Moved to Aus from the Uk

[mummaAusUk]

Hi,
I'm posting in here as I don't have anyone I can't talk to who won't judge. I moved to Aus from the UK with my partner of 10 years and 2 children. We've been here a year now and I've really struggled since we arrived. I've made friends and really tried but I just feel like this isn't for me and I made a big mistake. I miss my family so much and I miss being able to share my little ones with family.

I've tried explaining this to my partner and told him how unhappy I am but he just keeps telling me how much he loves his job and that I need to give it longer. I've explained that I know I want to go home and no amount of time is going to change that. One of my children also wants to go home and isn't loving life here. My partner as said he resents me for trying to ruin his dreams and that I should head home with the kids and he will visit. That really hit hard and I don't understand how he can say that. We're such a close family. im struggling so much. I feel so alone and upset.

I asked this before but perhaps you missed it - are you a SAHM to school aged children? That’s isolating anywhere. Is there any chance you could work? You might find you make more connections.

Find the expat mums group in your area… there will be a Brit expat mums group (Facebook? )

I am a SAHM yes and 1 school child one younger. I've met people that isn't the problem I have friends and go camping and I do make an effort

Being homesick is a horrible “condition”. You need to really make sure you look after your mental health. Good luck OP.

Blue skies and having your own swimming pool, and a large garden. And no class system with its snobbery.
Downsides are- big spiders, very hot summers.

You get paid a lot more and costs are pretty similar so you generally have more disposable income. That means you can afford to work fewer hours. There's less of a competitive culture then many other international markets particularly the US. People are very direct and non hierarchal so it's also easier to work vs my experience in the UK.

People generally do have hobbies that take them outdoors or keep them fit, not necessarily surfing but hiking, fishing, yoga, pilates, jogging are all really common. Food quality is generally much better then in England. Moderately more expensive.

I found people extremely friendly especially in Melbourne. People talk to you in shops, on public lectures transport and there's a nice sense of mateship. Schools aren't super focused on academic results at all costs, music and sport are encouraged and I've noticed fewer antisocial behaviour from teenagers, less hanging around in city centres yelling and acting intimidating etc.

I've also heard it takes two years to settle. It sounds like you've already made up your mind which I think is wrong as you've already made the move. I think you need to change your frame of mind and be more positive and stick it out for another 18 months. If you've already decided you don't like it, it's not surprising that you don't. It's that or the end of your marriage.

@pourmeadrinkpls if she waits 18 months, her children will be considered habitually resident in Australia and, if her husband refuses permission to allow them to leave him, The Hague Convention means @mummaAusUk will not be allowed to take them back to the UK. If she does leave with them and her husband decides to chase her over it, Australia will come down on her like a ton of bricks and the UK court will uphold the father’s rights.

She may have trouble leaving now hence my upthread advice to go and get very, very good legal advice and to do it now.

OP, how long does your partner want to stay in Australia? Does he see it as permanent?

I moved to another continent with kids. Had a ball. Work life balance was better. Money went further. Sunshine was awesome. When we had both had enough we came back.

ditto my siblings.

sometimes one partner has to stay / leave when the other doesn’t and that is tricky to manage
id wait it out. A year is not very long to give it. Tbh you need 2y before you can say you have really tried it.

can your family come and visit you?

good luck. Don’t come back for British winter. That would be pants!!!!!

I just don’t understand how you have missed so many issues. The cost of living is extremely high in Australia. Particularly food. I didn’t notice that people working less hours, and we found it was far too hot to spend any time outside, and noticed people spent huge amounts of time inside due to the heat.

The misogyny and disrespect to women and minorities is evident even today in 2025. Although I wouldn’t say all men were like this, there is certainly a culture as you would know.

The lack of history, the horrible architecture, the drinking culture and domestic violence stats are eye watering. Many parts of Australia are trapped in a time warp.

The education is nowhere near as rigorous as it is in the U.K., and elsewhere. Yes it’s more relaxed, but that isn’t a good thing if you are aiming for a solid education.

You have painted a largely inaccurate, rose tinted version of Australia I barely recognise, as someone that also lived there. Yes the people are friendly - the women especially are fantastic, and ofc it has some qualities but it is far from what you describe as some kind of utopia.

That’s all well and good, but what happens if she becomes trapped there? Legally she can not just come home if her dh decides the children can’t leave. You are being dangerously indifferent to the legal issues she could face or may already have to:

Australia has plenty of history. It's home to the world's oldest continuous living culture, made all the more remarkable by surviving British attempts at genocide. You don't have to like Australia, but you can criticise it without the racist sneering.

And the idea that no one leaves their homes when it's hot is laughable. Just ridiculous.

OP, you should go home. Your partner has made it clear where his priorities are. Leave before you get trapped by the Hague Convention.

I'm not going to debate it with you, as I said some people prefer the UK and some prefer Aus. I also think the OP should go home, its too big a risk to not get permission.

However, I've been here 10 years and I don't think its utopia at all but that is my honest impression. Domestic violence and racism is a problem in many countries.

For me, the weather is a huge draw in that I feel my options are much wider with what I do with my spare time and if I was a sahm that would be even more important to me.

We get plenty of blue skies here, and although no swimming pool in the garden we’re lucky to have great local facilities. I’m guessing the heat in Australia means an easily accessible pool is handy but surely a lot of houses don’t have them?
I don’t encounter much class snobbery tbh, it’s really interesting to hear others experiences, a close relative travelled extensively when younger, worked their way through Australia etc and has always wanted to go back to live permanently, when I’ve asked why they’ve always said it’s the weather over there, uprooting purely for sunshine always seemed a little extreme to me.

