Page 21 | Moved to Aus from the Uk

mummaAusUk · 2025-07-31T10:26:21+00:00

Hi, I'm posting in here as I don't have anyone I can't talk to who won't judge. I moved to Aus from the UK with my partner of 10 years and 2 children. We've been here a year now and I've really struggled since we arrived. I've made friends and really tried but I just feel like this isn't for me and I made a big mistake. I miss my family so much and I miss being able to share my little ones with family. I've tried explaining this to my partner and told him how unhappy I am but he just keeps telling me how much he loves his job and that I need to give it longer. I've explained that I know I want to go home and no amount of time is going to change that. One of my children also wants to go home and isn't loving life here. My partner as said he resents me for trying to ruin his dreams and that I should head home with the kids and he will visit. That really hit hard and I don't understand how he can say that. We're such a close family. im struggling so much. I feel so alone and upset.

AutisticAndMore · 03/08/2025 10:46

Scar88 · 03/08/2025 10:14

Missing family? You are with your family. UK is a joke right now and you're living in paradise. In all kindness grow up a little

Here’s another of the Utopia style comments that apparently don’t exist.

pollymere · 03/08/2025 10:51

I think if my DP attitude was that I should move back without him, I'd probably do it. You're miserable and one of your kids is miserable. I understand that he wants to finish his training but he seems very happy for you to leave. Maybe come back here for a year and see how you all feel after that.

Treesandsheepeverywhere · 03/08/2025 10:54

A year isn't much time to be settled OP. Is he meant to cut his training short?

If it were the other way round, he'd be accused of being controlling.

Not saying you should love it, but give it more time to settle.
Missing family is understandable but they're getting on with their lives, enjoy the time you're there and if after his training, you still feel the same, then have the conversation.

Treesandsheepeverywhere · 03/08/2025 10:57

isthismylifenow · 03/08/2025 07:15

As someone who has moved multiple times, pre children and then with children, it is much more difficult with children.

That said, any move no matter how far, takes far longer than one year to settle. You are in a very negative mind space, so in that, you are not open to accepting the change.

Of course it is a huge change. I am not sure why people think things are the same no matter where you live. It is most definitely not, and you have to adjust to the new lifestyle. One year is not enough time OP. You haven't given it a long enough chance yet.

Also, if course you haven't a strong bond with friends. You haven't been there long enough to.
Your child who wants to move home. At 8 years old, why have you implied this is an option? As by doing that, you are allowing them to believe they also don't have to accept this new change and can just go back to how school and life was a year ago. Even if you do go back, it will still be different to them from how it was last year.

I can see you DH pov. It is such a big move and you haven't integrated as well as he has yet.

Him being at work had a huge amount to do with it. He is with the local people all day, learning the ways, meeting new people and getting on with it.
While you stay at home and do the odd camping trip and some socializing, I assume child orientated.

Can you see the difference? Why are you so anti childcare? I think that is the absolute best thing you need. Go and seek out a part time job and integrate yourself into the real lifestyle more.

One more thing. It's winter now. All of us in the SH battle a bit more in winter. We don't have the luxury of central heating and do tend to spend with winter months cooped up a bit more. Which is a vast change from the rest of the year when it's easier to do outdoor things. Never ever make a hard decision in winter is my motto.

You are setting your mind on the fact you miss your family. And that is your full focus. Shift it to being a bit more positive and acceptance of change. Otherwise you are never going to be happy. You will stay there with DH and be miserable, or you will return to UK single and still have to deal with some change.

Agree complete. Being at home doesn't help and I've moved around too, a year is nothing.

AutisticAndMore · 03/08/2025 11:03

NeelyOHara · 03/08/2025 10:28

Why won’t people accept that the OP doesn’t fucking like it in Australia! its insane. Everyone deliberately ignoring that the longer she leaves it the harder it will be to bring the children home. It’s like the Australian tourist board has sent a load of posters over to hector and admonish the poor OP.

Show quote history

That’s exactly what it’s like.

