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Original poster

How to tell my friend who lives in Saudi to stop bloody patronising me!

306 replies

SomeLikeitSnot · 04/08/2025 16:21

My friend lives in KSA with her family and LOVES it. Loves having a live in maid, pool on site, glitz and glamour. Great- v happy for her! Shes in the UK over summer visiting and we are seeing her a lot and shes driving me INSANE.
Shes taken on this real 'aw poor you stuck in UK its sooo hard here' mentality and I find it so grating. I have no inclination to move to Saudi/the middle east and her acting like Im jealous of her life is becoming so tiresome.
When we are chatting she will keep saying 'sorry I'll stop going on about the sun and lifestyle it must be hard to hear!' when I honestly couldnt care less. Sounds great for her and I love the stories- I also love the UK countryside/weather/culture/all our friends and family. I think she feels me prickling and thinks is jealousy.
I remember from visiting friends in the UAE everyone is v anti-UK and thinks its a shithole and theres a real feeling of people 'escaping' to the ME but I really don't mind it here and I want to say something to cut out the comments.
She is a friend so I wont want to make a sarky comment about womens rights/death penalty etc just a 'please stop feeling sorry for me, I dont want your life'!

OP posts:
BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 04/08/2025 19:13

Can you patronise back a bit? "I'm so looking forward to autumn, it's my favourite time of year with the beautiful leaves and comfortable temperatures. Oh sorry, I probably shouldn't mention that in front of you. <snigger>"

Or "I wonder if we'll have a white Christmas this year, I can't imagine a hot Christmas it just seems all kinds of wrong to me"

coxesorangepippin · 04/08/2025 19:13

Give it back to her

Extreme heat, pitiful human rights record and modern day slavery??

I'd rather have a wet week in Cleethorpes thanks Deborah

WellIquitelikesprouts · 04/08/2025 19:16

I think I would keep replying that I'm very glad she's happy but that I've never been attracted to living in that kind of environment and isn't it interesting how different people are in what they want out of life; I have a friend who spends all her spare time down potholes and a neighbour who is a railway enthusiast... broaden it out a bit.

coxesorangepippin · 04/08/2025 19:16

'it's not just about the money'

It's only about the money. That's what it's based on. It's based on oil. It's based on profit.

itsgettingweird · 04/08/2025 19:17

pennypans · 04/08/2025 16:33

She's trying to convince herself

Was my first thought too.

What does she do?

she has a maid. Where does she go freely? Especially as most stuff is on compounds which is where people stay.

I would say “keep talking about it as much as you like - the more you do the more convinced I am that living in the UK is actually great”.

Account734 · 04/08/2025 19:19

"She is a friend so I wont want to make a sarky comment about womens rights/death penalty etc just a 'please stop feeling sorry for me, I dont want your life'!"
I would say this. She sounds beyond annoying and if she's trying to pretend it's all sunshine I would highlight that it is not. I would never choose to live there because of women's rights and I wouldn't hide that.

To me it does sound like she is pretending though, I find people who are truly happy don't feel the need to go on and on about it. They just glow.

MrsGuyOfGisbo · 04/08/2025 19:19

Honestly, all these wisecracks about how UK is better are really missing the point. Just don’t play the game. See less of her (because she is actually boring).

Wadadli · 04/08/2025 19:21

SomeLikeitSnot · 04/08/2025 18:04

Do you or your friend not have any gay or lesbian relatives or friends?

I think she like lots of people glosses over those parts of Saudi... She takes great pride in her maid having 1.5 days off a week, having her passport and being 'part of the family' rather than exploited... Husband also british! Yeah reading some replies its hard isnt it we were really close growing up and perhaps I just need to be honest otherwise I can feel myself pulling away.

@tinydynamine she lives in a compound but I think almost all ex pats do? Shes NOT an immigrant shes an EX PAT Grin

“… she lives in a compound but I think almost all ex pats do? Shes NOT an immigrant shes an EX PAT ”

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Fragmentedbrain · 04/08/2025 19:22

Don't really understand how a woman could be smug about living Saudi

"Yay I'll get arrested if I spend time in a room with a man I'm unrelated to living the damn dream"

Velmy · 04/08/2025 19:22

Ask her how she feels bout their attitude to dismembering journalists.

NanFlanders · 04/08/2025 19:22

NowYouSee · 04/08/2025 16:25

next time she says “it must be so hard to hear” I would look a bit baffled and say “no, not at all Jane, I’m delighted you’re enjoying it but it wouldn’t be for me.”