The skies are not always blue. Ask the poor sods rained out in NSW this year. About 14% have homes with swimming pool. 100% of my friendship circle would not buy a house with one. To be fair we live near the sea. Large garden? My eye. Certainly not in the cities. And rapidly diminishing as houses are replaced by units crammed onto each block.

Class system? It's replaced by the where did you go to school question. Also, weirdly, people who drop where they went to school into early conversations.

I've been here twenty years and have yet to see a spider bigger than ones in my UK garden. Also, the ones you have to watch out for are quite small: redbacks, whitetails and funnel web ( depending on which part of Australia).

Very hot summers. Australia is a continent as well as a country, so it depends where you are and it's not the same every year. At all.

Her children will already be considered habitually resident.

If her partner sticks to his word and writes a letter agreeing to their return, ideally formalised by a solicitor, then they can return to the UK.

If he changes his mind though, the OP will need to apply to the Australian Family Court for a relocation order, who will decide what’s in the children’s best interest.

This is why she needs to see a family lawyer immediately, in case her partner changes his mind.

As someone coming from Monaco, I shake my head every time I read someone moving to Australia for the weather. As if you couldn't find sun and outdoor activities without being so far from loved ones. Hello, plenty of sunshine and far more outdoor in the Mediterranean.

You aren’t alone though. Your husband is with you and so are your children. Surely your husband is the most important person? If he isn’t, there’s something wrong. You can make friends. Find hobbies and interests, but you need to give it more than a year.

What do you expect, after all that upheaval, you change your mind. Where you all for going at the beginning?

I think alot of people feel like you do. Especially the first 18 months.
Some take to it right away and others a couple of yrs.
Don't let the one child that says they're not settling hear you say it. Because they might be saying it to you thinking they aren't happy either. But that depends on their age.
I know a few that went there to Australia and say the same as you, can't settle. Miss family ect.
But you're are still there and living life.
Some yoo yoo move. Go back to UK and then realise after 3 months they've made a mistake. Pack up and go back.
Give it another year.
He's upset really at you that's why he's saying what he said.
He probably can't believe what your saying. After all that planning and all that saying his bye to family and friends.
He may think other's will think. Oh here they go, knew they couldn't hack it. Hahaha.
That's how people are.
Stay in contact with back home and keep trying..
Are you working.. If not that could be what's wrong.
If you are working and making friends let time develop and see how you feel in the future.
Good luck in what you do.

Although the weather is a big drawcard I really don't think people move there simply for that reason. Australia does have a lot of other good reasons for living there! What do you mean "far more outdoor" - have you seen the size of Australia?

You say you think your little ones would enjoy being around family if you went back to the Uk - but I bet if they had to choose between their dad and your extended family they would choose their dad.

I think this issue is deeper than maybe you even realise - I left my very large Australian family (and great lifestyle and great weather) to live in England with my English hubby … wild horses would not drag me away from him not matter who or what I missed.

I think you need to look deeper - this loneliness / isolation is perhaps coming from your marriage rather than you not settling in Oz. Especially since your hubby seems to be living life there - you perhaps that’s driven a wedge between you two long ago and hence explains his rather shocking attitude to you suggesting you go home and him suggesting you should go? I think you settling or not settling into Oz is a red herring - I am wondering if you are having relationship doubts hence the natural lean towards wanting to be with your family for support.

You not settling into Oz in 12 months is one thing hence people saying you need to give it more time.

But you being unhappy in your marriage and thinking I had better go home now before I am going to end up single and in a country I don’t want to be in, is another thing all together.

Hi, I have read a lot of these replies and your responses. My advice would be to make a firm decision to stay until he finishes his training. If you can come to terms with that deadline in your mind and make a concerted effort to get out and about and make friends and make the most of this experience, you will feel a bit happier. The first two years, I know from friends, are absolutely the worst for home sickness. If you can go home once a year and your family can come out once a year then you’ll be seeing them every six months, but I do think the last thing you should do is split up your lovely little family. It often falls to the mother to be the strong one and to make the sacrifice, but you will make friends with other mums going to toddler groups and you will make friends with other mums and families through school or the local church. And once both of your children are in school you can get a job and you will make your own friends and have nights out and cocktails and fun on the beach. There is a lot to look forward to if you can just stick out the first few years. When your husband is qualified you can move back to the UK and your children will still be young enough to transition comfortably. Young children are very adaptable. I really hope that you find a solution and if you decide to stay, can make the most of your time there. I say all this knowing fully that you are at a life changing crossroads and I wish you all the luck in the world.

Honestly I don't think there's a genuine benchmark for missing home or not. I left England with my DH and two babies ( aged 1 & 2) and I did not get homesick and I did not miss my parents and other relatives.

It was only when DH and I were under a lot of pressure with his job when the kids were 3 & 4 that I even considered returning to the Uk with the children. But it didn't happen. I just considered it.

And again what if he doesn’t allow her to leave once he’s finished his training? That is the point that several of us are making. That’s a very real risk. It happens to a lot of women unfortunately. She has an out for now though as others have suggested it’s best to see a lawyer there to ensure that leaving(If that’s what she decides to do) is done correctly with permission so that there’s no question over if he really allowed her and the children to go. He’s likely to be even more determined not to leave then as he’ll have acclimatised.