Page 7 | Family funeral 5 hours away 38 weeks pregnant

Original poster

thechicks · 02/08/2025 16:02

LBFseBrom · 02/08/2025 15:46

I'm confused with your use of 'they'. Are you talking about your wife/partner or more than one person?

A five hour flight both ways, plus all the other things involved, seems a bit much to me for someone so close to giving birth. She could easily go into labour at that stage and it wouldn't be very early, many babies are born at 38 weeks. I found this online: "Flying at 38 weeks pregnant, both ways, is generally not recommended and may not be permitted by airlines. Most airlines have restrictions on air travel for pregnant women, typically limiting travel to before 36 weeks for single pregnancies and 32 weeks for multiples. It's advisable to consult with both your airline and healthcare provider for specific guidance and potential restrictions."

If people other than your wife/partner are prepared to go, and represent her, that would be a good idea and her relatives should understand. Tell them she just cannot go!

I am pregnant. DW is not pregnant, her father's funeral is a 5 hour flight away. I'm not going, DW is back and forth between going and not going.

OP posts:

Original poster

thechicks · 02/08/2025 16:05

DP is really back and forth between wanting to go and thinking it's a bad idea. She wants me to make the decision really. I would rather she didn't go, but that isn't going to go down well with her family.

OP posts:

Devonpuff · 02/08/2025 16:05

I don't know why it has been so hard for people to get this - you OP was pretty clear.

rainbowunicorn · 02/08/2025 16:05

LadyBracknellsHandbagg · 02/08/2025 14:46

No airline will take you that late in your pregnancy so you quite simply can’t go.

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Probably just as well the OP never intended to go then isn't it?

notatinydancer · 02/08/2025 16:06

mumda · 02/08/2025 14:25

Can you get insurance to travel?

I wouldn't go.

She’s said several times she’s not going. It’s whether her partner should go.

ACynicalDad · 02/08/2025 16:08

Can someone from your family fly in the day before?

HerNotIndoorsAlltheTime · 02/08/2025 16:08

Of course he should go -it's his dad!

You'll have to accept that he may not be there for the birth but that's unlikely.

hhtddbkoygv · 02/08/2025 16:08

thechicks · 02/08/2025 16:05

DP is really back and forth between wanting to go and thinking it's a bad idea. She wants me to make the decision really. I would rather she didn't go, but that isn't going to go down well with her family.

I'd tell her to go. I think she wants you to 'give her permission' to go thus asking you to decide.

adorablecat · 02/08/2025 16:09

thechicks · 02/08/2025 16:05

DP is really back and forth between wanting to go and thinking it's a bad idea. She wants me to make the decision really. I would rather she didn't go, but that isn't going to go down well with her family.

It's unfair for her to expect you to make the decision. She needs to make it herself.

Heronwatcher · 02/08/2025 16:09

Yes of course she should go, it’s her dad. Get a member of your family to be on hand just in case but chances are you will be fine and if necessary could manage for as long as it takes her to get back.

HerNotIndoorsAlltheTime · 02/08/2025 16:10

thechicks · 02/08/2025 13:16

FIL has recently passed away. I will be 38 weeks pregnant on the funeral date, funeral is a 5 hour flight away. DP originally said no to travelling that close to my due date, their family are piling pressure on to be there. I am really torn between being ok with her going and being really not ok with it. DP's family are unlikely to react well if they tell them they aren't going. I'm totally torn on what to do.

Confused.
Are you two gay women?

Maddy70 · 02/08/2025 16:11

I don't think you can fly at 38 weeks anyway ?
But your wife should absolutely go. It's her father!

somethinggoodisgonnahappen · 02/08/2025 16:13

thechicks · 02/08/2025 16:05

DP is really back and forth between wanting to go and thinking it's a bad idea. She wants me to make the decision really. I would rather she didn't go, but that isn't going to go down well with her family.

@thechicks Put yourself in your DWs shoes - as much as you love her if it was one of your parents who had died wouldn’t you want to be there? Especially if there is a spouse who is now widowed they may need a hug in person to get them through the day!

You probably won’t go into Labour or have the baby during that 48hr window anyway.

Having a baby is a big deal but other people and life changing events also matter.

JustMyView13 · 02/08/2025 16:13

HerNotIndoorsAlltheTime · 02/08/2025 16:10

Confused.
Are you two gay women?

