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Original poster

Absolutely bemused by this and also feeling a bit stupid

491 replies

Crazylittlethingcalledpeople · 02/08/2025 21:35

This makes me sound like a total idiot but never mind.

I encountered a woman on mumsnet about four years ago who was experiencing a similar situation to me. She DM’d me and we communicated back and forth for a while before swapping numbers and moving to WhatsApp.

Ive seen her posts on mumsnet since - so who knows, she might see this!

Anyway, we have messaged back and forth on and off for the last four years. Sometimes not in touch for a couple of months, other times every day. She’s painted a fairly chaotic situation in her personal life and mine hasn’t been plain sailing.

We’ve never actually spoken on the phone in this time which I guess is weird but I hate the phone 🤣

Anyway, she then suggested finally meeting up for a meal and a drink - she lives about 3 hours from me - but she said she would drive nearish to me and stop over. I sent her a link for a hotel and booked somewhere for dinner and then we planned to have a few drinks.

So yesterday she messages to say what time she’s leaving. She keeps me updated with where she is and the time she should arrive. I head over at roughly the time she is expected… she messages to say she’s just parking her car and I walked over to the restaurant to wait for her.

And… that was it. I waited for twenty minutes and then tried to call her - went to answerphone. Then nothing on WhatsApp was delivering and it was clear she must have blocked me. I waited forty minutes in total in case (unlikely) her phone had lost charge, delayed checking in etc but absolutely nothing. I’m also blocked on her fb.

It must be one of the most bizarre things to ever happen to me.
She’s never asked me for money or anything weird… I mean clearly she never set off or had the intention of meeting me… but literally five minutes before blocking me she said ‘I’ve arrived.’

My brain is really like 🤯 because I can’t see why she’d bother all that time and then suggest meeting and then - ghost me?

So if she is reading this - it’s fine, I went and met some friends but it’s just weird! And I can’t make head nor tail of it! I guess I’m also a little freaked out because I would have said she was a friend and I can’t understand what she got from this? For all of it I’d like to know she’s ok.

OP posts:
Original poster
Crazylittlethingcalledpeople · 02/08/2025 23:00

I can’t remember her username! She changed it every thread. I can remember the content and a rough idea of dates, in fact the latest one I saw was June and I have just been trying to find it.

Id not tag her though because I don’t want to inflame the situation because I am unsettled by it. Like really quite unsettled.

OP posts:
Toseland · 02/08/2025 23:01

Are you male?
Where did you wait?
That's so odd.
Once my Mum and Aunt decided to meet outside the entrance to Selfridges in the 60s. Both waited for a while then bumped into each other in the street. There was more than one entrance.

Nonnonnon · 02/08/2025 23:02

How strange and creepy.

Original poster
Crazylittlethingcalledpeople · 02/08/2025 23:04

No I’m a woman.
I don’t think she could have missed and wouldn’t she have called me if there was a problem?
Also she BLOCKED me seconds after sending the ‘I’m here’ message.

OP posts:
Original poster
Crazylittlethingcalledpeople · 02/08/2025 23:06

I mean from the I’m here message to me giving up was 40 minutes. I did wait in case of some extremely, extremely unlikely issue with her phone that happened to kick in just as she said she arrived.

OP posts:
Nursingadvice · 02/08/2025 23:07

You said you were friends on Facebook. Do you have photos of your children on Facebook?
Also, I know you said she had 72 friends on Facebook but that’s easy to achieve by just adding fandoms. Did she have many photos? Much interaction, comments etc? It’s usually easy to spot a fake account if you know what to look for.

Nachoinseachthu · 02/08/2025 23:07

I think this is one of the strangest things I’ve read on Mumsnet.

Firstholiday · 02/08/2025 23:07

@Crazylittlethingcalledpeople are you a man?

GreatBigShaz · 02/08/2025 23:08

Did you speak to anyone else while you were waiting or did anyone try to speak to you?

Lifelifelife21 · 02/08/2025 23:08

I'm going to go against the grain here as I think it's more likely to be an intense social anxiety thing rather than something more sinister.

For those of us who don't have that issue - myself included - it can be hard to imagine why anyone would do something like this. But I was talking to a friend earlier today who keeps having an online 'friend' cancel / ghost in similar ways. And she's definitely not being catfished. A mutual friend even said years before that despite them being very close, when she popped in on this lady once she had such a freak out that she snuck out the back door and abandoned her friend alone in her own house without any explanation. So these people do exist!

I think she was comfortable with you as an online friend, wanted to take that leap and meet but when she arrived she couldn't go through with it and panicked and blocked you to avoid having to deal with the situation she'd created.

DurinsBane · 02/08/2025 23:08

Commenting in case you get an answer!

Berlinlover · 02/08/2025 23:09

Don’t feel stupid, you’ve done nothing wrong.

Original poster
Crazylittlethingcalledpeople · 02/08/2025 23:09

Firstholiday · 02/08/2025 23:07

@Crazylittlethingcalledpeople are you a man?

Nope. I am definitely a woman!

OP posts:
GarlicLitre · 02/08/2025 23:10

Something almost identical happened to me donkey's years ago. People are stranger than we know! Other forum users kindly pointed out that I had done something very helpful for her over the years, making time to support and validate her in ways that she needed. By way of return, I felt I was valuable to her at a time when my self-worth was really poor.

