Absolutely bemused by this and also feeling a bit stupid

[Crazylittlethingcalledpeople]

This makes me sound like a total idiot but never mind.

I encountered a woman on mumsnet about four years ago who was experiencing a similar situation to me. She DM’d me and we communicated back and forth for a while before swapping numbers and moving to WhatsApp.

Ive seen her posts on mumsnet since - so who knows, she might see this!

Anyway, we have messaged back and forth on and off for the last four years. Sometimes not in touch for a couple of months, other times every day. She’s painted a fairly chaotic situation in her personal life and mine hasn’t been plain sailing.

We’ve never actually spoken on the phone in this time which I guess is weird but I hate the phone 🤣

Anyway, she then suggested finally meeting up for a meal and a drink - she lives about 3 hours from me - but she said she would drive nearish to me and stop over. I sent her a link for a hotel and booked somewhere for dinner and then we planned to have a few drinks.

So yesterday she messages to say what time she’s leaving. She keeps me updated with where she is and the time she should arrive. I head over at roughly the time she is expected… she messages to say she’s just parking her car and I walked over to the restaurant to wait for her.

And… that was it. I waited for twenty minutes and then tried to call her - went to answerphone. Then nothing on WhatsApp was delivering and it was clear she must have blocked me. I waited forty minutes in total in case (unlikely) her phone had lost charge, delayed checking in etc but absolutely nothing. I’m also blocked on her fb.

It must be one of the most bizarre things to ever happen to me.
She’s never asked me for money or anything weird… I mean clearly she never set off or had the intention of meeting me… but literally five minutes before blocking me she said ‘I’ve arrived.’

My brain is really like 🤯 because I can’t see why she’d bother all that time and then suggest meeting and then - ghost me?

So if she is reading this - it’s fine, I went and met some friends but it’s just weird! And I can’t make head nor tail of it! I guess I’m also a little freaked out because I would have said she was a friend and I can’t understand what she got from this? For all of it I’d like to know she’s ok.

That is utterly, utterly bizarre. What was the purpose?

UNLESS - she came in and saw you and realised she already knew you IRL? And didn’t want her real life and her anonymous Mumsnet life coinciding? Had you swapped real names by then or not?

Maybe she just chickened out of meeting in person after all this time - and was too embarrassed to say - so just ghosted and blocked ? Although saying she had arrived is the bit that’s puzzling .

Hope She does see your post and give answers .

She obviously never made that journey. Probably been lying

That is weird. But I guess maybe she didn't really turn up at all and somehow freaked out about the whole thing? If you've shared a lot of personal stuff maybe she just panicked?

I guess just forget about her. Don't take it to heart. Travelling three hours to meet someone you've met on MN is quite a lot.

But then she shouldn't have agreed to do it. Some people, eh?

How bizaree
Was it a date or 100% just friends?

Did you ever see photos?

Could you have been catfished?
Sounds very bizarre.
The decent thing for her to do for all of us reading this would be to spice up our Saturday night by popping on here and fessing up.
Unless it was more of a date situation and she saw you and didn’t fancy you….then that would explain things.

A man maybe?

Very strange

Just friends.

She does know what I look like and vice versa as we’ve whatsapped photos etc over the years.

I would have seen her if she’d been there!

I just can’t understand it. Why would she catfish for FOUR years with no obvious benefit to herself and then just not show up at the last minute. I mean she said she was parking the car and about 3 minutes later I was blocked. I didn’t realise at the time and thought maybe she’d no reception in the multi-storey - but when she said she was parking I replied and said ok, see you soon - I’ll wait by the restaurant. And that message never delivered.

Don’t think a man because when I called her it went to answerphone and the answerphone was a woman.
I reverse google searched her images and they gave me nothing.

There’s nowt as queer as folk as my mum used to say (back in the day when queer just meant weird - no offence anyone!) That is very odd op. Sorry that happened - if the mystery is resolved do let us know!

I think most likely what's happened here is something came up in her personal life, doesn't want to actually cancel, and feels ashamed.

The thing I find wierd is that you never met, but she was going to pay to stay in a hotel? That's quite an investment for someone you never met, or spoke to on the phone, or had video chat with? Are you sure she meant that she wanted a hotel? Or was she thinking she might stay?
Maybe she couldn't afford it and was embarrased? Is it possible you had any miscommunication over that?

Very odd, but I would do my best to put it out of my mind and move on. Don't waste any more energy trying to work it all out, you'll probably never know.

That is really odd!!

I'm thinking cat fish or she lied about something that would have been obvious upon meeting. Or you unknowingly upset her at some point and this was "revenge".

Omg what if she’s reading this.

A man could easily have an answer phone message that is a woman’s voice. I think you have had a very lucky escape @Crazylittlethingcalledpeople. I don’t like the sound this at all. I think you have been played, why and for so long well only the nutter whose done it knows that. As I say it gives me a bad feeling. No one really knows who anyone on here is.

Possibly a bloke playing a game. Some people do that, it gives them a buzz.

I'm glad you've posted though because I doubt you're the only one.

I mean clearly she never set off or had the intention of meeting me…

I don't understand this bit. How do you know she didn't arrive at the destination (or at least as far as the parking spot) and then change her mind for some reason?

Has she posted on MN since?

@DancingLions yes the fact that ‘she is a ‘he’.

What’s the Facebook profile like @Crazylittlethingcalledpeople ? Assuming you were friends on there.. How many friends did they have? Any photos that show a normal/family life? A profile photo?

I feel like you may have unintentionally given a lot of personal information to someone who was catfishing you all along. I really don’t think
someone would go to the expense of a hotel for a first meeting like this. I don’t think there was ever an intention to show up. Probably because they’re not who they say they are. They’ll probably see your post and then use one of the excuses someone above has offered up.

Your user name feels ironic right now (unless you name changed especially for this!)

A very weird situation indeed. To be honest, I wouldn’t have blamed her for cancelling, as all the effort was coming from her: a long drive and then shelling out for a hotel?! But even if she did think better of it, she could have just been open and honest with you.

Odd. I think you’ve been strung along sadly.