How to tell my friend who lives in Saudi to stop bloody patronising me!

[SomeLikeitSnot]

My friend lives in KSA with her family and LOVES it. Loves having a live in maid, pool on site, glitz and glamour. Great- v happy for her! Shes in the UK over summer visiting and we are seeing her a lot and shes driving me INSANE.
Shes taken on this real 'aw poor you stuck in UK its sooo hard here' mentality and I find it so grating. I have no inclination to move to Saudi/the middle east and her acting like Im jealous of her life is becoming so tiresome.
When we are chatting she will keep saying 'sorry I'll stop going on about the sun and lifestyle it must be hard to hear!' when I honestly couldnt care less. Sounds great for her and I love the stories- I also love the UK countryside/weather/culture/all our friends and family. I think she feels me prickling and thinks is jealousy.
I remember from visiting friends in the UAE everyone is v anti-UK and thinks its a shithole and theres a real feeling of people 'escaping' to the ME but I really don't mind it here and I want to say something to cut out the comments.
She is a friend so I wont want to make a sarky comment about womens rights/death penalty etc just a 'please stop feeling sorry for me, I dont want your life'!

How long ago did your friend move there? Money and good weather aren’t everything (unless that’s all she disliked about the UK) so at some point the shine will wear off. Everywhere has its bad points. my sister moved to a highly desirable country, makes loads of money, has a nanny, sun shines every day etc. but there are still plenty of ways that England would be better for her in the future.

But I do tend to find people who think the UK is awful seem to think everyone thinks that way and they don’t realise some of us can live a modest life, enjoy the countryside and find plenty to be happy with. As I read in a book recently “wherever you go, you take yourself with you” so if you’re a miserable git here you might eventually become a miserable git somewhere else (not calling your friend a miserable git, but I know a few!)

Next time she’s anything just laugh and say I wouldn’t live there if you paid me I don’t like how they treat people that should shut her up. You don’t need her pity so tell her.

It's not difficult. You just say, 'I like living here.'

She might be claiming she has an amazing life but I bet she doesn’t. It’s one of the most oppressing countries for women. I doubt she leaves her house.

Tell her to change the bloody record. It’s boring and annoying for her to constantly bang on in this way, as well as downright rude and patronising. Why on earth would you want to move there if you’re happy here? Tell her, go on, I dare you! I’d stop her and say ‘Becky, stop. You’re on and on about how great it is, but I’m totally disinterested in living there.’ Add in lack of women’s rights/the rape case/lack of freedom/bloke who was done for accidentally bumping into other bloke/amount of migrant workers that have died on building sites etc.

Ask her how plans for the miles long linear city is going and how she feels about the reports that people have been executed because of their reluctance to leave their ancestral land. The UK is not perfect but at least no one was killed by a company trying to build HS2.

Not even their chocolate? 😆

She doesn't sound like a nice person; nice people don't play one-upmanship or wish that their friends were jealous of their lifestyle, or ned a maid to feel superior. I'd make this her last visit.

I'm Asian and Muslim. No way I'd ever move there. To be treated as second class citizen becuase I'm not white. It's a segregated life out there. I have no idea how other Asians go out to the ME living it up when they see their country folk treated so disgustingly by the country you're happily living in. It's amazing what you can turn a blind eye to when you're earning good money

Life would be easier if we all had servants - shocker

100 per cent this

I live abroad in a very British expat heavy country in the Caribbean and you do get some people like your friend. They are as exhausting to us here as they probably are to their friends in the UK.

Genuinely, there are Brits here who I cannot have a conversation about the UK with, without getting a speech about how awful it is. I can't say I miss my mum or how much my toddler enjoyed running around the parks in London without it going into the weirdest and most frustrating exercise in UK bashing you've ever heard.

Those same people always have a bigger issue though - they're either (1) desperately unhappy here and trying to convince themselves they're better off or (2) have HORIBBLE or non-existing relationships with family in the UK and they're running away from it.

Most people of course are just somewhere in the middle. They miss home but also recognise what a good lifestyle they have here etc etc.

Perfect response. Do a little laugh after if you must but she needs to know it's a genuine answer ha.

