Absolutely bemused by this and also feeling a bit stupid

[Crazylittlethingcalledpeople]

This makes me sound like a total idiot but never mind.

I encountered a woman on mumsnet about four years ago who was experiencing a similar situation to me. She DM’d me and we communicated back and forth for a while before swapping numbers and moving to WhatsApp.

Ive seen her posts on mumsnet since - so who knows, she might see this!

Anyway, we have messaged back and forth on and off for the last four years. Sometimes not in touch for a couple of months, other times every day. She’s painted a fairly chaotic situation in her personal life and mine hasn’t been plain sailing.

We’ve never actually spoken on the phone in this time which I guess is weird but I hate the phone 🤣

Anyway, she then suggested finally meeting up for a meal and a drink - she lives about 3 hours from me - but she said she would drive nearish to me and stop over. I sent her a link for a hotel and booked somewhere for dinner and then we planned to have a few drinks.

So yesterday she messages to say what time she’s leaving. She keeps me updated with where she is and the time she should arrive. I head over at roughly the time she is expected… she messages to say she’s just parking her car and I walked over to the restaurant to wait for her.

And… that was it. I waited for twenty minutes and then tried to call her - went to answerphone. Then nothing on WhatsApp was delivering and it was clear she must have blocked me. I waited forty minutes in total in case (unlikely) her phone had lost charge, delayed checking in etc but absolutely nothing. I’m also blocked on her fb.

It must be one of the most bizarre things to ever happen to me.
She’s never asked me for money or anything weird… I mean clearly she never set off or had the intention of meeting me… but literally five minutes before blocking me she said ‘I’ve arrived.’

My brain is really like 🤯 because I can’t see why she’d bother all that time and then suggest meeting and then - ghost me?

So if she is reading this - it’s fine, I went and met some friends but it’s just weird! And I can’t make head nor tail of it! I guess I’m also a little freaked out because I would have said she was a friend and I can’t understand what she got from this? For all of it I’d like to know she’s ok.

I wouldn't think you could tell that the post was from her, she might have just been reading and copying threads from Mumsnet to perpetuate the communication with you, as an easy way to generate new material for the conversation. Sounds like you've got off lightly actually. It could have taken a real turn for the distubing

But should have said @Crazylittlethingcalledpeople that you have hopefully had a lucky escape. She sounds unhinged and I think just chalk it up to experience now.

I agree with the lucky escape.

Curious though OP, what would you do if she contacted you again (with some excuse)?

Some from Digital Spy (and non affiliated offshoots of that) turned out to be bonkers. Quite a long time ago now though. And a very small forum that was for people taking a particular AD - that was a reeeeeally long time ago. Just general catfishing, lying, false personas etc.

I’d be extremely surprised. I don’t expect to hear from her again.
I guess I’d ask if she was ok and then that would be it. Clearly something is very wrong in all of this and I don’t think it’s explainable.

Yes, I think it would be wise of you to put it behind you and not engage further. Sorry though, it’s sad when you invested years into what you thought was a friendship.

I had a feeling you were talking about DS. I used to post in the Big Brother forum (I loved BB back in the day) and occasionally ventured into General which sometimes had a weird vibe.

Any idea why they closed General Discussion?

How strange. Usually the most likely answer is the correct one; however, is it possible she turned up at a venue with the same name in another location? It can happen, my future MIL did so when we were meeting up for a parental introduction at a local pub - she went to one 20 miles away.😂 If that happened, she might have blocked you thinking you were catfishing her.
A more concerning thought is that someone got hold of her phone, told her she wasn’t allowed to go and blocked you.

of course it may all just be a form of entertainment to her.

She probably realised she was in the wrong place and was embarrassed so blocked you as didn’t know how else to handle it.

I hope it’s not a horrible ex (or friend) of yours who was keeping tabs on you by catfishing you. OP is there any chance it was that?

Reminds me of what happened to a friend of mine.She had become friendly with an American couple in Florida through gaming and they were booked to fly over to Hamburg to visit her. A day before came a message that their toddler daughter had broken her arm and couldn‘t fly.
Later she decided to holiday in Florida and tried to contact them. No reply. I think some people just play weird games

But she has had something OP - in your second post on this thread you told us "She does know what I look like and vice versa as we’ve whatsapped photos etc over the years." So, have you done a Google reverse image search on the photo's you've shared with her to see if she's using them for some nefarious purposes? If not, my theory is that she's a weird, desperate little attention-seeker. You don't have to look far online to find stories of absolute crazies - they walk among us and it seems like you've encountered one. (You're kinder than me though - I'd absolutely link to her latest thread on here for wasting my damn time! 😂 )

The OP said earlier that she did a reverse image search I think, with no result.

Surely the simplest thing would be to at least contact the hotel to ask if the booking was ever actually made, and whether or not it was subsequently cancelled. Explain your reason for asking - would that be a breach of confidentiality? The answer might throw some light on whether the whole arrangement was a wind-up.

How utterly bizarre!

This is probably the most likely scenario. Meeting at a hotel and getting wires crossed over the name of the hotel. Easy done.

Very different but I had a ONS with a guy, we got on brilliantly, he offered to come and train in the gym with me, we had a time arranged and he never showed, never replied.

I was kind of livid so I told him, about 6 weeks later the weasel came about and said he was sorry, that he was stressed and his DF was ill, and instead of telling me he walked away in shame.

We did meet a couple of time after but honestly you never get past that kind of behaviour- you will always think that person could do it again.

It just signals you were never a priority of any kind.

I was baffled as I don't come from this generation of people that do ghosting.

Would you instantly block someone in that event?

I suggest the OP listen to the Sweet Bobby podcast (or watch the Netflix doc).
You've been strung along (catfished) unfortunately.
If there WAS a reasonable explanation she'd have given it.
Chalk it up to experience I guess.
Sorry this has happened to you.
x

Could you try contacting her through Mumsnet, or try her most recent username on here to ask her openly for an explanation?

i did think it was a bit weird she wouldn’t speak on the phone but all our ‘friendship’ had been over messages to this point.

OP, you said the above this afternoon but the below in your first post of the thread .

We’ve never actually spoken on the phone in this time which I guess is weird but I hate the phone

Yes if you were thinking you were the victim of cat fishing or bring stood up? Waiting and waiting and the friend never making an appearance. Most rational people would just call and ask where the heck are you, been standing here waiting for you outside x hotel. But there's no telling how others react to same situation.

I don’t know if it would antagonise her / them and I’m a bit scared. Is that pathetic?

Yep, so I didn’t push it. I suggested if a few times but didn’t push it because I thought maybe she was like me and didn’t love the phone.

Yeah, I’m rational and would have done my best to contact the person I’d arranged to meet (that I’d built a friendship with for the past 4 years). The last thing on my mind would be that I’d been catfished!

Sounds like a lunatic. You were lucky they didn’t turn up!

Did you see my question about your actual, full birthday?

Does she / they know it?

Because if she / they does then your identity is vulnerable to theft

And that's more important than being surprised that someone didn't turn up