Family funeral 5 hours away 38 weeks pregnant

[thechicks]

FIL has recently passed away. I will be 38 weeks pregnant on the funeral date, funeral is a 5 hour flight away. DP originally said no to travelling that close to my due date, their family are piling pressure on to be there. I am really torn between being ok with her going and being really not ok with it. DP's family are unlikely to react well if they tell them they aren't going. I'm totally torn on what to do.

I’d say let her go, making the time away as short as possible. It’s highly unlikely that the whole birth will start and finish in her absence.

There’s another thread currently about a man going abroad on a stag do when his partner is about to give birth. I think he shouldn’t go, but a father's funeral is different. If your DP isn’t at her father's funeral she might always regret it and her family will never forget it. Just have some other relations or friends on standby, just in case.

FFS, annoys me when people don't read the OP properly, she clearly said "her" so her partner is a woman, and now some people are making a big deal of it, partner's sex is not relevant but you could at least not assume the partner is male.

Anyway. I'm sorry OP as it's really unfortunate timing but this is your partner's dad so i really think she should be at the funeral. I'd say the same if it was her mum or sibling, immediate family basically.

Maybe look into a back up plan just in case you go into labour while she's away, but I think it's pretty unlikely that you will tbh. You can work out the statistical likelihood using this calculator: https://datayze.com/labor-probability-calculator

It wasn't. 'I am really torn between being ok with her going and being really not ok with it' made it very clear that a) the partner is female and b) OP is torn as to whether her partner should go.

I wouldn’t want to have missed my dad’s funeral. Can you get someone, friend or family to be with you for those 2 days just in case?

Here are the stats

You could try asking the funeral director to arrange for the funeral to be streamed. It is a small extra cost but I have attended one myself and found it touching to hear the eulogies and the choice of hymns. It was a couple of years ago but I do still feel that I genuinely attended.

When my DF passed away last year we live streamed. It was available for those who couldn’t attend to watch later. I know that a few used it. It is not the same as real life attendance - but you share a child that could well enter the world when one of the parents is away. I am sure that FIL would understand. Sad that he cannot meet his grandchild.

I wish you both well in whatever decision your partner takes.

I think that you need to let your dp decide this for themselves. I'd expect them to keep their decision as "subject to change" right up ubtil they were due to have to leave for the event.

Losing a parent is devastating, and funerals are for the living left behind to help process this loss. For me, it would depend on whether my Mum/siblings would need me there to get through the day.

On the other hand, I'd want you to be in good health with no pregnancy related issues, and to be set up with food etc for me to be able to go away for a couple of days.

I'd want to make sure that you had a written birth plan that your midwife has a copy of, a bag packed, and that everything was ready for baby. Ideally you'd be on maternity leave and I'd be video calling for regular check ins. You'd just need to rest and relax.

I'd also want someone who can step up as birth partner should that be required (even a doula), and would want details on every flight back that I could possibly book in an emergency.

I'm so sorry that you and your partner are having to deal with this at this time.

And I have to say that it sucks that in 2025 you feel like you need to hide your sexuality to post about a topic. The world needs to do better.

But when the choice is so binary, there is no space for compromise. It’s going to suck, whichever is chosen.
However, the family will have the support of each other at the funeral, who will OP have for the birth of their child?
Yes, it’s an incredibly tough situation - impossible almost - but there is only one right answer here.

Doing it in one day is definitely not an option. It won't work out with the flight times. My family are further away than DP's. There isn't anyone else in our area who can be there during the birth if it came to that, I would be doing it by myself. It's a 90 min drive from the airport the other end to a rural area, so not as easy as just booking an earlier flight back.

I really think it's her choice. Any niggle or signs of action stations and she shouldn't go.

I think you need to leave it up to her really, what an awful situation im so sorry.

He should go to her father's funeral and get the first flight back afterwards.

There’s nothing that would bring me to stop my husband going to his father’s funeral. Your partner should go and you should encourage them too.

I think contacting your midwife if your partner decides to go and explain the situation they might organise an extra midwife or someone to support you, I know it isn't ideal but it might put you both a bit at ease,

This is incredibly unlikely. The NHS doesn’t extend quite that far.

Normally, I’d say absolutely not to going away - not at 38 weeks… but it’s her Dad’s funeral. Sorry, I think if she wants to be there then you have to let her go, and just pray baby doesn’t come early (and make all the arrangements just in case- bag packed, taxi services noted etc).

It doesn’t matter what her wider family thinks though, its what your partner thinks. If she thinks going to the funeral will help her grief (or maybe her Mums grief?) then she should do it. If she doesn’t think it will make a big difference to her or her Mum has lots of other support (other children?) then your babies possible arrival is a bigger priority.

I'm confused with your use of 'they'. Are you talking about your wife/partner or more than one person?

A five hour flight both ways, plus all the other things involved, seems a bit much to me for someone so close to giving birth. She could easily go into labour at that stage and it wouldn't be very early, many babies are born at 38 weeks. I found this online: "Flying at 38 weeks pregnant, both ways, is generally not recommended and may not be permitted by airlines. Most airlines have restrictions on air travel for pregnant women, typically limiting travel to before 36 weeks for single pregnancies and 32 weeks for multiples. It's advisable to consult with both your airline and healthcare provider for specific guidance and potential restrictions."

If people other than your wife/partner are prepared to go, and represent her, that would be a good idea and her relatives should understand. Tell them she just cannot go!

I think that the DP need to go to his/her parent's funeral - unless relations were strained, it's pretty bad not to go. 1-2 nights max. away.

OP needs to find some local support / have a relative or friend stay in the event that she goes into labour whilst her DP is away.

I would insist my husband went, even at 38 weeks.

It's your partners dad's funeral, it's important. Assuming their relationship with their dad and family is reasonable they should be there to say their goodbyes and share grief and memories with family and friends.

I appreciate it's scary the first time you face labour but lots of women have and do cope without a bystander as long as you have medical attendance ( Labour more often than not with a first baby isn't quick anyway!) Your partner will most likely be back in good time to welcome the baby as you have between 38-42 weeks that it will make an appearance. Good luck with the birth, you can do it!

A parents funeral is a difficult thing to ask your partner to miss.

What does she want to do?

Does she want to go out of obligation? Or out of love? That makes a difference

Would she call off going if baby’s head engaged before she went?

I had my husband attend the birth but he was very much stuck in a corner out of the way and I personally wouldn’t have minded too much if he wasn’t there due to something really important clashing, the midwives were wonderful. I would have minded greatly if it was something unimportant.

I can see however that you might miss a female partner more during the process, it’s such a female centric process.

Who do you think you are to tell someone how they can grieve? This is her father and she absolutely should go if SHE wants too. Plenty of women manage to give birth without their partners there and while it would be a shame to miss out it also wouldn’t be the end of the world. In the past partners were not allowed in and the world carried on. I would not be dictated to by anyone about whether I could attend the funeral of a parent.. OP please don’t pressure them not to attend. Support them in THEIR decision.

Agree. Although having worked with 5 years olds most of them have better comprehension skills than some people on this thread.

I think your partner does need to go to her dad’s funeral.
Can you book a doula to support you on off chance you are in labour those days. Or a maternity nurse if baby already here.
See if you can book a check up day before she flies with midwife and they will be able to say if you are looking like going into labour in next day or so.

She should go to her father's funeral.
She can fly one day and fly back the next. She doesn't need to be away longer than that.