Absolutely bemused by this and also feeling a bit stupid

[Crazylittlethingcalledpeople]

This makes me sound like a total idiot but never mind.

I encountered a woman on mumsnet about four years ago who was experiencing a similar situation to me. She DM’d me and we communicated back and forth for a while before swapping numbers and moving to WhatsApp.

Ive seen her posts on mumsnet since - so who knows, she might see this!

Anyway, we have messaged back and forth on and off for the last four years. Sometimes not in touch for a couple of months, other times every day. She’s painted a fairly chaotic situation in her personal life and mine hasn’t been plain sailing.

We’ve never actually spoken on the phone in this time which I guess is weird but I hate the phone 🤣

Anyway, she then suggested finally meeting up for a meal and a drink - she lives about 3 hours from me - but she said she would drive nearish to me and stop over. I sent her a link for a hotel and booked somewhere for dinner and then we planned to have a few drinks.

So yesterday she messages to say what time she’s leaving. She keeps me updated with where she is and the time she should arrive. I head over at roughly the time she is expected… she messages to say she’s just parking her car and I walked over to the restaurant to wait for her.

And… that was it. I waited for twenty minutes and then tried to call her - went to answerphone. Then nothing on WhatsApp was delivering and it was clear she must have blocked me. I waited forty minutes in total in case (unlikely) her phone had lost charge, delayed checking in etc but absolutely nothing. I’m also blocked on her fb.

It must be one of the most bizarre things to ever happen to me.
She’s never asked me for money or anything weird… I mean clearly she never set off or had the intention of meeting me… but literally five minutes before blocking me she said ‘I’ve arrived.’

My brain is really like 🤯 because I can’t see why she’d bother all that time and then suggest meeting and then - ghost me?

So if she is reading this - it’s fine, I went and met some friends but it’s just weird! And I can’t make head nor tail of it! I guess I’m also a little freaked out because I would have said she was a friend and I can’t understand what she got from this? For all of it I’d like to know she’s ok.

OP said:

No, she knows the month of my birthday and the town where I live. But she doesn’t know my address.

Yes, I read that myself and I asked after she said it, for clarification.

No she doesn’t have it.

I feel like I am on my guard now for something awful happening.

Sorry, the list didn’t show. Another link here: https://www.experian.com/blogs/ask-experian/what-information-is-at-risk-for-identity-theft/

Check out this list OP, should put your mind at rest:

https://www.google.com/search?q=what+information+does+someone+need+for+identity+theft&scaesv=1263d0ef7397b8b5&source=hp&ei=TJqPaN2iEO7X7M8P2duB-Aw&iflsig=AOw8s4IAAAAAaI-oXMqbLsWkvKQZsZkWiMfZ5MgVDw&ved=0ahUKEwjd-JihkOAxXuKsDHdltAM8Q4dUDCBo&uact=5&oq=what+information+does+someone+need+for+identity+theft&gslp=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&sclient=gws-wiz

It does sound utterly bizarre..If something has happened to her, the person who'd taken her wouldn't know to block you so I dont think its anything lkkw that. It's hard to believe someone would string you along for 4 years only to end up doing that. The fact you didn't ever speak on rhe phone ja a bit strange. Are you sure it wasnt some weird man all along who enjoyed talking to you and knew he could never meet you. It's got to be some catfish thing. There's no other explanation.

a totally nasty behaviour. Don't trust anyone anymore from sm

that is a good question. The one who ghosted might have been enamored and juiced up but knowing the OP is not into this thing, just realised how stupid she was

I don’t think you should be worried about antagonising her, on the contrary, she should feel bad for behaving in this way towards a “friend”.

I was friends on a SM site (not this one) with someone who turned out to live quite local and we agreed to meet up. We met, she's lovely, been friends for 10 years. But at the time my DH told me I must be mad as she might turn out to be an ax murderer!! If she is she hides it well.

But maybe she decided you might be an ax murderer.....

why though....then no one can trust anyone on social media. I meet people on fb in groups and we don't know each other but we communicate real life stuff. I don't drive or have free time/capacity to meet for no reason like that but still. So?

