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Original poster

Absolutely bemused by this and also feeling a bit stupid

491 replies

Crazylittlethingcalledpeople · 02/08/2025 21:35

This makes me sound like a total idiot but never mind.

I encountered a woman on mumsnet about four years ago who was experiencing a similar situation to me. She DM’d me and we communicated back and forth for a while before swapping numbers and moving to WhatsApp.

Ive seen her posts on mumsnet since - so who knows, she might see this!

Anyway, we have messaged back and forth on and off for the last four years. Sometimes not in touch for a couple of months, other times every day. She’s painted a fairly chaotic situation in her personal life and mine hasn’t been plain sailing.

We’ve never actually spoken on the phone in this time which I guess is weird but I hate the phone 🤣

Anyway, she then suggested finally meeting up for a meal and a drink - she lives about 3 hours from me - but she said she would drive nearish to me and stop over. I sent her a link for a hotel and booked somewhere for dinner and then we planned to have a few drinks.

So yesterday she messages to say what time she’s leaving. She keeps me updated with where she is and the time she should arrive. I head over at roughly the time she is expected… she messages to say she’s just parking her car and I walked over to the restaurant to wait for her.

And… that was it. I waited for twenty minutes and then tried to call her - went to answerphone. Then nothing on WhatsApp was delivering and it was clear she must have blocked me. I waited forty minutes in total in case (unlikely) her phone had lost charge, delayed checking in etc but absolutely nothing. I’m also blocked on her fb.

It must be one of the most bizarre things to ever happen to me.
She’s never asked me for money or anything weird… I mean clearly she never set off or had the intention of meeting me… but literally five minutes before blocking me she said ‘I’ve arrived.’

My brain is really like 🤯 because I can’t see why she’d bother all that time and then suggest meeting and then - ghost me?

So if she is reading this - it’s fine, I went and met some friends but it’s just weird! And I can’t make head nor tail of it! I guess I’m also a little freaked out because I would have said she was a friend and I can’t understand what she got from this? For all of it I’d like to know she’s ok.

OP posts:
healthybychristmas · 02/08/2025 23:20

There's absolutely no excuse for this. She's behaved in such a creepy and cruel way.

healthybychristmas · 02/08/2025 23:20

There's absolutely no excuse for this. She's behaved in such a creepy and cruel way.

Original poster
Crazylittlethingcalledpeople · 02/08/2025 23:21

JLou08 · 02/08/2025 23:18

Given you've never spoken on the phone maybe she seen a dodgy looking man and panicked thinking she had been set up. As soon as you said never spoke on the phone my mind went to thinking you could be walking into something dangerous.

But surely she’d phone me? It was a very public place - I don’t think this is the case at all. Plus she knows what I look like so would have seen ME! There wasn’t anyone else stood where I was, although plenty of bars etc around me.

OP posts:
Duckswaddle · 02/08/2025 23:21

I also think she just didn’t want to do it on the day for whatever reason but didn’t want to be honest about it. Conflict avoidance.

kerstina · 02/08/2025 23:21

There are some odd threads on MN tonight. Finding this one of them , hard to believe but I guess the woman could have mental health issues.

Original poster
Crazylittlethingcalledpeople · 02/08/2025 23:21

Also I did suggest a call before we met but she made a rubbish excuse (looking back) and then we were meeting anyway so I left it.

OP posts:
WeightLossGoal2024 · 02/08/2025 23:22

This is so strange. I’ve listened to a couple of podcasts about catfishing and some of the interactions have lasted years. It’s so bizarre.

Does this person have your real life information such as DOB and address?

I am sorry you’ve been through this

ChristPleaseJustStop · 02/08/2025 23:22

afaloren · 02/08/2025 21:54

Omg what if she’s reading this.

What if she is? Are you always this dramatic?

Original poster
Crazylittlethingcalledpeople · 02/08/2025 23:23

kerstina · 02/08/2025 23:21

There are some odd threads on MN tonight. Finding this one of them , hard to believe but I guess the woman could have mental health issues.

I’m also finding it hard to believe!
ive been wtf for the last 24 hours.

My brain can’t work it out at all.

OP posts:
healthybychristmas · 02/08/2025 23:23

Given the way she has behaved, I think you have had a narrow escape.

Original poster
Crazylittlethingcalledpeople · 02/08/2025 23:23

WeightLossGoal2024 · 02/08/2025 23:22

This is so strange. I’ve listened to a couple of podcasts about catfishing and some of the interactions have lasted years. It’s so bizarre.

Does this person have your real life information such as DOB and address?

I am sorry you’ve been through this

No, she knows the month of my birthday and the town where I live. But she doesn’t know my address.

OP posts:
DontTouchTheCakeAgain · 02/08/2025 23:23

Sorry OP, but this sounds like some creepy little man with halitosis who lives in his Mums basement, with nothing else to do than think up crazy threads (I bet on all kinds of forums) to add some drama and attention to their sad little life.
You’ve been catfished, but you’re still the winner in this situ.

