Moved to Aus from the Uk

[mummaAusUk]

Hi,
I'm posting in here as I don't have anyone I can't talk to who won't judge. I moved to Aus from the UK with my partner of 10 years and 2 children. We've been here a year now and I've really struggled since we arrived. I've made friends and really tried but I just feel like this isn't for me and I made a big mistake. I miss my family so much and I miss being able to share my little ones with family.

I've tried explaining this to my partner and told him how unhappy I am but he just keeps telling me how much he loves his job and that I need to give it longer. I've explained that I know I want to go home and no amount of time is going to change that. One of my children also wants to go home and isn't loving life here. My partner as said he resents me for trying to ruin his dreams and that I should head home with the kids and he will visit. That really hit hard and I don't understand how he can say that. We're such a close family. im struggling so much. I feel so alone and upset.

…….in the UK

A year is nowhere near long enough to get used to a new country. I say this will love and knowledge (I did the reverse, moved Aust to UK). Give it time, find things you are interested in. The quality of life you will be giving your kids can’t be bought here in the UK.

Do they? Children are all individuals and it’s common for kids to struggle regardless of their parents’ feelings. Also there is no one Aussie lifestyle. And plenty of people return to the UK and don’t regret it.

My friend’s eldest DD did not readily adapt to Australia. She was 12 when they moved and she had a hard time fitting in and missed her extended family whom she was/is incredibly close to. She went back to study in the UK and is still here. Meanwhile her younger siblings who grew up there have known nothing else. It’s left the family divided as my friend wants to be with her daughter too(And other family members), who is going to be a Mother soon but her other children are Australian and still young and she isn’t allowed to return with them and though she was told it’d only be for a year or two it’s been ten and counting. It’s a very painful situation for her because she wants to be with all of her children but she can’t. Her daughter visits when she can but it just isn’t the same.

What amazing quality of life is there that you can’t find in the UK? I always hear people go on about this yet I never understand exactly what they mean considering that A Most people all over the world do the same things e.g eat, sleep, work, go to school, spend time with family, have some leisure time etc. And B) There is no one lifestyle in either Australia or the UK(Or anywhere) It reminds me of Wanted Down Under where they go to a zoo and cycle and fall in love with this apparent amazing lifestyle(Because no one in the UK has ever gone cycling or visited a zoo before)

Actually this entire thread reminds me of a friend who lives in the countryside with lots of space who cannot accept that a mutual friend and her DC who live in central London are perfectly happy there and have no desire to live in the countryside as she does. Both have different lifestyles and both are very content. But one is not superior to the other. And just because X is more appealing to you that doesn’t mean that Y can’t be preferred by someone else. But some people seem determined that OP is wrong and that she will learn to love and prefer Australia no matter what it takes.

From an expat id say run home whilst he is letting you... Ive lived in few countries and although im not home sick, I like to move every few years. When I met DP he really liked the idea of living in different countries and we planned for canada but turns out he couldn't live in another county let alone country. Now im trapped in the UK for the next 12 years until the youngest DC is an adult and ex doesnt even see them but wont grant permission for us to move despite DC asking him too....

My story is the opposite of yours. I lived in Australia for 14 years. Both our kids were born there. It was my husband who wanted to return to the UK because he felt homesick, bearing in mind his family lived a few miles away from us in Aus and mine lived in France. I felt closer to my family than him to his, and missed them. We used to stay with UK friends and family for 6 weeks at a time by saving our Aus holidays, not sure you can do this now.
Our children were 10 and 8 years old when we returned to a place they didn’t know with no family nearby, born in Jan and Feb so a year below at school in Aus compared to the UK since the school year starts in September in the UK. The UK school refused to put them in the year below so they struggled, having missed a lot of the maths and English curriculum, learnt Australian history and geography, etc. The kids and I were very unhappy in the UK for a couple of years, we wanted to go back home to Aus. My OH and I had agreed to go back to Aus if either of us felt unhappy in the UK after a couple of years. However, by that time, my husband didn’t want to leave, my kids had kind of settled in at last, made friends and I could not justify putting them through the upheaval of moving again. We lost a lot of money in the move, we could not afford the life we had left behind in Australia so it took a long time to rebuild our life here. We’ve been back to Australia a few times on long holidays and our Australian friends visit us here in the UK. Travel is expensive but we make it work. Australia will always be home for me as much as the UK and I love going to Europe whenever I can. Good luck, OP with whatever you decide.

I’m so sorry that you are unhappy, I moved to Australia, gave it 8 years, tried Sydney and Perth but couldn’t settle, it just never felt like home and moved back to the UK. I don’t have a simple answer for you. Maybe compromise with your husband and give it another 2 years and if you are still unhappy then you all come home?

I’m genuinely interested in what the better quality of life is in Australia that can’t be brought here?
We spend vast amounts of time outside, camping, coastal walks, bbqs etc
We both work, me part time and own our own home (mortgaged). I don’t know what we’d gain by moving to somewhere like Australia. I wouldn’t because I’m very close to my family as are my children but I’m intrigued as to what would be improved by emigrating.

Did you not know how far away it was before you moved, or know you'd have no support, or that your family wouldn't be able to just pop over at any time? If you went back to the UK without your partner, where would you live, could you afford to buy or rent somewhere? And IF he went back with you, would he end up resenting you?

OP @mummaAusUk what scope is there to head home for 2 or 3 months a year (say over two annual trips) a year on your own with kids? So you get the concentrated family time?

For those people saying to leave your husband, it's not as easy as that. If you guys have moved overseas for his role, it's a massive move and I can understand why he'd want to give it a bit longer.