Edited

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It isn’t really confusing at all.
OP referred to their DW as DP so as not to distract. But really, it doesn’t change the dilemma they’re looking for advice on.

rainbowunicorn · 02/08/2025 16:13

LBFseBrom · 02/08/2025 15:46

I'm confused with your use of 'they'. Are you talking about your wife/partner or more than one person?

A five hour flight both ways, plus all the other things involved, seems a bit much to me for someone so close to giving birth. She could easily go into labour at that stage and it wouldn't be very early, many babies are born at 38 weeks. I found this online: "Flying at 38 weeks pregnant, both ways, is generally not recommended and may not be permitted by airlines. Most airlines have restrictions on air travel for pregnant women, typically limiting travel to before 36 weeks for single pregnancies and 32 weeks for multiples. It's advisable to consult with both your airline and healthcare provider for specific guidance and potential restrictions."

If people other than your wife/partner are prepared to go, and represent her, that would be a good idea and her relatives should understand. Tell them she just cannot go!

There is nothing confusing about it. The OP is clear as to who is pregnant, what sex her partner is, who will be flying and who has died.

Jellybellycat · 02/08/2025 16:13

Your DP is looking for you to support her to go. Otherwise she would have just said herself she isn’t going.

In your shoes I would encourage her to go. Latest flight possible, earliest flight back, allowing some time with family.

Ponderingwindow · 02/08/2025 16:14

Attending her father’s funeral will help her process her grief. It’s cathartic to have a day to focus all that sadness and then be able to emerge on the other side. It doesn’t mean you are over the passing of your parent, but it helps you get through the first stage.

what I would do is ask one of your family members to fly in and stay with you while your partner is away. it is a huge imposition, but this is an extreme circumstance.

C8H10N4O2 · 02/08/2025 16:15

JustMyView13 · 02/08/2025 15:25

But when the choice is so binary, there is no space for compromise. It’s going to suck, whichever is chosen.
However, the family will have the support of each other at the funeral, who will OP have for the birth of their child?
Yes, it’s an incredibly tough situation - impossible almost - but there is only one right answer here.

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“Only one right answer here” - yes, for the DP to attend their parent’s funeral.

The OP will have the midwife and staff to support her unless she is planning a freebirth. She will cope just as many women cope. It is unusual for someone to have no friends to provide any support but either way she won’t be alone.

Partners in the delivery room are recent historically and a mixed blessing in some cases. We seem to have gone from “partners have no place in the delivery room” to “mandatory partners in the delivery room, useful or not because poor women can’t cope” which is just as bad.

rainbowunicorn · 02/08/2025 16:16

HerNotIndoorsAlltheTime · 02/08/2025 16:10

Confused.
Are you two gay women?

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It's really not strange. Are you always easily confused or are you just doing some faux naivety that you weren't aware same sex couples so.times have children?

CountryQueen · 02/08/2025 16:18

Ffs of course she should go. Stop making her feel guilty, you might be 4 weeks away from birth anyway and you’ll be fine even if not. Women have managed this many times over

rainbowunicorn · 02/08/2025 16:18

Maddy70 · 02/08/2025 16:11

I don't think you can fly at 38 weeks anyway ?
But your wife should absolutely go. It's her father!

Edited

She never had any intention of soing so. What in the OP suggests otherwise?

edwinbear · 02/08/2025 16:18

OP, if it helps, DH wasn’t with me when I had DC2 - he was at home with DC1. I was incredibly well supported by the midwives and it really wasn’t a problem. I appreciate it’s a bit different with a first baby, but if you do happen to go into labour whilst she’s away it wouldn’t be a complete disaster. It was quite lovely having DH and DC1 visiting once me and DC2 had been cleaned up and in fresh PJ’s etc. He’d not been much use during DC1’s birth mind, which was definitely a factor in us both deciding second time round he’d stay at home!

CountryQueen · 02/08/2025 16:18

Jellybellycat · 02/08/2025 16:13

Your DP is looking for you to support her to go. Otherwise she would have just said herself she isn’t going.

In your shoes I would encourage her to go. Latest flight possible, earliest flight back, allowing some time with family.

Exactly. She must go

Zanatdy · 02/08/2025 16:19

For their father. Yes they should go.

youalright · 02/08/2025 16:19

You can't stop your partner going to her dad's funeral.