Absolutely bemused by this and also feeling a bit stupid

[Crazylittlethingcalledpeople]

This makes me sound like a total idiot but never mind.

I encountered a woman on mumsnet about four years ago who was experiencing a similar situation to me. She DM’d me and we communicated back and forth for a while before swapping numbers and moving to WhatsApp.

Ive seen her posts on mumsnet since - so who knows, she might see this!

Anyway, we have messaged back and forth on and off for the last four years. Sometimes not in touch for a couple of months, other times every day. She’s painted a fairly chaotic situation in her personal life and mine hasn’t been plain sailing.

We’ve never actually spoken on the phone in this time which I guess is weird but I hate the phone 🤣

Anyway, she then suggested finally meeting up for a meal and a drink - she lives about 3 hours from me - but she said she would drive nearish to me and stop over. I sent her a link for a hotel and booked somewhere for dinner and then we planned to have a few drinks.

So yesterday she messages to say what time she’s leaving. She keeps me updated with where she is and the time she should arrive. I head over at roughly the time she is expected… she messages to say she’s just parking her car and I walked over to the restaurant to wait for her.

And… that was it. I waited for twenty minutes and then tried to call her - went to answerphone. Then nothing on WhatsApp was delivering and it was clear she must have blocked me. I waited forty minutes in total in case (unlikely) her phone had lost charge, delayed checking in etc but absolutely nothing. I’m also blocked on her fb.

It must be one of the most bizarre things to ever happen to me.
She’s never asked me for money or anything weird… I mean clearly she never set off or had the intention of meeting me… but literally five minutes before blocking me she said ‘I’ve arrived.’

My brain is really like 🤯 because I can’t see why she’d bother all that time and then suggest meeting and then - ghost me?

So if she is reading this - it’s fine, I went and met some friends but it’s just weird! And I can’t make head nor tail of it! I guess I’m also a little freaked out because I would have said she was a friend and I can’t understand what she got from this? For all of it I’d like to know she’s ok.

Who suggested you exchange phone numbers @Crazylittlethingcalledpeople?

I notice you said they sent the first DM. If they suggested the phone numbers as well as making the first move in DMs, then I think this is something you will just have to resign yourself to not being able to comprehend when it comes to a motive.

How do you know she’s blocked you? Could her phone have been stolen?

I think you’ve been played/groomed.

By the way OP, you are not stupid or an idiot in any way whatsoever!
It is really going to bug me, the mystery of this, it is just so odd. I’m sorry, it must feel very disconcerting

Some folk are so weird.

I wonder if she was just bored and wanted some entertainment, which she got from you. So strange.

Definitely report it.
She may not have been a woman, "she" may have been a man with evil intent, who backed out last minute.
Far fetched but........?

Sounds like she's done it for shits and giggles.

I can’t even remember. It was so long ago. I think we moved to Facebook messenger and then swapped numbers from there. I think.

Yeah, I’ve been played - I agree. I just don’t understand why, but maybe that doesn’t matter!

When I was in my teens I made up a totally different life on an online forum, I posted as that person and some of those friendships developed outside of the forum and we’d chat on MSN. I wasn’t trying to scam anybody but I guess I just did it out of boredom and maybe loneliness, it felt easier to connect to people as a made up person than as myself.

I wonder if whoever it is feels they’ve gotten in to deep with their lies and made up life, maybe they got carried away and wanted a way to end things. They might know that by going down the route of pretending to meet etc and then ghosting there will be no turning back and that you’ll realise they’re not real, but without them having to actually confront or confess.

Very frustrating for you though!

