Family funeral 5 hours away 38 weeks pregnant

[thechicks]

FIL has recently passed away. I will be 38 weeks pregnant on the funeral date, funeral is a 5 hour flight away. DP originally said no to travelling that close to my due date, their family are piling pressure on to be there. I am really torn between being ok with her going and being really not ok with it. DP's family are unlikely to react well if they tell them they aren't going. I'm totally torn on what to do.

I'm not sure I could ever forgive my partner if they made me miss my fathers funeral.

What's her age got to do with anything?

I think it does depend on the family but if her family wants her there I think she needs to go. It is about supporting the family as well as her own grief.

Your DP needs to be there. It's a parent's funeral. You're just about to have a baby so you want your own family. This is already family.

Your DP doesn't have to plan be gone long. You just need a plan for those couple of days, in case the baby comes.

In these circumstances I would encourage him to go as it’s his father’s funeral - but make sure you have a family member/birth partner on standby at home.

I’d also arrange a visit/check up with your midwifery team before he goes so that you both know that you will be okay without him for 48hrs or so that you can be alerted if they think your baby may be angling to arrive sooner than 40 weeks, given that it’s common for babies to arrive after 37.

Unlike another thread, where DH is off on a boozy, optional/unnecessary, 4 night jolly with his mates I think finding a way to support your DH through this may be needed. Speak to your healthcare provider and get their advice.

Let them go. He is their father, they have to go.

That’s a horrible dilemma. So sorry for you and your DP.

But they should go. It’s their dad’s funeral.

OP makes a point of being an older first time mum. She thinks this means she is likely to go into labour earlier.

Why don’t people RTFT ?!?!

Is it a location where they could get back quickly from? I mean multiple flights a day?

This.
I don’t think she should miss her father’s funeral, so that seems the best thing to do.

It's a really tough decision but it should come down to a weighing up of how you will both feel about the potential for dp to miss the birth....How would you feel giving birth alone? How would dp feel about missing it? And how dp feels about their fathers funeral? It should not be aboht what dps family believes should happen.

Of course DP should go to their father's funeral.

My brother was unable to come to our mother's funeral last year but watched the service online and we chatted with him at the grave on face time. We understood perfectly that he couldn't come. My children watched the service online as well.

If your partner doesn't want to go, then stand by her decision. Best wishes for the pregnancy and delivery xx

ETA Very sorry for your partner's loss. Losing a parent is very difficult. xx

Actually, although I understood, the OP was worded slightly ambiguously in that 'DP originally say no to travelling that close to my due date'. There isn't a precise OP/DP. If it were replaced with 'the GP originally did no to travelling that close to my due date', everyone would think they meant OP.

Similarly, it said 'their' most often instead of his/her, about the DP, so the one female indicator might be missed.

People write quickly and sometimes to be passive or disguise details. People read quickly.

Could you hire a doula to cover the time if your partner happens to be away while you are in labour?

You can't expect your partner to not go to their parent's funeral. I'd arrange another birthing partner just in case.

I know it's not good timing but your DP absolutely needs to go to her dad's funeral! The chances of you going into labour at that point are low. The chances of a family rift if she misses such an important occasion would be high, I imagine. It's her only chance to say goodbye. Support and reassure her to do so.

Your DP could very much regret missing her father's funeral.
I would insist that they go.

Plan with your medical team for if you need to give birth alone.
The baby will be born regardless.
Plenty of babies have been born from a mother alone.
You will be fine and capable.

it sounds like it is a week away and they would be gone approx 24 hours?

I would plan for them to go but if anything changes beforehand they may have to cancel. Let your midwife know asap. As you have no family or friends local to help you if you go into labour while they are away can you ask about doula services and have a back up plan in place. It must be a stressful time for both of you but I think they should go

There's another thread about a bloke wanting to go on a stag do at 36 weeks, and I've said absolutely no way would I say yes to that if it was me.

But this is different, it's not a jolly.

You partner may forever regret not being at FIL's funeral. Then again you both may regret her not being at the birth.

It's such a tough decision and I feel for you both.

I would suggest working through the logistics of her flying out, but not make your minds up till the last minute, depending on the position of the baby (e.g. is the head engaged) and how you're feeling, what the midwife says etc etc.

Do you have someone else who could support you through birth in your DP's place? If not, I wonder if you can get a standby doula at short notice?

We were writing pretty much the same thing at the sdame time!

It's so fucking refreshing when an OP clearly says they are female with a female partner and said partner is still repeatedly referred to as "he". Not.

I think it's up to your DP, OP. If she doesn't feel able to go she doesn't go. In the midst of life we are in death, but in the midst of death we are also in life. She needs to do what she feels most comfortable doing and/or what she will least regret.

You can not stop your partner going to their own fathers funeral. Absolutely not!
I'm confused by all the they/ them in the op so am not sure who's having an issue.