As always first post nails it. 'Friends' don't want to make other friends jealous or envious and it appears your 'friend' didn't get that memo. Even though you aren't jealous. I would have to tell someone if they were a friend what I really thought which would be 'I would not step foot in that corrupt, inhumane, misogynistic, homophobic, transphobic hell hole for all the money in the world!'. Some people are materialistic and other people have morals. You take the moral high ground OP because you most definitely have it in this situation.

if you value her friendship just talk to her. She may love it there, she might be fronting it out, no one here knows but I do know that the route to preserving the friendship is not passive aggressive jibes about the treatment of women of the rights and wrongs of having a maid. If you don’t give a shit, jibe away, there’s much to jibe about. You’d have to drag me kicking and screaming to KSA.

I worked for a few months (international placement, wouldn't have actually moved there permanently) in Bahrain in the early 90's and much as it's really not the same, you get a flavour of the expat, tax free life. It's pretty disgusting and I think you'd have to be very shallow to love it. These days I won't go to any country where women are treated like that. FGM is an abomination.

I'm sorry OP but I could not be friends with someone who would exploit another human being like this. I wouldn't be able to sleep at night if I was her. It makes me sick.

I grew up in Saudi and no way in Hell would I take my family there. Best friend lived in Dubai for a few years and yes her husband earned a lot of money but she didn't like seeing so many older men with younger girlfriends in glitzy bars (prostitutes) Its potentially a great place to live for a while to earn mega bucks but its far away from ageing parents, cousins extended family etc. You kind of sell your soul living in the desert....

You’re not allowed to publicly read a Bible in Saudi Arabia. You might not have a pool and a slave-maid, but you have your freedom.

Aaarghhh!!!! That hideous stuff filled with snot droplets?

<runs away screaming>

The misconceptions being thrown about this thread by people who know nothing about life there is crazy.

Of course people leave their houses. We live near a lovely park. Every evening whole families come out and have picnics and let the kids play. Me and DH like to do a lap of the block most evenings to catch up on our day. We see the same families and couples enjoying some down time. we chat to them in our crap Arabic. People visit shops, parks and sports facilities. Just like anywhere else. cycling and hiking is a big thing here in the winter months. There is a real focus on health and wellbeing with lots of free activities and facilities.

I’ve got to know a lovely older lady who I see most days. She goes for her solo power walk about 6pm after the sun goes down she also helps me with my crap Arabic. Her granddaughter (Saudi) is training to be a pilot for Riyadh Air.

My husband’s PA is a highly educated and intelligent Saudi woman. She attends work trips with him , sometimes overseas. Never been an issue that she is female.

I work alongside males in my job again my sex is not an issue.

There is a dynamic of western women who do get sucked into their expat bubbles. These tend to be SAHM’s whose life revolves around school and their kids. Husbands tend to have jobs in the PIF

I’m not expecting people to understand or support why we choose to live there. I don’t judge people for choices in their personal lives. and would expect the same courtesy in return

Just like the preconception that the UK is full of daily fail fodder. There have been some very lazy misconceptions thrown about on this thread.

Just say no it’s not upsetting for me to hear, I love your stories. I wouldn’t choose to move there myself but I’m interested in hearing about it and I’m glad you are happy.

At work if I’m having a bad day (very stressful role that involves a lot of sad things- public services) I love to look at peoples holiday pics on my lunch break or hear about a new puppy or a baby or anything happy. I don’t want a baby or a puppy or to necessarily go on a holiday but I just like to hear people’s happy news to cheer up the day. An engagement, a wedding, anything like that. I don’t know why she thinks you wouldn’t.

I could never live in a country where women are second class citizens and journalists are brutally murdered for criticising the ruling elite.
you couldn’t pay me to visit it even.

Saudi was my least favourite trip when I was cabin crew. I’m glad I no longer fly and never have to go near the place ever again. Hated it.

Well I’ve trained police officers from the UAE ( well the male officers because the females weren’t allowed to come.). They had a lovely time drinking and gambling every night. The policing side…. Meh. Let’s just hope no one’s a victim of crime.

The UAE ranks 7th on the International slavery index and Saudi rates 4th so while I hear all these comments about how marvellously safe it is for everyone I know how much misery is being caused to certain members of the community. So no I don’t care how well you treat your maid and how much money you make.