Absolutely bemused by this and also feeling a bit stupid

[Crazylittlethingcalledpeople]

This makes me sound like a total idiot but never mind.

I encountered a woman on mumsnet about four years ago who was experiencing a similar situation to me. She DM’d me and we communicated back and forth for a while before swapping numbers and moving to WhatsApp.

Ive seen her posts on mumsnet since - so who knows, she might see this!

Anyway, we have messaged back and forth on and off for the last four years. Sometimes not in touch for a couple of months, other times every day. She’s painted a fairly chaotic situation in her personal life and mine hasn’t been plain sailing.

We’ve never actually spoken on the phone in this time which I guess is weird but I hate the phone 🤣

Anyway, she then suggested finally meeting up for a meal and a drink - she lives about 3 hours from me - but she said she would drive nearish to me and stop over. I sent her a link for a hotel and booked somewhere for dinner and then we planned to have a few drinks.

So yesterday she messages to say what time she’s leaving. She keeps me updated with where she is and the time she should arrive. I head over at roughly the time she is expected… she messages to say she’s just parking her car and I walked over to the restaurant to wait for her.

And… that was it. I waited for twenty minutes and then tried to call her - went to answerphone. Then nothing on WhatsApp was delivering and it was clear she must have blocked me. I waited forty minutes in total in case (unlikely) her phone had lost charge, delayed checking in etc but absolutely nothing. I’m also blocked on her fb.

It must be one of the most bizarre things to ever happen to me.
She’s never asked me for money or anything weird… I mean clearly she never set off or had the intention of meeting me… but literally five minutes before blocking me she said ‘I’ve arrived.’

My brain is really like 🤯 because I can’t see why she’d bother all that time and then suggest meeting and then - ghost me?

So if she is reading this - it’s fine, I went and met some friends but it’s just weird! And I can’t make head nor tail of it! I guess I’m also a little freaked out because I would have said she was a friend and I can’t understand what she got from this? For all of it I’d like to know she’s ok.

Sorry for what happened to you and it is a strange thing to happen after it appears you built up a good friendship over the years. You clearly had alot of trust in it.

However, my opinion is always that Mumsnet is an anonymous site for a reason. You can exchange views, get honest opinions on difficult topics etc (which are often hard to get from real friends/family as no one likes to upset anyone), but that’s as far as I personally think it should go. I think there are better places in ‘real life’ to meet new people/other Mums etc.

If she had panicked at the last minute, surely she would just make an excuse why she couldn’t go (issue with the kids, illness etc). By blocking you, it sounds more like someone very sad has been stringing you on over the years.

Hotel bookings are private. A hotel is not going to tell you if some random stranger has booked in or not.

Doesn't anyone live in the 21st century on MN?

Why are you posting a ChatGPT response?? 😬

The purpose being is that it was someone not remotely as they described themselves, possible a man or a young person or a group of young people.

@Crazylittlethingcalledpeople - you said your poster last posted in June. Does the post relate to the same circumstances that you know? Is it updated (as in current) or recounting the same information shared with you four years ago?

Just checking that the poster isnt repeating her story to draw in the next ‘friend’?
Hoping you woukd report if that were the case.

I wonder if it’s someone in your life that was cat fishing. Maybe an ex with a grudge? Ex friend?

@Crazylittlethingcalledpeople Maybe someone else persuaded them not to meet you, and suggested it was risky or something like that.

Maybe the exchanges were genuine but maybe she lied about things too. Not about who she was but maybe small details so that when it came to really meeting you it was just too much. Maybe she just wanted to keep the friendship online.

And block someone as they arrive ...unlikely imo

Not wanting to worry you anymore than you already are but this is what I was thinking, they could have stood you up but then waited, watched and followed you home to find out where you live. I don't know if Police would that be interested but maybe log it on the online portal anyway with all the details you do have. Phone number, Facebook name etc. It can't do any harm.

I knew someone for 4 years and knew them in real life - met them loads of times. Relocated to south west. They said they were coming to my area and wanted to meet for lunch on Saturday. Ok they booked a restaurant and I checked on Monday still coming - yes wanted my new address and then on Wednesday I texted to say what time Saturday no answer, rang and left a message and nothing. No reply. Rang again Saturday morning and messaged and fb message to confirm and ask what time. They never replied. Never blocked me and everything was read and never a reply. That was 5 years ago - I never found out why!

Someone on some kind of weird power trip?

I met my hairdresser in a salon about 20 years ago and at some point we switched to home cuts - for about 50% of the salon cost. No way would I pay salon prices to have my hair done at someone’s home or my own!

Is this a cryptic message from the mysterious woman herself?
🤣

Something’s off about this… 🤨

My thoughts exactly.
Something about this thread feels chilling to me😬

Yes! Because it’s basically unbelievable.

I have been in that space for 48 hours. My brain still can’t really understand it. She went from saying she was parking to disappearing and blocking me on everything within 5 minutes! It makes zero sense.

I don’t think she was anyone from my past…I mean I guess you never know but I really cannot imagine who. And four years is a long game to play.

She did send me a photo of a positive pregnancy test which I’ve reverse imaged and it brings me a mumsnet thread posted the day after the sent me that image to me. So I assume that was real because the picture she sent me predates the mumsnet thread.

But that’s all I’ve got. Nothing else. I’ve not found out anything more.

Imagine living it.
I think that’s why I can’t let it go. It feels scary.

Ditto

Thank god it wasn't just me who thought that!!

I'm inclined to believe the fantasist hypothesis. I know it's not necessarily reassuring, but there are truly people like that, trolls who spend their days this way.

Have you considered contacting the police? I mean not as an emergency, but for information? Maybe they have experience dealing with scammers/stalkers/whatever, and they can pinpoint what to look for in terms of potential red flags, for instance.

Report it to the police then, don't be afraid on your own and don't worry if they say they can't do anything say you want it logged anyway and tell people in real life too. Have you got SOS or Holly guard on your phone if not get them. Take precautions as if it is the worst case scenario. Mix up your journeys rather than taking the same routes, particularly when walking. I'd be scared by this.

If "For all of it I’d like to know she’s ok," why did you block her?

Do you still have her number? Could you call it sometime from a withheld number to see if she answers? I can understand the while situation is unsettling but I imagine she never even left home and just carried on with pretending until the last moment then know she couldn't make up any other stories. Just tell yourself that she obviously has issues then try not to spend any more time dwelling on it all because you will never know the truth.

I don’t know really. I was scared?? I spoke to my friend and they said just block her. She isn’t blocked on my phone number now so she could message if she wanted to.

I can’t really explain how it felt. It felt surreal. And completely crazy. I know it sounds stupid but I’d have said she was a friend. We have communicated a lot. For that to happen was just really unnerving. I didn’t want her to have any further access to me.