Cannongoose · 02/08/2025 23:24

It sounds, in every respect, like multiple cases on the Catfish tv show (though that’s usually people faking a love interest using fake (copied) photos etc). They make SM profiles and so on.
Id be wondering if this person just spends a lot of time making stuff up and when people “bite” they feel noticed in a comfortable way father do they just carry it on..
How very unsettling

BUMCHEESE · 02/08/2025 23:26

I think in Sweet Bobby it goes on for 8 years and they were in an actual "relationship"! Wild, but obviously it happens.

LittlleMy · 02/08/2025 23:26

Whats really freaky if it were me is that one of the posts empathising with you could be her! Asking you Qs about what you did next, how you feel etc could be a like a weird game to them 😬. It’s not me though honest or… No haha truthfully it isn’t but on the plus side you weren’t out of pocket like if you’d been the one that had offered to drive to hers and then paid for a hotel to boot! And I would be upset as it’d feel like having lost a ‘real’ friend I imagine.

Original poster
Crazylittlethingcalledpeople · 02/08/2025 23:31

LittlleMy · 02/08/2025 23:26

Whats really freaky if it were me is that one of the posts empathising with you could be her! Asking you Qs about what you did next, how you feel etc could be a like a weird game to them 😬. It’s not me though honest or… No haha truthfully it isn’t but on the plus side you weren’t out of pocket like if you’d been the one that had offered to drive to hers and then paid for a hotel to boot! And I would be upset as it’d feel like having lost a ‘real’ friend I imagine.

Edited

True!

That’s why I won’t link her previous post, tempting though it is!!

It is weird, because we’ve supported each other (I thought) and empathised and it felt like a friendship.

I guess I was naive.
If she’d asked me for something - money, photos whatever - it would have raised a red flag, but she never did.

OP posts:
zanahoria · 02/08/2025 23:33

It is odd and extremely unpleasant but my guess it is just someone who can communicate online but has difficulty making friends in real life.

Best forgotten.

HAL200 · 02/08/2025 23:36

I would have to do some sleuthing if I was you and call the hotel she was meant to be staying in, explaining what happened and if they could confirm somebody of her name was staying there as you are worried as she didnt turn up.

WonderfulWoman · 02/08/2025 23:37

People online are just weird. Some get kicks out of pretending to be someone they’re not or they like the thought of ghosting someone and forever being a mystery.

I wouldn’t trust anything anyone says on MN. Let alone want to meet up with them.

Original poster
Crazylittlethingcalledpeople · 02/08/2025 23:38

HAL200 · 02/08/2025 23:36

I would have to do some sleuthing if I was you and call the hotel she was meant to be staying in, explaining what happened and if they could confirm somebody of her name was staying there as you are worried as she didnt turn up.

I doubt they will do that because of confidentiality. I would think they wouldn’t confirm details of guests. I did nearly go in last night and ask if they had her reservation but thought I might appear insane so I didn’t. Also I was humiliated a bit.

OP posts:
JoeTheDrummer · 02/08/2025 23:38

I bet you’re not the only person s/he has done this to. Some people are just very strange!!

Original poster
Crazylittlethingcalledpeople · 02/08/2025 23:38

WonderfulWoman · 02/08/2025 23:37

People online are just weird. Some get kicks out of pretending to be someone they’re not or they like the thought of ghosting someone and forever being a mystery.

I wouldn’t trust anything anyone says on MN. Let alone want to meet up with them.

No, I agree.

But it was FOUR years of regular contact - that’s a long time.

OP posts:
Booboobagins · 02/08/2025 23:40

We have someone in our events group who for several events said she'd bought a ticket then never rocked up. We got worried about her cos tickets arent cheap.

Anyways by the 4th time, I messaged her on our chat and saud if dhe couldnt make it abc was after a ticket. She didnt tell me but she admitted to one of the group admins that she hadn't bought a ticket.

She finally came to a festival and had asked one of the group to get to hers by x time - they didn't cos their travel plans changed (luckily) cos she then rocked up 3 hours late.

Unless something terrible happened to her, it sounds like you found a game player....

Jandapanda · 02/08/2025 23:43

I think she may have chickened out in the last moment to meet the person from internet who knows her personal situation. Most people coming here sharing personal stuff but remain unknown. To share personal things and then let that person into your real life is a reverse situation that might have scared her as she doesn't know you that well. Maybe she called her family or close friend to let them know she arrived ok and they advised her not to go through with it as you are a random stranger from internet and could be catfish yourself with mean intentions. It is odd but I can only think of 'panic' as her reason due to oversharing personal stuff?

Bulldog01 · 02/08/2025 23:45

I think you had a lucky escape!
This person could be anyone? Sorry, I would not trust anyone, not even relatives!
There are some very nasty people out there, it sounds like this person could be just an imposter, a fraud, or someone quite sinister. Hopefully you are not too
upset by being messed about? It's hurtful, when you find out, that the person you trust enough to stay in a hotel with, thinks it's ok to treat people like this!

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