Perfect!

Account734 · 04/08/2025 19:22

slightlydistrac · 04/08/2025 16:29

Funnily enough, adult DD and I were having a conversation about Dubai yesterday, and we both came to the exact same conclusion. There is absolutely nothing there that either of us could possibly want, and all the things that people choose to go there for are things that we would avoid like the plague.

My friend lived there for over a decade and was always asking me to go on holiday and see her and I would have free accommodation. Absolutely no chance, I have no desire to ever go. The place just screams materialism and exploitation to me.

NanFlanders · 04/08/2025 19:23

NowYouSee · 04/08/2025 16:25

next time she says “it must be so hard to hear” I would look a bit baffled and say “no, not at all Jane, I’m delighted you’re enjoying it but it wouldn’t be for me.”

Perfect!

HappyNewTaxYear · 04/08/2025 19:24

DJSteves · 04/08/2025 16:32

I live in Saudi. Love the money and the job. Can’t beat the UK for music culture and humour. All my good Saudi pals come from my part of the UK. I love coming home, but will be happy to go back. You can have the best of both.

Left your principles at Heathrow eh 😉

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 04/08/2025 19:24

Or even keep congratulating her bravery when she boasts "I would be missing home so much, good for you for putting such a brave face on your situation".

Borracha · 04/08/2025 19:25

I would ask her why she comes to the UK every summer if she loves KSA so much.

Shmithecat2 · 04/08/2025 19:28

slightlydistrac · 04/08/2025 18:56

Except for them both being in the Middle East and funded by oil riches, governed by people of Middle Eastern Islamic heritage, surrounded by thousands of square miles of either desert or sea water, and with unrelenting hot sunshine nearly all year round I can't imagine why anyone would think they are remotely similar.
Dubai isn't a country, I'll give you that.

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They're still really different. Have you actually been to both places?

slightlydistrac · 04/08/2025 19:31

Notmyreality · 04/08/2025 19:12

That’s like saying Britain and France are the same because they are green, have mountains and and and…
Ive lived in both and the experience is very different between the two. But you crack on with your ignorant views.

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It isn't anything like comparing Britain & France with one another. The two countries don't even speak the same language for one thing.

You are missing the point by a country mile, so you crack on with your lack of comprehension skills. In any case, the conversation I had with my DD was about people who express a desire to go to Dubai on holiday, and we both said it was about as far from our cup of tea as it is possible to get.

slightlydistrac · 04/08/2025 19:33

Shmithecat2 · 04/08/2025 19:28

They're still really different. Have you actually been to both places?

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No. I haven't been to Barbados or Cuba either, but I'm pretty sure I could have a good stab at what the climate is like in both.

Shmithecat2 · 04/08/2025 19:33

Thanksman · 04/08/2025 18:59

Can you direct me to any videos showing the insides of a compound please? Tried looking on YouTube but they invariably involve someone talking about themselves.

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I lived there for a while. Its a pretty good video.

- YouTube

Enjoy the videos and music that you love, upload original content and share it all with friends, family and the world on YouTube.

https://youtu.be/qybo7pDcCG4?si=nbzI2gqHIT3NOHVZ

Unconvinced8768 · 04/08/2025 19:34

I think I would say ‘I’m glad it’s working for you. Ideologically it’s definitely not for me’ and leave her to to

Shmithecat2 · 04/08/2025 19:36

itsgettingweird · 04/08/2025 19:17

Was my first thought too.

What does she do?

she has a maid. Where does she go freely? Especially as most stuff is on compounds which is where people stay.

I would say “keep talking about it as much as you like - the more you do the more convinced I am that living in the UK is actually great”.

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I could go freely anywhere I wanted to 🤷‍♀️

BotterMon · 04/08/2025 19:37

What does she do all day? Sounds as if she's really trying to convince herself.

I'd just tell her to STFU and stop being so bloody rude about where you live.

Shmithecat2 · 04/08/2025 19:37

Fragmentedbrain · 04/08/2025 19:22

Don't really understand how a woman could be smug about living Saudi

"Yay I'll get arrested if I spend time in a room with a man I'm unrelated to living the damn dream"

I spent plenty of time in rooms with men that weren't my husband. Never got arrested.

Shmithecat2 · 04/08/2025 19:39

slightlydistrac · 04/08/2025 19:33

No. I haven't been to Barbados or Cuba either, but I'm pretty sure I could have a good stab at what the climate is like in both.

Edited
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You weren't just talking about the climate though.