When I found out I was unexpectedly pregnant with my DS2, I was on a Mum's forum as I wasn't sure what to do and there was a lady in a similar situation. I went ahead with my pregnancy but she didn't. We private messaged back and forth on the forum for a while and then swapped numbers and whatsapped frequently as I supported her as she struggled with having the termination. She then messaged me a few months later so say she was pregnant again and having the baby. Around her due date I got a message from her partner on her number saying something had happened and they'd lost the baby. A few months later I was reading a news story online about a couple losing their baby and realised that one of the (unique) pictures in the article was the same as my friends whatsapp profile picture but none of the names/dates or anything matched my "friend". I mentioned to her I thought her profile pic was so precious and how precious the photo must be. She suddenly changed her picture and said it was her neice who she saw all the time even thought it was hard after she lost her baby girl - not knowing that I had seen the news story with that exact photo in. We never spoke again and I really struggled to get my head around the fact that everything had been a lie.

Probably a man

If you have been played, it is all to do with them and not you, remember that.

Well, either she didn’t drive there and had no intention of doing so,

Or, she turned up and saw you and changed her mind.

But why would she do that as
a) it wasn’t a romantic date, you were just friends
b) she knew what you looked like from photos, there would be no surprises there.

I just don’t know.

What is her chaotic situation? Does she seem like the type of person who would behave like this?

What was the situation you bonded over? Was it anything to do with sex or anything else that a weirdo might get a kick out of?

Who initially instigated the communication / friendship?

Like a pp im also wondering if it’s actually a man. A man who was getting a kick out of your attention, and then couldn’t reveal himself to actually be male so chickened out of meeting you.

Eww gosh. This is very very odd! Sorry OP. It isn’t you x

I mean I’d rather not think she turned up, saw me and thought omg she’s so hideous I don’t want to be her friend 🤣
But I do think (hope!) that’s unlikely.

We bonded over a situation in our relationships - it wasn’t sexual or anything. It’s NEVER been sexual or anything even bordering it.

Her life is very chaotic, I did wonder if she would cancel last minute. I didn’t think she’d say she was here and ghost me though.

She messaged me first on mn I think. It wasn’t fast - we only in communication sporadically at first. I didn’t think anything of it at the time.

I had something similar years ago from someone I actually knew in real life. In fact we had been flatmates in another country. We both moved back to the UK but to different cities. She arranged to come down and stay with me, messaged me when she was setting off etc, and then I heard nothing more. I was waiting to meet her and go out for dinner which we had planned for a restaurant we both liked, and she just never turned up. I messaged her and no reply. I was genuinely worried she might have had an accident so I rang her house number where she lived with her parents. Her dad answered and told me she was in town shopping with her mum. I never heard from her again.

Bizarre.
it’s just inexplicable.
She’d know me well enough to know I’m laidback and wouldn’t be upset at her cancelling so I have to believe it was intentional to leas me on until the last moment.

Gosh, that's really unnerving. What a strange thing to do!

It does sound like a strange and chaotic person who needed something from the connection you had, probably never had any intention of meeting, but planning and roleplaying it all out that day was part of the buzz. I think you just have to chalk this one up to "people are strange" and definitely don't engage again if she reaches out.

Can you tag her on here 😁

Have you reported the username to mumsnet? I’d be quite concerned that you’ve had a lucky escape from someone unsavoury tbh. If someone had genuinely arrived and freaked out, they wouldn’t just block you or say they’d arrived. They’d most likely make up an excuse about being ill or having a family emergency.

@Foreverm0re they could be anyone of the PPs on this thread… I mean it’s easy AF to change your username on MN.
Infact you could be her/him… or I could!
jesus that’s given me the right willies thinking about it

Tag her 🍿

I wonder if the majority of it all was genuine, but, if her life is chaotic, at some point recently she'd been coerced by someone into moving on to meeting you in person with a view to scamming you for cash somehow. And then couldn't go through with it?

@Crazylittlethingcalledpeople slightly similar, had a fellow friend who i thought i was building a friendship with and i always liked to ask in advance eg is texting via watsapp etc allowed, all yes we spent some hours together chatting over many months, then blocked not even a sorry but the friendships not working for me etc.

its frustrating because i did everything properly eg asking if they were ok with the texts etc but still they shut down comms.

so unless they developed feelings for me, then it trully was a puzzlement