and wouldn't want one anyway but I understand that some of them are treated badly compared to the UK but very well compared to where they came from.

That would drive me batty.,just tell her how she makes you feel.be honest.you can say what you need to say nicely...like "honestly I am so happy you love it in Saudi,I genuinely don't think the lifestyle would suit me and my family,please don't feel the need to feel sorry for me,I don't care to live there,I am happy here"

Why do you think women can't swim, run or go to the cinema in Saudi? I've done all 3.

I think @Wolfpinkola means that they do those activities here to stop her talking. 😂

Sure, you keep on telling yourself that. It's utter nonsense, but I guess it helps you sleep at night. 🙄

Telling myself what? You have no logical argument so you just go to snide comments. I volunteer in a slum community just a few km from where I live (in addition to my full time job and the fact I have time to volunteer is partly due to having a maid) and what I see there keeps me up at night, certainly not my maid who is well taken care of, treated with respect and appreciation and provided with decent employment. You really don't know what you're talking about since, as you say, you've never had the opportunity to actually employ someone.

'Quasi Marxist Labour party'! Behave! Unfortunately, this is probably the least left wing Labout government there has ever been.

It's obvious that only a government slightly to the right of Hitler would meet your requirements. People with a moral compass will always pay maids and nannies a living wage, even in countries who don't have minimum/living wage legislation but the sort of people that move to KSA and other Gulf states are the sort of people who will always try and pay 'the help' as little as possible.

I can't imagine anything worse than being confined to a fenced base, just to be allowed the right to wear what I wish or simply be deemed a citizen as a female, all of which is free in the UK. Saudi is one of the worst for this. Step outside of the base and you have to be completely covered, not speak, walk behind your husband... No thank you. My friend hated it and left, despite the money.
Having lived elsewhere, albeit more westernised, in the Middle East, I'm not dismissive of the luxuries it brings and I loved where I lived. The people were wonderful, the country was so varied in culture and I'd go back if times were different in the area
I think your "friend" is struggling with how restricted she actually is, despite the luxurious life she's depicting and the jealousy is actually her projecting onto you.
As others have said, is she a friend if you have to bite your tongue?
Maybe ask her if she's really okay.

To me she sounds as if she's trying to convince herself. I'd tell her straight, friends are supposed to be honest with each other.

Ask her if she would consider giving up her British citizenship and taking a Saudi citizenship since she loves it so much there? 😁

Why are you actually friends with her? She sounds revolting.

I would, absolutely, be making comments about human rights. It's an appalling regime.

She would drive me nuts. Just ask her whether she's been invited to a porta potty party yet.

Or a discussion on the price of a beer, bacon and a prom sausage

Eh? Not once in 7 years did I have to walk behind my husband. The abaya hasn't been compulsory for the last 7 years. And I was never confined to the compound I lived in. Suggest you get your information elsewhere. Like from someone who's actually lived there.

I think lots of people did to be fair but didn't realise how much Saudi changed in recent years. The changes are massive considering such a short time span.

My DH worked in the middle east for quite a lot of his working life, usually 2-3 month trips. We agreed quite early on that, in addition to the unbearable heat, it was not a place to live or to bring up a family. Personally I would have hated it.
Most ex-pats do eventually come home and find it hard to live without the expensive accommodation, swimming pools, household help and so on.

My friend and her family did live there. That is what happened to her and her daughter (who was five at the time, so even more ridiculous she was made to follow the strict rules). No offence is meant, this is what I was told by someone who had experienced it all first hand.
I apologise if what I was told is not your experience, nor commonly practiced today. But that happened to them and has happened to other women.