Mirabai · 03/08/2025 11:10

AutisticAndMore · 03/08/2025 10:46

Here’s another of the Utopia style comments that apparently don’t exist.

Show quote history

Well they haven’t until now. So you’re very lucky - but I don’t think anyone takes it seriously.

Original poster

mummaAusUk · 03/08/2025 11:15

EdisinBurgh · 03/08/2025 08:00

This is one of the most poignant experiences shared on this thread.

“My parents wanted to have their adventure and me and my sibling were collateral damage”

When people emigrate they often make the choice for their own desires first and then their children second - and with little to no regard for their future adult children and their future families.

And when it comes to emigration to Australia “giving it a good go” is a bit of a myth as once you put a foot in it’s not easy to pull out as OP is discovering.

Family and roots matter. Family is grandparents and grandchildren, cousins and aunts, old friends and neighbours. It’s more than just the four of you and this is especially true when children grow up.

Show quote history

This is very true and I never gave that part much thought prior to the move. It's so clear to me now and it's too late.

I'm so torn with what to do as so many people keep giving different opinions and I'm unsure what's the right thing for us.

OP posts:

Original poster

mummaAusUk · 03/08/2025 11:16

bellocchild · 03/08/2025 08:06

It isn't for everyone. We came home after a year, and prospered, although we both agreed we'd made the wrong decision.

Show quote history

What did you end up doing?

OP posts:

Mirabai · 03/08/2025 11:17

NeelyOHara · 03/08/2025 10:28

Why won’t people accept that the OP doesn’t fucking like it in Australia! its insane. Everyone deliberately ignoring that the longer she leaves it the harder it will be to bring the children home. It’s like the Australian tourist board has sent a load of posters over to hector and admonish the poor OP.

Show quote history

Of course she doesn’t like it if she’s stuck with her kids all day moping over her family; if she doesn’t think through the reality of the journey and distance from family before she goes.

She has 2 stark options: leave her DP behind and single parent for at least 3 years, which will have its own miseries; or stay and make a go of it. She could try to force DP to go home, but that may nuke the relationship anyway.

AutisticAndMore · 03/08/2025 11:19

Mirabai · 03/08/2025 11:10

Well they haven’t until now. So you’re very lucky - but I don’t think anyone takes it seriously.

Show quote history

They have before on many threads as I have mentioned but we’ve already discussed that so moving on…

Original poster

mummaAusUk · 03/08/2025 11:20

mbonfield · 03/08/2025 08:54

Hi Op It must be very frustrating to say the least and something I could not possibly imagine.
Show him this thread and then he might realise how you feel and it might shock him into realising he is being selfish to say the least!

Hi thank you, I'm not sure 😄 there is alot of mixed opinions on here some believe I am in the wrong so would that help

OP posts:

EveryOtherNameTaken · 03/08/2025 11:31

This is an extremely hard decision.

OP - if both of your children were happy there, would it change how you feel and you'd give more time?

If you return the unhappy one may still not be happy at school and the other may resent returning.

Can the 3 of you come back for a couple of weeks and reassess how you feel?

At the end of the day this is a lifelong decision which unfortunately may impact at least one of you negatively, so needs thought.

My parents moved to Oz when I was 2 and we left when I was 6 (to an Asian country). For the first year my mother hated it and felt so isolated but when she started working grew to love it.

Good luck OP.

Original poster

mummaAusUk · 03/08/2025 11:31

CatchTheWind1920 · 03/08/2025 08:59

@ItIsFoggy and @EdisinBurgh

I don't post very often but just wanted to say I found both of your posts very helpful. I find myself in a predicament similar to op's but slightly different circumstances. Been in my husband's country (EU) for 12 years, we have two kids under 6 and I've been realising how unhappy I am here and want to go home but I've been feeling guilty dragging my kids away from somewhere they are happy and have a nice quality of life. Your comments have made me realise one day they may thank me for taking them to the UK where they can grow up with grandparents (3) aunties (3) uncles (4), family friends who I still keep in contact with and potential future cousins. They have zero family here and we have found it very difficult to make proper deep friendships, so it's always just the 4 of us and not the life I had pictures. I grew up with so much family around and I really loved it as a kid.

