Absolutely bemused by this and also feeling a bit stupid

[Crazylittlethingcalledpeople]

This makes me sound like a total idiot but never mind.

I encountered a woman on mumsnet about four years ago who was experiencing a similar situation to me. She DM’d me and we communicated back and forth for a while before swapping numbers and moving to WhatsApp.

Ive seen her posts on mumsnet since - so who knows, she might see this!

Anyway, we have messaged back and forth on and off for the last four years. Sometimes not in touch for a couple of months, other times every day. She’s painted a fairly chaotic situation in her personal life and mine hasn’t been plain sailing.

We’ve never actually spoken on the phone in this time which I guess is weird but I hate the phone 🤣

Anyway, she then suggested finally meeting up for a meal and a drink - she lives about 3 hours from me - but she said she would drive nearish to me and stop over. I sent her a link for a hotel and booked somewhere for dinner and then we planned to have a few drinks.

So yesterday she messages to say what time she’s leaving. She keeps me updated with where she is and the time she should arrive. I head over at roughly the time she is expected… she messages to say she’s just parking her car and I walked over to the restaurant to wait for her.

And… that was it. I waited for twenty minutes and then tried to call her - went to answerphone. Then nothing on WhatsApp was delivering and it was clear she must have blocked me. I waited forty minutes in total in case (unlikely) her phone had lost charge, delayed checking in etc but absolutely nothing. I’m also blocked on her fb.

It must be one of the most bizarre things to ever happen to me.
She’s never asked me for money or anything weird… I mean clearly she never set off or had the intention of meeting me… but literally five minutes before blocking me she said ‘I’ve arrived.’

My brain is really like 🤯 because I can’t see why she’d bother all that time and then suggest meeting and then - ghost me?

So if she is reading this - it’s fine, I went and met some friends but it’s just weird! And I can’t make head nor tail of it! I guess I’m also a little freaked out because I would have said she was a friend and I can’t understand what she got from this? For all of it I’d like to know she’s ok.

Maybe… seems unlikely though.
She portrayed herself as very outgoing. I mean this might not have been true I suppose.
Also I check out. She could have looked me up professionally and found me.
Surprisingly enough 🙄 she had a very common surname which made finding anything about her hard.

If you still have the photos of her, do a google image search and see if it’s been used elsewhere. If she or he has used photos from another persons page then this will give you your answer.

it’s a bizarre thing to do to someone. some people are very strange.

Oh and I wasn’t stopping with her. I was going home after the dinner and drinks. We did suggest possibly having a coffee in the morning before she drove home if time. But we never arranged to be in the same hotel.

How utterly bizarre.

OP, if you're fairly certain this person never set off on their journey in the first place - so that every update to you including "just arrived" was a lie, I would think it quite likely she has lied to you about other things. Possibly even most of the details about her life have neen a lie. Because it would never occur to most people to lie in their text messages about turning up like that, so I can only assume she habitually lies about everything in her life and the "journey" to meet up with you was no exception.

It would make me uneasy too. But as others have said, it's not your fault for taking someone at face value. It's her/his fault for being creepy.

done this. Did this before I arranged to meet her and nothing.

This leads me to think it was a man the whole time. Sorry OP.

Do you have a partner or someone else that can look at her facebook? Send a whatsapp?

@Crazylittlethingcalledpeople Don’t mean to make light of your situation, but it would kinda be the prefect ending to this thread if it turns out to be a reverse.

I don’t know why everyone is assuming this person is a man. My sister has behaved like this soooo many times. She’s crazy. Women can be crazy.

Maybe she had an accident between the car and the hotel...not really... but beware that she might pop up again with some sob story in the future.

Yes I agree and I think the op would have had s sense she was talking to a man in 4 years.

A man that got cold feet

Maybe it was your sister?!

Unfortunately for me it isn’t 🤣

She does it to people from real life, lol but who knows I haven’t spoken to her since she did it to me - maybe she’s gone online!

The only thing I can think of is this woman enjoyed the attention of ditching you and being a mystery... But that's kinda bizarre

That's so so weird. I can see why you're unsettled.

I'm going to vote extreme social anxiety so well. Just because she seems outgoing in your messages it doesn't mean she doesn't have social anxiety. I come across as very together and outgoing but get social anxiety (and you're only judging on her messages, not real life). It is extreme to do that though.

A guy I used to know once did that to a friend on her birthday, saying he was a few minutes away then just not turning up... we never heard from him ever again so have no idea why! People can be weird.

well she’s the one it’s reflecting badly on - if she’s reading…

It’s classic catfishing, the facebook profile was fake and you have been “victim” to someone living a fantasy life. Catfishing really doesn’t need to have a purpose - the “relationship” ones do but they absolutely don’t have to be money related or anything like that. They just enjoy it.

The person you have spoken to for 4 years doesn’t exist. Behind those messages is just some vile person that gets off on stringing out a fantasy.

Sorry @Crazylittlethingcalledpeople but I hope this makes you more cautious. Mumsnet and all other sites is riddled with fantasists (and also normals).

This is so odd! What would she have even gained from this?! I would try to say maybe an emergency happend but to block you immediately.....

Bizarre. People are crazy

I change my username a lot. I get random men dm a lot under various of my user names. So my gut says a man getting some weird kicks.

If its a woman there's no reasonable excuse for her behaviour.

@Crazylittlethingcalledpeople
I’m intrigued…. I had a similar thing happen to me once. We never met, similar length of “friendship”, very similar description of their life, and then it stopped suddenly after 4 years. I think I know why but I still look back occasionally and think the sudden end was all a bit bizarre.
Anyway, I was going to ask, where was this person from? Just wondering if this is someone who does this on repeat!

she messages to say she’s just parking her car
This makes me think she wasn't driving. How do you message while parking? Afterwards maybe as in I've just parked my car, but not while parking because you're manoeuvring the vehicle.
Are you sure whoever it was couldn't have watched you and followed you when you left?
I would definitely report to MNHQ, they may be able to reassure you that they are a genuine user.

Well you can’t really trust people you meet online ..

I can dictate WhatsApp messages when driving - so assumed maybe this.