She felt she was ugly 🙁 It's possible she decided she couldn't face inflicting her 'ugliness' on a new situation, who knows? She vanished from the forum for a while, then a new user turned up with a very similar writing style - she was incredibly articulate; 2025 Mumsnet would accuse her of being an AI!

Anyway, happy to hear it didn't spoil your day, OP.

Absolutely bemused by this and also feeling a bit stupid
Original poster
Crazylittlethingcalledpeople · 02/08/2025 23:10

Lifelifelife21 · 02/08/2025 23:08

I'm going to go against the grain here as I think it's more likely to be an intense social anxiety thing rather than something more sinister.

For those of us who don't have that issue - myself included - it can be hard to imagine why anyone would do something like this. But I was talking to a friend earlier today who keeps having an online 'friend' cancel / ghost in similar ways. And she's definitely not being catfished. A mutual friend even said years before that despite them being very close, when she popped in on this lady once she had such a freak out that she snuck out the back door and abandoned her friend alone in her own house without any explanation. So these people do exist!

I think she was comfortable with you as an online friend, wanted to take that leap and meet but when she arrived she couldn't go through with it and panicked and blocked you to avoid having to deal with the situation she'd created.

I mean that’s kind of the most reassuring explanation.
Im not sure though. She didn’t strike me as being socially anxious in the stuff she told me.

She was going on numerous Match dates… that doesn’t suggest anxious.

OP posts:
Original poster
Crazylittlethingcalledpeople · 02/08/2025 23:11

Nursingadvice · 02/08/2025 23:07

You said you were friends on Facebook. Do you have photos of your children on Facebook?
Also, I know you said she had 72 friends on Facebook but that’s easy to achieve by just adding fandoms. Did she have many photos? Much interaction, comments etc? It’s usually easy to spot a fake account if you know what to look for.

Profile virtually blank tbh.

I guess this should have been a warning to me.
I now can’t get on it.

OP posts:
Clafoutie · 02/08/2025 23:13

TheFinePrintess · 02/08/2025 22:55

@Foreverm0re they could be anyone of the PPs on this thread… I mean it’s easy AF to change your username on MN.
Infact you could be her/him… or I could!
jesus that’s given me the right willies thinking about it

Show quote history

I know, right? Someone apparently not on this thread ( or on it with a different name) has just agreed with a comment I made, and immediately I’m thinking, is it that person who stood the OP up?! Creepy!

Nursingadvice · 02/08/2025 23:14

Crazylittlethingcalledpeople · 02/08/2025 23:11

Profile virtually blank tbh.

I guess this should have been a warning to me.
I now can’t get on it.

Show quote history

I would then assume that they had suggested moving over to Facebook to ‘reassure’ you and make you feel a bit more comfortable. As we tend to feel more comfortable once we put a face to a name and someone seems traceable. But it seems likely that Facebook profile was fake based on what you’ve said.

My worry is that it’s a man, and possibly they have had access to your Facebook photos etc. I’d report to mumsnet if you can find any usernames.

isitme111 · 02/08/2025 23:16

Haven't rtfl but on reading your first post OP I immediately thought of the real life documentary called Sweet Bobby which was about someone who had been catfished. People do it for some bizarre reason.

Original poster
Crazylittlethingcalledpeople · 02/08/2025 23:16

I’ve found the last thread I saw of hers. I think there were other threads because some people referenced them in their replies.

OP posts:
Original poster
Crazylittlethingcalledpeople · 02/08/2025 23:17

I mean the details in that thread are exactly the same as what she was telling me.

So either she thought I might see it or she was posting the same stuff here for whatever reason or it was true.
But it’s a long thread and she replies multiple times…

OP posts:
JLou08 · 02/08/2025 23:18

Given you've never spoken on the phone maybe she seen a dodgy looking man and panicked thinking she had been set up. As soon as you said never spoke on the phone my mind went to thinking you could be walking into something dangerous.

summertimeinLondon · 02/08/2025 23:18

Lifelifelife21 · 02/08/2025 23:08

I'm going to go against the grain here as I think it's more likely to be an intense social anxiety thing rather than something more sinister.

For those of us who don't have that issue - myself included - it can be hard to imagine why anyone would do something like this. But I was talking to a friend earlier today who keeps having an online 'friend' cancel / ghost in similar ways. And she's definitely not being catfished. A mutual friend even said years before that despite them being very close, when she popped in on this lady once she had such a freak out that she snuck out the back door and abandoned her friend alone in her own house without any explanation. So these people do exist!

I think she was comfortable with you as an online friend, wanted to take that leap and meet but when she arrived she couldn't go through with it and panicked and blocked you to avoid having to deal with the situation she'd created.

Yeah, I thought that was a more likely explanation too: she wanted to back out due to anxiety/social issues/whatever, but felt she couldn’t do went along with the narrative that she was on her way until it was too late. She might genuinely have meant to go or meant to come up with a better excuse and then couldn’t, for whatever reason.

More likely IMO that she suffers from some kind of social anxiety or similar issue that she’s embarrassed about and doesn’t want to explain, so has got herself into a scrape pretending she was going to meet you, than that she’s been crafting some weird long con.

HoratioBum · 02/08/2025 23:18

isitme111 · 02/08/2025 23:16

Haven't rtfl but on reading your first post OP I immediately thought of the real life documentary called Sweet Bobby which was about someone who had been catfished. People do it for some bizarre reason.

This was the first thing I thought of as well!

Daintydino · 02/08/2025 23:19

I’m veering towards she chickened out but was too embarrassed to tell you.

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