Op - I just wanted to say I completely understand the feeling of loneliness in another country and as others have said, if it's missing family that is the biggest issue, then you probably won't just "get over it". I've been feeling similar to you for 2 years now and it's just gotten worse. I made the decision to really try settle in again (as I was happy here before kids and COVID) but having kids has changed everything for me and I now realise I just want to go home and be with my family. And that's after 12 years of living here, the first 8 of which I was very happy, settled and thought it was forever. The more time goes on now, the more I feel sad and want to go home.
I can't imagine how hurtful is it to hear your OH is dismissing your upset and basically not even open to discuss a move back with you. It's like he's made the decision and that's it. For me alone, that would change how I saw my DH and probably would break the trust a bit. I'm sorry you're going through this, I hope your OH can sit with you and discuss it properly but as others have said, I don't trust him to actually leave with you if you put another timeline on it (seeing as he has gone back on his word this time). If you really can't see a way to stay and try a bit longer, or if you really think he could refuse you leaving in the future, then I'd seriously debate going back to the UK. I think the alternative of being stuck in Australia unhappy with a man who is no longer the man you thought he was is a much more miserable situation than single parenting back home with your family around.

Show quote history

Hi, thank you for your response.. I'm very sorry to hear your situation also. It's so hard isn't it. Knowing what decision is the right one.

See if I came here prior to children there is no way I'd return yet I'd probably be able to stick it out as long as needed as I don't have any risk hanging over me. Being here with children is another thing completely. It's made me realise that I want to share them with family and if we say here (possibly forever) they will never have any family here and neither will their kids and so on. you're right it has broke my trust a little bit because Im so vulnerable right now and I needed my partner to comfort me and also let me feel secure and know that my feelings are okay and valid and the possibility in going home is still there. His response scared the hell out of me and it's made me feeling running even more.

We have since spoke and I feel a little better..I'm going to give it another few months and chat again and see what we are going to do I think..

I hope you make the right decision for you too! I do think your kids have you so they will be fine regardless of where you are. I'd always choose being close to family. With children having that support network is so important I feel

X good luck

OP posts:

isthismylifenow · 03/08/2025 11:31

mummaAusUk · 03/08/2025 11:15

This is very true and I never gave that part much thought prior to the move. It's so clear to me now and it's too late.

I'm so torn with what to do as so many people keep giving different opinions and I'm unsure what's the right thing for us.

Show quote history

Only you can decide that.

Yes the replies are varied. As some people are just more open to change than others.

This is what it is about in the end. Accepting the change or not.

Original poster

mummaAusUk · 03/08/2025 11:38

Middleagedspreadisreal · 03/08/2025 09:09

But you knew the kids couldn't play with their grandad or cousins before you left, didn't you? You sound like you've gone into this with very immature rose-tinted glasses. I feel sorry for your DH

Show quote history

Yes I did but like I said I didn't know to what extent I would feel this until I was here. Maybe I did go with rise tinted glasses because I knew he wanted to do this so I wanted to give it a go. And I have. Sorry but have you moved to the other side of the world with children? If not then maybe don't judge because you don't have a clue what it feels like until you do it

OP posts:

Original poster

mummaAusUk · 03/08/2025 11:45

Scar88 · 03/08/2025 10:14

Missing family? You are with your family. UK is a joke right now and you're living in paradise. In all kindness grow up a little

The UK is a joke and I'm in paradise? OK. Sorry where abouts do you live?...

OP posts:

NeelyOHara · 03/08/2025 11:48

Mirabai · 03/08/2025 11:10

Well they haven’t until now. So you’re very lucky - but I don’t think anyone takes it seriously.