Could you make an agreement with him that you'll both give it your all for another 12 months, and if it doesn't work out then you move home as a family? You can then really give it one last good go, and give him plenty of time to get his head around it

Oh this is so tough I really feel for you! I lived out in Australia (pre children) for a few years and whilst I loved living there, it became too much being away from family.
I had a great social life and made many friends there. I was having all these great experiences, however I realised I wasn’t having these experiences with the people who mattered most to me.
Ultimately at that stage I knew that family and old friends mattered more to me than sunny days.
I do think you should give it a little bit longer, and if at that stage you still feel the same then you come home knowing you gave it your best shot.
I do look back now at my time in Aus through rose tinted glasses and sometimes wonder why I came home. So knowing that you gave it a good shot would hopefully stop any regrets potentially appearing and you can remind yourself you did the right thing for you and your family.

I don’t think a year is enough, personally. I also suspect you didn’t really want to go there in the first place, am I right?

@mummaAusUk you say you’re very close to and spent a lot of time with your wider family in the UK, but that your partner isn’t that into family outside of your own.

Was a lot of your free time with him in the UK spent with your wider family, ie weekends? Did he enjoy it or resent it?

I’m sorry to say, I am wondering now if this move to Australia was part of a long-term plan to isolate you from your wider familial obligations that he found tiresome.

@mummaAusUk I put your scenario to ChatGPT, and it had this advice (sorry for the strange formatting):

The Key Issue:

This is fundamentally a family law issue concerning relocation and parental rights. Because she moved with the children to Australia with the father’s consent, and they have since been living there, Australia is now considered the children’s “habitual residence” under international law — specifically, under the Hague Convention on the Civil Aspects of International Child Abduction, to which both the UK and Australia are signatories.

That means she cannot unilaterally take the children back to the UK without the father’s consent or a court order. If she does, it could be considered international child abductionunder Australian law, even though she is the mother and primary carer.

Her Rights and Options:
1. Parental Responsibility:
• If both parents have parental responsibility (which they likely do), then major decisions such as relocating children overseas require the agreement of both parents or a court order.
2. If She Wants to Return to the UK with the Children:
• She needs to either:
• Get the father’s written consent, ideally formalised legally.
• Apply to the Australian Family Court for a Relocation Order. The court will assess what is in the best interests of the children, which is the paramount consideration.
3. What the Court Will Consider:
• The emotional and psychological well-being of the children.
• Their relationship with both parents.
• The impact of moving vs staying.
• The practicalities of maintaining a relationship with the non-relocating parent (e.g. regular visits, video calls).
• The motivations and stability of the relocating parent.
4. If He Changes His Mind:
• If he later refuses to let her return to the UK with the children, and she takes them anyway, he can:
• File a Hague Convention application to have them returned to Australia.
• Apply to the UK courts for enforcement.

What She Should Do Now:
• Speak to a family lawyer in Australia immediately — ideally one who has experience with international relocation and Hague matters. Many offer a free or reduced-cost initial consultation.
• Avoid taking any action without legal advice — taking the children back to the UK without consent could be a criminal offense and legally damaging.
• Document everything — including communications with her partner about the move, his stance on her returning with the kids, etc.
• Explore mediation — Australian family law encourages alternative dispute resolution before going to court.

Emotional and Practical Considerations:

She may feel trapped, but the law is there to protect both parents’ rights — and most importantly, the children’s best interests. These cases can be resolved, but they require careful legal and emotional navigation.

If she needs help finding resources or a legal service in Australia, I can help locate them — just let me know the state or city she’s in.

We know this that’s why posters are advising her to go back to the U.K. while she has his consent.

I asked ChatGPT in case her partner is bluffing and doesn’t expect her to actually return, and so if she does, he may then refuse to let the children leave.

The OP needs to speak to a family lawyer in Australia immediately. Ideally one who has experience with international relocation and Hague matters.

Depending on your UK situation, is it possible to have them come to visit you? Would your partner be up for subsidising flights to have someone come over to keep you company, cheer you up? I assume that you're not working, and that will make it harder for you. Have you tried joining clubs for the kids? It does sound a bit like you are not encouraging them to assimilate as you're determined to return to the UK, and that doesn't help anyone.

Some of these posts are quite condescending. Australia has lots of benefits beyond sunshine. Its fine for the OP to miss her family and want to be in the UK but it's also okay for people to prefer the lifestyle overseas.

That's correct he's always been a very close partner which this is why it's such a hard decision. We're usually a family unit and we work together. I was enthusiastic about coming here originally as I thought it would be a positive thing.. but when arriving and actually being here the realisation has set in and ive realised that it may not have been the right choice for us

We are. That's the thing. It's built up to be this amazing place. What you don't realise is it's just another place. but so far away from everyone you love. It's beautiful don't get me wrong but when you're alone here what's the point. Sometimes you don't see that right away.

I mean people who don't know us.and give honest opinions

Of course it’s ok but that doesn’t mean that OP has to love it just because others do. The condescending posts that I see are those incredulous that OP isn’t happy there and that seem determined that she has to stick it out regardless of how miserable she i as though anyone could possibly dare not love life in Australia .

I love living in the UK but that doesn’t mean that the poster from NZ who is returning to her own country has to love the UK. It clearly isn’t right for her and there’s nothing wrong with leaving a place that isn’t right for you. Obviously the OP’s situation is more complex but there should be no shame in admitting that it isn’t for you and returning to your home country.

Where you are in Australia very much qualifies any advice people could give, plus you do sound determined to return to the UK and unlikely to be willing to try anything..but just in case.. have you looked into expat associations? There are quite a few dotted around Oz . Give it a try- might make all the difference..

100% this. I actually know somebody who lost three of her children abroad. They've remained there as adults - adore their dad, hardly ever speak to their mum. It's the saddest thing. Get home and you can make decisions without all of the emotional ties of being out there.