I meet women from Europe on zoom about language studies and one travelling to Australia through Heathrow wanted to meet me. She wanted to come home too, as I understood. I said I do not drive, also work on that day. If you give me the hotel and timing , given you are staying overnight, I might pop in but not guaranteed

also, did she give me her hotel or the details of her staying around Heathrow overnight - NO, LOL, yes, LOL

I think she's just a common or garden fantasist. No point in trying to make sense of it - she's not operating like a normal person - she just kept it going as long as she could and then bailed.

but wanted me to spare my whole working day, miss my family dinner, drive to Heathrow, pick her up, back home at night , make her a nice bed, but would not give me her hotel adress otherwise. Sorry but you are crazy for wanting to treat me shit like that

From a psychological point of view these types of people do exist. Think "pathological liar". He/She's "Jane", but she wants to be "Susan". So he/she portrays him/herself as Susan online, keeps the pretence up as long as possible because it helps her feel like she's really Susan, but when there's the possibility of the bubble bursting and someone seeing "Jane", she quickly ghosts the person and moves on. Living out a fiction.

Yes contact the hotel if you can. Maybe they will give you the info uf you explain the reason you want to know. . It would tell you a lot in terms of whether she really meant to meet you or not.

OP I hope you are ok. It sounds like a catfish and this is actually a really significant thing. It’s been 4 years and this is someone you had a personal relationship with and shared thing about yourself and your life. Of course it’s going to be frightening and disorienting. These things can have a real emotional impact. This is a crime, and you are a victim. Dont put yourself down or minimise the impact this could be having on you. You are absolutely NOT “pathetic” for being a bit afraid. Hope you are ok xxxx @Crazylittlethingcalledpeople

it really is not. I had a single aupair dad employer who was fine with me but one day our neighbour told me he pretends is a female on lesbian websites and spread some theories for fun sake

It is to the poster you just quoted. Posters obviously don’t know the ins and outs of your experiences.

This relationship issue you bonded over; is it possible "she" is your partner/ex you were talking about?

Surrey, lol
there is one weird woman who posts in all local towns groups things about female friendships. She is a real nut and people already are fed with her. Probably someone like her , she is short, middle aged and quite large

As long as people like this can operate incognito they’ll achieve the desired effect of scaring people, who they leave worrying and unsettled long after the incident has occurred. Finding a way of exposing them will go a long way to stopping them from continuing to victimise people in this way.

OP, after four years you don’t know enough about this woman to be able to track her down. It really does act as a warning about online relationships.

I think this must be right. Nobody gets as far as parking the car then instantly breaking off all contact. There’s no real-world explanation for it. From some point, at the latest from organising the visit, none of what she said is true.

It might be earlier than you imagine, if you look back? If you really read back through the earlier messages you might begin to spot things and think ‘ah’ – dates that wander around, stories told twice but slightly differently, that sort of thing?

Some people live inside their own heads to a degree you can’t really fathom. I’ve got a friend from my old work who’s a bit like that – perfectly nice and we still exchange messages from time to time, but half the stories she tells are obvious exaggerations or often simply clearly untrue.

So long as there’s no real harm you just have to chalk it up to mystery tbh, and stay wary. There’s no deeper explanation to uncover, some people just create a reality for themselves and it’s not really about you at all.

Did you check the hotel
for her booking?

I think that’s the worst bit, that it’s actually left you feeling so unsettled and worried something bad is going to happen while they just get on with their life as if nothing happened full stop. It’s a shitty way to behave. I think they at least owe you some kind of explanation for playing you so long.

I think this is really sad!

I have loads of online friends (tho my adult kids do call them weird online people!), some for over 20 years! I met most of them through ds, as another poster mentioned.
I still see some names pop up on forums I use.

I've met 2 irl and one is still such a close friend i nearly forgot just now that i met her online.

Having said that, Mumsnet is the only forum I've used where I've used a different username. It seems to have a lot more fantasists in it.

I'm really sorry this happened to you. When someone ghosts you it feels like you go through a grieving process, and that's hard.
I hope they were just really nervous, it's much more likely to be that than a nefarious reason.