Show quote history

So, it’s just key words that you are looking out for? I think to clarify, it’s the overall theme of comments about how wonderful life is in Australia that we are referring to. Not just on this thread, but over at least the last decade on Mumsnet I’ve noticed it.
But we are all just making it up, according to you.

DBSFstupid · 03/08/2025 11:49

mummaAusUk · 03/08/2025 11:45

The UK is a joke and I'm in paradise? OK. Sorry where abouts do you live?...

Show quote history

Whereabouts do you live OP??

Original poster

mummaAusUk · 03/08/2025 11:52

NeelyOHara · 03/08/2025 10:28

Why won’t people accept that the OP doesn’t fucking like it in Australia! its insane. Everyone deliberately ignoring that the longer she leaves it the harder it will be to bring the children home. It’s like the Australian tourist board has sent a load of posters over to hector and admonish the poor OP.

Show quote history

I know I was thinking the same. I wonder why it's such a rule of how many years you have to give it. It's like it's such a ridiculous opinion not to be happy in Australia.
I could by all means give it 4 years. By this point my eldest has real connections and my youngest has started school too and my partner definitely doesn't want to move. Id then be stuck forever. But then I guess that would be okay wouldn't it because then I'd have given it long enough to know I definitely didn't like it but ey too late now 🤷‍♀️

OP posts:

DBSFstupid · 03/08/2025 11:55

mummaAusUk · 03/08/2025 11:15

This is very true and I never gave that part much thought prior to the move. It's so clear to me now and it's too late.

I'm so torn with what to do as so many people keep giving different opinions and I'm unsure what's the right thing for us.

Show quote history

OP you've come on here asking for advice so youv'e got advice in all its many colours. You are going around in circles. Perhaps you should now step back from this thread and give yourself a bit of breathing space to let it all sink in.

Treesandsheepeverywhere · 03/08/2025 11:55

mummaAusUk · 03/08/2025 11:52

I know I was thinking the same. I wonder why it's such a rule of how many years you have to give it. It's like it's such a ridiculous opinion not to be happy in Australia.
I could by all means give it 4 years. By this point my eldest has real connections and my youngest has started school too and my partner definitely doesn't want to move. Id then be stuck forever. But then I guess that would be okay wouldn't it because then I'd have given it long enough to know I definitely didn't like it but ey too late now 🤷‍♀️

Show quote history

You could still move after that time.

You surely didn't expect everyone to agree with you.

NeelyOHara · 03/08/2025 11:57

Treesandsheepeverywhere · 03/08/2025 11:55

You could still move after that time.

You surely didn't expect everyone to agree with you.

Show quote history

Only if her husband lets her? Thats the massive point that the Australian cheer squad are deliberately ignoring.
That and the fact she hates it.

Mirabai · 03/08/2025 11:57

AutisticAndMore · 03/08/2025 11:19

They have before on many threads as I have mentioned but we’ve already discussed that so moving on…

Show quote history

Sure there have.

Original poster

mummaAusUk · 03/08/2025 12:05

DBSFstupid · 03/08/2025 11:49

Whereabouts do you live OP??

Show quote history

You're the one making a point about UK being terrible and Aus being paradise. So I'm curious which you live in.

You're completely incorrect on both parts. Everywhere has it's issues. Believe me Aus is no paradise. I've been here a year now and it's not at all as I expected. But maybe that's because people like yourself going around making out it's paradise. If that's your type of paradise then fair dos. Like everywhere it has it's positives and negatives. I now understand that a place is just that, a place. Family are what make a place.
You can have a fancy pool and a big BBQ but what is the point of you have empty chairs around it. (As my little one pointed out today)

OP posts:

Original poster

mummaAusUk · 03/08/2025 12:08

Treesandsheepeverywhere · 03/08/2025 11:55

You could still move after that time.

You surely didn't expect everyone to agree with you.

Show quote history

How could I if my partner didn't want to and said no? Id be stuck I wouldn't leave my children that's my point..

No I'm happy to have a few different opinions it's helped. Some haven't helped at all but I understand that's certain types of people who just like to have debates online

OP posts: